I found myself sort of stumbling out of the closet a couple times this week and right now it feels like the worst. First I came out to a friend who I haven't known for very long and he was accepting even though he said he would have never expected it. I didn't really plan it, the conversation just sort of went there. At first it felt really great, like there was at least one person in my life who knew and I could stop pretending. It's hard because I don't know this person very well so still the most important people in my life don't know. I have to go from spending time with this friend to having to put my super straight suit back on the rest of the time. Which is actually getting sort of tricky, like one day its probably just going to fall out of my mouth. I was in a really uncomfortable situation at work where I was asked about my sexual orientation and in the moment when I weighed the options lying or refusing to answer didn't seem like the best ideas; so I just said I was attracted to the same sex. Now it's only a matter of time before other people I work with know, because people talk. I'm really feeling worried about if my boss finds out. :eek: I'm afraid of the repercussions I'm about to experience and I regret the whole thing. I wish I could take it back. I normally talk about work stuff with my friends but now with this I feel like I can't share it with them. It feels horrible that people I care about know less about me and whats been going on with me lately than people who barely know me. I really feel like just closing the door on the whole thing. I "pass" as straight (which I know benefits me a lot of the time) so how is anyone ever going to know I'm attracted to women? I'm the worst at making the first move. Lately I've been questioning if I've ever really been attracted to men and that's a really uncomfortable thought. Which is basically the worst because then I've lost this whole other option of just dating men and part of me wants to ignore same sex attraction. Thanks for reading, hope it makes sense. Just seems like a long stream of consciousness at this point.
