[GVIDEO][/GVIDEO] Hello everybody! I'm a gay guy who is barely dead, I've got no life! I've got no friends! I'm always calm, and sad.I'm in tears! I will be 17 this June.. I'm still in school and my grades are high and I'm really concerned of my future..what am I gonna do with my life ?!?! I'm Arab and I live in Israel which supports Gay rights besides the homophobic Arabs in Israel.. I knew that I'm gay when I was 15 and My mom always asked me why I don't have any friend to hang out.. and always alone..and she always blamed me for not being like other guys.. I got to accept her closed mind..she and my father are narrow minded and will never ever understand my terrible status.. I attempted suicide like three times.. The third time was one day last year when I returned home early from the school, nobody was at home they were at work, I swallowed four drugs, I was willing to continue swallowing and I was shouting, crying , crawling on the floor, suddenly my mom opened the door and entered the house I didn't move I kept crying she came quickly to my room she shouted"WHAT ARE U DOING, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!" She hugged me and after a while I told her :"Mom I'm not like my big brother, I'm not a perfect boy, I DON'T LIKE GIRLS I'M GAY! She got upset and you know .."get these evil thoughts out of your head!, you are a MAN ,you will marry, it's a SINNER, you need to pray to cure this!!, the internet and the video games have had effects on you!"..! We talked much.. She told me mom you gotta love girls, I told her OKAY.. by the time she like forgot everything and she thinks that I can switch to gay/hetero whenever I want! I've been called a gay many times..in the middle school but Because I'm always at home, I don't face extreme bullying.. I don't know what to do right now, I think it's really hard for my family especially for my father!! I don't know HOW WILL they react If they knew I'm gay I feel so ashamed that I can't say it!!!!!!!! I wanna leave...far away..further.. I'm willing to live in America and continue my education there I won't need support from anyone of them ,I've gone through very tough times "bullying..loneliness..social troubles..." I've never been happy I love my family I do, but I'm sure they won't accept me, And I can't marry ,I'm not interested in girls. I'm trying to build my happiness and forget everything about my religious family/society. Guys please advise, guide, help me! Thank you so much.:/
Right then, deep breaths over there buddy. You can do this. I know that you can. One foot in front of the other, and by this time two years from now, you should be in college, yeah? It's hard to stay in the closet when your parents are homophobes. When all you want to do is burst free of an invisible cage that you've been in since day 1, right? For the moment, the only thing that people like us can do, is wait. We wait until the day that we're free, then we burst out of there ready to show the world who we really are. Or we subtly slip out of the cage and go about our lives, you know, just random stuff. As a 17 year old with high grades, you should be in junior year (year 11, 11th grade, the year before you graduate high school), right? Maybe you could think about applying to colleges in other countries like England or the US that are gay-friendly. You have a few things going for you there that could get you into pretty high schools here in the states (foreign, high grades, etc.). It's okay for you to stay in the closet to stay safe for now. Ask yourself if your mother would be more happy with you staying safe in the house, or being bullied because of who you are. You do, however, need to have friends. Maybe not an entire posse, but just one or two. Colleges don't appreciate introverts who spend their entire lives studying and no time socializing. Is there a guy or a girl at the school that you go to, that you spend time with? Maybe for math or science class that you regularly pair up with? Try talking to him/her more, maybe invite them over if you ever have a group project or something. Right now, keep your grades up, and work on befriending one person. It doesn't matter how popular he or she is, but if your mom sees you making progress, she'll get off your back (hopefully). Around this time next year, you'll already have received admissions offers from colleges, and the only worry you'll have is whether to pick Harvard or Stanford .
Don't try to commit suicide again. You have a bright future ahead. I know there are a lot of struggles and pain but it gets better. They might not accept you now but in time, they will. Just stay strong, focus on your studies, let all the negativity out and think of all the positive things like fulfilling your long-term goals. You can try to find a friend who will support you every step of the way. You can also come here and meet people who are very willing to be friends with you (*hug*)
arfff hello nothing123 first of all i would like to say WELCOME TO EC... then please don't try to kill yourself again. I can somehow relate to how yo feel right now about living in non-accepting family and trying to kill yourself, believe me i try once and almost did it again few weeks back you're still barely 17, you have a lot to look forward to... Have you try talking to guidance counselor at your school, or it's also not an option for you (because it wasn't an option for me that time)? my suggestion for you is keep focus on your study right now, figure things out one at a time. Find something to fill your spare time for a little "distraction". like sports if you're into it or searching for college opts, their prerequisites etc. Sometimes this little "distraction" keeps your mind off the lonely feeling inside the closet. i agree with the previous posters, you need to make at least one friend, no matter who he/she is. The important thing is you are comfortable with them. we are all here to support you, just talk to us okay buddy (*hug*)(*hug*)
Welcome to EC! Are you financially stable enough to fend for yourself? I agree with the idea of moving to another country that is more accepting, but is there anyway you can support yourself? I've no idea how papers work and visas and everything if you're a foreigner coming to study in another country. It's complicated. I'm not trying to break your spirit, but I'm trying to be realistic. If you're not able to move countries, maybe try searching for a university/college that is LGBT friendly in your country? Keeping your grades up for now would be an amazing idea. You can easily get scholarships to universities if you maintain your high grades. Also, please do not try to kill yourself again. You have so much ahead of you, so don't deprive yourself of what good the future will bring. It's not worth it to end it because of people who are hateful, there is always love out there in the world. In EC, we're gonna try our best to make you feel comfortable and loved. We are a pretty huge family here. Finally, don't pressure yourself to come out to anyone, if it's a little risky. It is your business anyway. You tell them when you feel comfortable enough, or safe enough. Always put yourself above anything else.
IYA Gasian! Thank you so much for your advice it really helped me a lot, and Here are the answers of your questions: time two years from now, you should be in college, yeah? - Not immediately, I will find any job and work to spend my time and earn some money(because I will be needing it if I traveled to America, my family's financial status is excellent but they won't support their gay son obviously. However, many thoughts are going into my mind, like I'm also thinking of learning in a collage in Israel and afterall I can live in America. you should be in junior year (year 11, 11th grade, the year before you graduate high school) - Yes I'm in 11th grade. one friend that you spend time with? Maybe for math or science class that you regularly pair up with? - Yes, I have simple friendship with two classmates (not real friend, I've never had any best friend) and I always try not to be close of my classmates because I'm not like them, we don't have the same interests. Kind regards (*hug*) ---------- Post added 27th Apr 2015 at 04:04 AM ---------- Hi John you're a very nice guy thank you for your optimistic reply, I'm going to work hard to get a good education and to be in good position. I love America, and her kind people, "If you need a real life, then live in America." Kind regards mate (*hug*) ---------- Post added 27th Apr 2015 at 04:18 AM ---------- Hi buddy thanks for your reply and I'm sorry because your family aren't supportive, Hope you'll get out from this soon ^^ .&I'm so comfortable being in this lovely forum and getting supports from you people Have you try talking to guidance counselor at your school, or it's also not an option for you (because it wasn't an option for me that time)? - My school's consultant is a very lovely woman she likes me and greets me everyday, and she always commends my parents, But it would be a terrible calamity if I told her that I'm gay, I think it's not a good idea at all.
Hi bud, My post may sound redundant because I'm going to start off saying the same thing that everyone else has: don't kill yourself, and it'll get better in another year if you can hold out! I know it's going to be difficult, I myself am trying to get away from my hometown because of how small and closed-minded everyone is. I'm assuming that you're graduating next year which means that you'd be going to college in the fall of 2016? If you need any help looking for decent areas in the United States to go to college feel free to reach out to me as I'm actively looking for colleges too. Even if you need to just talk about something I'm here as well, it's not fun being surrounded by people who who accept you for who you are. Depending on what your major of study is I'm sure that you could find a school willing to take you as an international student, some of them love that actually. I'm biased because I think my home state has some of the best universities (Cornell, Syracuse University, Columbia, NYU, Ithaca College, etc.) but there definitely would be a spot for you anywhere and you seem like an awesome guy, especially if you have good grades in school! I hope that all works out and goes well. - Eric.
If your grades are good, then that is a sure way out! I'm a closeted (still questioning) whatever I am as well and I'm trying to get into university at the moment in order to get away from my family. I don't know how you personally feel about your family but if you're scared about how they'll react then you don't have to tell them (coming out isn't compulsory with family members) however if you move yourself into a different environment in order to express how you truly feel then you could live out your life the way you want to without cutting family ties. Like what other people have been saying moving somewhere else for University with more tolerant ideas about homosexuality is a good idea. All I can say is the UK is actually very tolerant I know lots of people who ARE out and are supported strongly by a large majority of the public. You get a little bit of homophobic language here and there, but people can't suppress your sexuality here. Best of luck! Keep up the hard work!!!! I send you the very and if you need more help refer to this site again, it's a very supportive community
