I am an asexual trans*male in hiding. I have not come out, have not done any medical transitioning yet, and currently am being forced to live as a female. It sucks. See, I really want to come out so I can finally stop suffocating from this. But my family is really conservative, and while loving, would never in a billion years accept me as trans. I don't have close relationships with any of my family members, not to the point where I could come out to one of them privately and discuss it before making the announcement public. In fact, I don't have any friends or close relationships of any kind. I am 16 years old, and have known for a while that something was "different" about me. Only recently did I find the name for what I've been feeling my entire life: transgenderism. Thing is, I cannot tell anyone and I cannot really make the transition. It's driving me crazy. I want so much to be able to tell my family, but I have no idea how... Are there any other trans*guys here, and if so, what was your coming-out experience like? This might help. Regards, -Lawlett
Maybe start by reaching out to a teacher or guidance counselor. I'm guessing teachers down there are constantly going to conventions and workshops on how to deal with situations like this and will have the infromation to connect you to a support group or something where you can just talk about these things.
Thanks, I have recently joined a LGBTQA+ group at my school. That was the first and so far the only place I've come out. It's pretty much a "secret" and confined to the club, I'd made sure there was no way my parents could find out from my school before joining. I'm hoping that attending their meetings will help me come to terms with being trans and learn how to come out. Though I have not gone to any of their meetings yet. I only barely spoke to the adviser and she's cool with calling me by my preferred name and pronouns, which feels so great.
I don't know if this would help at all but it just occurred to me. What if you chose to do a research project for one of your classes all about transgenderism. It might "kill two birds with one stone" or even three. You'd be completing an assignment, researching local resources and exposing your family to the material in a non-confrontaional way. If you did your homework in a family area, you could discuss your findings with anyone who was around. And as you found local resources, you could interview counselors and experts and find out who could help you after the assignment was done. I don't know if you'd be able to do this or even have an applicable class but it's just something that came to me when I read your story. Your club advisor might be able to get you started.
Wow, that is a brilliant idea. Too bad my Psychology class was last semester, as that would have fit the bill perfectly... I will certainly consider doing this. If I go through with it, you may be hearing back from me on this thread posting the response. Most likely, it will be done when my mother is around (as she's probably the more affirming one, though still super-conservative). One of my older brothers, who loves to conversationalize and is basically known as being "dangerously open-minded" may also be a good audience for my research project. Thank you very much for this advice, it's a great idea. I think I could associate this with my Health class, maybe even check for a correlating assignment...
Do you think your brother would be willing to hear you out / keep the secret? If you can get some family members on side before coming out to your parents it might make things easier. That said definitely don't if you think it could cause more harm than good. You're the best judge of that cost/benefit obviously.
Yeah... I've thought about coming out to him. Thing is, because I don't have a particularly "close" relationship with anyone in my family, I don't really known enough about what he thinks to predict his reaction. I'm fairly certain he's fine with gays, but trans is a different issue entirely. Some of his comments in the past make me question whether or not he would be okay with it. For example, I wear pretty masculine clothing most of the time. The other day I was decked out in a vest, buttoned-to-the-top shirt, and khakis with a (men's) belt. He asked me, rather oddly, "Why are you wearing those clothes?" I was just like, "Uhhh.... Because I like these clothes?" Besides that, he gives me weird looks whenever I wear similar boyish clothes. Though, if could accept that I am in fact male and how that explains why I wear such things, maybe that would reconcile the initial reactions... However, it would not help anything if he were on my side. He's got a tense relationship with my parents so his support would be met with disdain. The only thing it would help is me, as it would be great to come out to at least one "real person" (no offense to you all of course) in my life. -L-
