I want to come out, but I kinda can't either. I'm currently an out-of-state college student and about to transfer to my homestate's college because of financial reasons. I really don't want any of the people I previously knew to know that I'm gay and neither do I want my family members to know... I know that even if I do come out my close friends and family won't hate me, but I will be treated differently. I even tried talking to my dad about gays one time and I told him that gays are just people, and he agreed, but he also said that people should treat gays as if they have some sort of disease/disorder... D: Which means if he ever finds out, he wouldn't hate me, but he would be doing things like trying to provide "treatment". I missed my opportunity in joining an LGBT club while I'm out of state, because I was just too afraid and shy to do so. T_T Now I'm not sure what to do? I want to have friends that know about the same struggle and hang out and stuff but at the same time I'm also afraid of other people knowing. But how would I do that if I go to a college that has people I've known for so long? Blaarggh :bang:
Hi there! Welcome to Empty Closets. It's understandable as to why you might want to wait with coming out to your dad or your parents. Consider however that he has agreed with you that gays are people. Try not to jump to a conclusion on how he would view you or what he would want you to do at this point. Sometimes people say things, and when they find out that a family member or a friend is gay, the views and comments change because now they take on a different meaning and have a larger weight. Some learning/education might have to happen, but you have a good starting point. You, yourself, are also a great person (when the time comes, and if necessary) to educate your parents, by the virtue of being yourself, and going on about your life as you have always done. Often times, words that parents attach to thoughts relating to the LGBTQ community, are coming from a place of fear, the unknown. How come you don't want your friends to know, or at least one or two of your friends? It's okay if you missed the opportunity. It takes time to get comfortable with the idea of joining a LGBTQ support group. Are there some support groups in your city/area to which you are moving to that you could join? Of course, joining a LGBTQ support group will give you that opportunity, to speak with someone to whom you can relate to. If you don't mind me asking, how comfortable do you feel with yourself, in your own skin, at the moment? (*hug*)
Thanks for the reply!! I have a few friends that I was really close to telling, but I stopped because of a few incidents. One friend of mine is bisexual, and is a really close friend of mine. Should be perfect right? But one time she told me "everyone I touch is turning gay!" and tells me of all the people she has been with are all coming out now. I just didn't feel like I wanted to be another one of those people :/ Another friend of mine is really nice as well, but one time I showed her a funny picture of Thor and Loki, she was like "omg lol that's weird" and then tells me how icky some fanfics are of Thor and Loki kissing and stuff... And there are other friends of mine that are quite close and just regularly diss homosexual people, and it's hard to go along with it. The community I lived in before is more lenient on the conservative side. And another thing is, my cousin (whom lives with us, long story, but she's like a sister to me and we grew up together) told me before how she thinks it's very icky/disgusting of gay people. So yeah... It isn't completely horrible though, there are a couple friend of mine that are active gay supporters and such but I'm not that close to them. Some other friends used to joke around with me and try to get me to cuss/say inappropriate stuff because they know I don't cuss nor say pervy stuff, but they keep probing me on it and I fiercely refused. That somehow caused everybody at my old school to think I'm the only person in the world with morals and stuff and it actually restricted me from doing things I wanted to do in order to make people not hate me or view me differently. And lastly... during highschool I dated a girl and she's super nice. She's a close friend of mine before dating (not sure about now, we don't hate each other but we certainly don't talk much) and I feel like if she ever finds out she'd probably feel bad. Especially since I cooked up all these excuses to not cuddle and stuff blaming my "traditional asian parents strict rules stuff" because I was generally uncomfortable and just afraid. A year ago I was totally uncomfortable about the idea of me being gay. I've been rejecting it over and over again and was even hesitating to say it on the internet. Now, I accept who I am and that I can't change anything about it even if I wanted to. I just... don't want people I've known before to know. ---------- Post added 26th Apr 2015 at 10:52 PM ---------- Also, coming from a Chinese family, my parents are also "waiting to hold their grandson and for the surname to pass on". This is probably the worse problem I have right now because time flies and I'm going to soon be thrown into the real world and my parents are going to start questioning me if I don't get married or something and then it'll probably get revealed in a bad way. I'm just so lost in what to do and what my options are.
Try not to read too much into it. I would be willing to bet that she meant it half jokingly; it might be the case that it came out in a way that sounded worse than she intended it to be. From all the friends you have mentioned, and what they have said in the past, I'd start coming out to her, and then take it from there. If she reacted in the way that you have written it out here, I wouldn't read too much into it either at this point. There is a big difference between fanfiction and a real life person, who is a friend. Has that friend said anything else that would make you apprehensive about coming out to her? As hard as it can be, and likely is, try not to worry about those who have made these kinds of comments thus far. Focus on the people who are most likely to support you and willing to be part of your support network that will help you to get through your coming out journey. It would be worthwhile to think about whether it would be a good idea to come out to them too. For a lot of LGBTQs coming out not only means being able to be oneself around others, but it also means being able to come closer to someone. Deepen friendships and relationships in general. Do you trust any of them? Is there one person in this group of friends who you feel would be a good person to come out to? It's great that you have accepted and feel more comfortable with yourself. It almost sounds like as if you want to start fresh. A clean slate. I can see as to why you would desire and want it. At the same time, you seem to have a couple of friends that could and in all probably would be quite supportive. How would you feel about going through the middle? Take it one step at a time. If you can, try not to add pressures and stress. There is no reason to. Don't worry about the ifs and whens. Not at this point. (*hug*)
