[The Walrus] Don't Fear The Reaper [And his first break-up]

Phil, my old crocus, I have lectures in an hour, and I still haven't showered yet. So I don't have much time to lecture you/other people. However, I'd like to say that I'm sorry to hear about it and I do hope that it ends as well as these things can.

And don't worry about it; there really are folks out there looking for True Love(tm). You'll find him, I'm sure. Bon chance.

 

Phil. I would simply tell this guy that you don't have anything in common and you are not into a physical type of relationship. Tell him exactly what you told us, that you are looking for love.

As for where to go to find that, I don't think you can really go out and find it. Its just one day someone will show up that blows you away and it will be when you least expect it. You will look into their eyes and feel a connection that you have never felt before. For now, just enjoy hanging out with your friends. It will happen.

 

Hey Phil. I remember the guy... thanks for another update.

I agree with Becky. Just be honest. You can be flattering while also letting him down. "Hey man - the sex was awesome, but I've got to focus on my exams at the moment. When those are behind me, I'm really hoping to get into a relationship with someone that I can do other stuff with too. Let's grab a coffee some time soon though."

I would think he'd understand. You're not calling him a jerk. I don't see how anyone else would see that approach as a problem...

And how to meet a great guy? Well, they ARE out there I'm sure. If you're out there looking for someone, I firmly believe you're not the only one. It might require weeding out the not-so-good guys. One way to do that is to NOT sleep with them on the first date! (I'm not judging... :icon_wink) Because if that's all they're looking for, they'll move on. Don't sleep with them on the second date either. The good ones will be looking for the same things you are.

Yes - some (maybe most?) guys will ask if you're interested in 'hooking up'. For a while I was one of those guys. I attribute it to the fact that they don't really understand or haven't come to terms with what it means to be gay. They're enjoying the physical aspect to it - and not allowing themselves to get emotionally involved with someone. I think it's a somewhat natural evolution for some people to go through. And you might find that some of them think that's the way they're supposed to approach other guys. If you challenge them by saying "no - I'm not looking for a hook up, I'd like to get to know someone first" they might heave a huge sigh of relief and say "wow - really? Me too. I've just never met anyone else that felt that way!"

Keep in mind that it's not something that you'll find easily. You might be single for a while. And that should be OK. Keep going out and having a good time.

Can I say though that I think you're being really responsible and insightful around all this. It looks good on you Phil. Congrats. Welcome to adulthood!

 

Phil, Here's all the advice that I've learned in all these many years of affairs and meeting people.
I've found that I meet the people that I get along with ,or that sometimes result in love, when I'm working at something that I like to do , or doing something that I'm good at.

If I'm involved in something and enjoying it and loving it I send out positive vibes that attract others to me. Also when you're doing something that you like ,there's a better possibility of finding someone there who's also doing something they like, and there's a basis for friendship.

Doesn't friendship come first?? Before sex?? Before Love??
You can't really go out looking for love, it just doesn't work that way.Be patient!!

I've always felt you should try the theatre or some form of acting or Improve or stand up comedy.

There's still lots of time for all your dreams to come true.