Hi I'm 19 and new to this site and im hoping you can help me out, and as the title suggests in need of advice. I've never looked at a guy and thought, ' i can see me spending my life with him ' but ive never thought that for a woman either. Ive noticed i tend to look at women more than i do men. As a child i went for the girls not the guys but i kind of suppressed that because my friends didn't find it normal. In my last few years off school all my friends were in relationships, whilst i was sat listening to them complain about their guys, and thinking 'you have it easy you know who you want to be with, Your not constantly fighting with yourself saying its not 'normal' to look at a girls bum, or their boobs, imaging what it would be like to be with a woman. Yet here you are complaining about how he doesn't give you 50 kisses at the end of a text message' I know as your reading this is, If anyone is your probably thinking how can she not see it, she describing she wants to be with a woman, yet my brain wont accept that, when i see a guy it shouts no your meant to be with someone like him have babies get married. But i can do that with a woman. Am i in denial? Am i just being stupid writing this? i feel like every time i think of this i try to block it out i don't want to deal with it. But im not happy and i need to wake up and face the facts but i'm confused, I've never been with a guy but ive kissed women? i just don't know that's why i'm asking for some advice if you would kindly help me? :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: that emoji sums every thing up.
It sounds like you're ashamed of your attraction to women. Sweetheart, there is nothing to be ashamed of. You be with who you want to be with, be with who makes you happy not with what 'traditional' societal norms or views tell you to be with. be happy and dont be afraid to be yourself!!
I want to be happy but im scared of how people will react to me being with a woman i dont want to lose the people close to me. Like your quote says, i want to be free, but with the people i love by my side.
Like another quote says "those who matter don't mind anf those who mind dont matter". Try asking those you're close to how they feel about homosexuality or the LGBT community in general to get a good idea of what their views are c:
I have an idea of how my parents feel, They've asked me before but i told them no, and that they shouldn't just ask directly, and if i was that i should be able to tell them when im comfortable and ready not when they want to know. My parents i think will be supportive but im not ready to tell them yet, im not sure what i am but im definitely not straight, and i hate labels but i need to figure this out. My bestfriend has said homophobic things before and it kind of hurt me when she said them i didnt expect her to be like that, But shes a good friend and i don't want to lose her. And the people where i work well, i don't know about them and i certainly don't want them to know cause i like my job and i don't want them to be able to use it against me in anyway. If you know what i mean. i think i know deep down but, Whats the first step to accepting it? im Just scared of other people theirs alot off homophobic people out their. :dry:
Hey I'm pretty much in the same boat as you are. For me it's with guys though. I know that I'm attracted to men but I find myself looking at women and thinking about what our life together might look like....having kids, dogs, a big house etc. I'm definitely not ready to come out as gay yet and to be honest I'm not sure if I'm 100% gay. I just told myself that I should stop worrying about labels and just see what happens. I might date a woman and find that I actually am very attracted to her....maybe I'll find out that women really don't do it for me and then I'll know for sure that I'm gay. From what I've read it can take quite some time for our brain to come to terms with the whole not being straight thing, and I think to make that process easier we should just try to relax and see what happens. Easier said than done, I know, but it's worth a try. I think the first step in accepting would be to reallise that what we are feeling might be internalized homophobia/denial. In your first post you already questioned the fact that you might be in denial. That might already have been the first step And it's good to hear that your parents might be ok with it..that should put a lot of weight off your shoulders. I know that my dad would dissown me while my mom would probably be ok with it after some time. So that should be an interesting situation when I come out to them some day.
Im glad you understand how im feeling, nice to know im not the only one :icon_bigg. I hope your dad doesnt do that i know id be devastated if mine did that i know he might not get his head around it because hes not that big on 'gay/Lesbians' thats why im a bit worried but i think my mom would take a while to get used to the idea the same as my dad, but i dont know how they will take it im just guessing, thats the issue. I hope when you do decide to come out to them that they wil love you the same and dont react badly to it. sending hugs. (*hug*) I hope its the first step because i cant stand to have all this in my head, its getting me down, the ifs and the buts of everything. To be honest i dont know my self if im 100% lesbian. Thank you for replying!! (*hug*)
I think what you're experiencing is very common. At least with the part where you are scared to tell people. I felt incredibly scared that I would lose family or friends by coming out. My best friend(male+straight) I was pretty sure would be freaked out, especially cause he always made fun of his brother for acting "gay." Anyway when I told him he just sat there for a second and then said "okay? Sooo... are we going to play that game of pool now or what?" He has since pretty much stopped picking on his bro about "gay acting" and tries pointing hot guys out and what not. Definitely made our friendship much closer than it already had been. What I'm saying is a lot of the fear can be irrational. I see now after that it was, but then I was insanely scared.(firsr couple times I came out I was visibly shaking) Start with the people you are pretty sure are okay with it and go from there. As for not knowing for sure, who says you need to label yourself? You don't have to call yourself Lesbian or Bisexual. You can just say "I like girls." I identified the fact that I liked guys earlier than I figured out I really don't like women that way. I think that's also pretty normal because lots of us want to try to hold onto that view that society builds for us and we adopt at an early age. Changing that paradigm can be hard. But you can also be bisexual. That's for you to figure out of course, but I'm putting out some food for thought. I'll end by saying that if you truly think it wouldn't be safe safe to come out, you don't have to. I'm glad I did, it's an amazing feeling to just talk to people being you, but at the end of the day only you can truly judge what will be best for you. Hope I helped
Thank You so much, That really helped, and made me smile. Im really happy your best friend reacted like that i really hope mine does. i like the idea of no labels right now, i like the idea of just saying i like girls thank you, I like girls. it seams easier to say that, is that weird i like that. Thank You!! I guess i am trying to hold on to the social norm, but i dont think i should i should be happy with who i am. Im glad i found this site youve all helped me so much so far, im greatful!! Hugs for everyone. (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Hi HopeOwl! I went though exactly what you're going through about 3 years ago. I was ashamed of my attraction, and I tried to push myself back to the 'normal' that I was expected to follow, and it lead to a lot of self-hatred and it was a rather low point in my life. And I think denial is a big step on coming to terms with yourself. It took me a good year of serious questioning and working through my denial to finally be able to say to myself that 'I'm gay', and it was big step. Sometimes admitting to yourself is as big of a deal as telling your family/friends. And Manitoban is definitely right, the fear is irrational in a lot of times. But it can also be very consuming, and that can hurt. You just have to remember that you are in control of coming out, to both yourself and others, and that will never change. Remember that you're allowed to be you. The first step, as you're trying to find, is perhaps just to understand what you're feeling is denial. And that you need to work through it. You're clearly using societal norms within your denial, and you have to realise that those 'norms' are merely constructions, and you can break from them and still be amazing and awesome and beautiful. Just, remember to be accept that you can be yourself.
I have been questioning this for about a year and half, ive just kept pushing it a side, but i think its time to deal with it now. I have never even spoken to anyone about this, apart form yesterday when i posted this. I Hope one day soon i can truly be who i am meant to be, because honestly i cant wait for that day to be truly comfortable with myself. Im working on it, im starting to feel better about it, and i hope the denial is the first step, because if it is then im on my way to that day of being the real me, no hiding. Thank you for replying it means alot!! (*hug*)
I'd say the fact that you know it's time to deal with it is the first step. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, or simple, but I promise you, no matter how long it takes, you'll feel so much better about yourself when you become, as you say, the 'real you'.
Good im glad im on my way i look forward to my journey, im sure ill keep you up to date :icon_bigg Thank You. (*hug*)
