My mom found out that I support LGBTQA+ and threatened to take me away from school and the internet and then put me into conversion therapy. She's religious and this isn't the first time I was almost institutionalized. I feel overwhelmed I just want to end my life but I don't want to end up like Leelah Alcorn I'm at the edge of a cliff and my family is pushing me over the edge.
Okay. I want to first say, I'm sorry sweetheart, and I would give you a hug right now if I could. What you're going through isn't easy, but I promise you that this is temporary. It's a cliche thing to say, I know, but you'll look back on this one day and see what I mean. First of all, I looked into California laws, and gay conversion therapy for minors is banned there for those who are licensed therapists or counselors. If a licensed therapists tries gay conversion therapy on someone under the age of 18 they face disciplinary measures from the state licensing board. Next, if there are family members who are accepting of gay people that you can talk to, then I implore you to do so. They may be able to convince your mother not to take extreme measures over this. Furthermore, they can offer you support in dealing with these issues if need be. If anything, you need to come to someone about the suicidal thoughts. You need help to deal with something like that. I used to fight them a lot, and it isn't something you do by yourself. It's hard, and it seems impossible to see the future as anything but some abstract concept, but hold on and it will be better one day. Just get the right help, and stay strong.
What sedgeling says above is wise and right. When you are feeling alone, just remember that people here have you in their thoughts. You will certainly be in mine. Just be strong and keep going. Sometimes you have to fight to be who you are, but it is worth it.
Thanks for the replies and the wisdom on conversion laws I feel a bit stronger now knowing I can't get put into conversion Once again, thanks and have a good day
What Sedgeling and Camel said is right. We are all here to help and support you. Even if you can't access the internet there are phone help lines. re. Conversion therapies none of them work EVER! Always be true to yourself. I went through a very mild form of conversion therapy and it messed me up for years. So if your are brought (illegally) to a therapist: lie to them, convince them that you are "cured" or that it was a "phase". If it means that you keep talking about boobs and tits all the time you are with them so be it. Just convince him/her that you don't need their help. If it is a female therapist just look at her breasts and not her face all the time, it's very rude but she deserves it for doing conversion therapy. In a few very short years you will be able to live the life you want and deserve. So hang in there, you have a world wide LGBT support network willing to help you. (&&&)
I would immediately contact a school counselor (assuming you don't go to a crazy Christian school) and enlist his or her help. That way, you've got an adult, with experience that applies, that can help to watch out for you. If necessary, Child Protective Services can get involved. However, most likely... your mom is reacting out of fear and her response was part of the 5 stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) and once she calms down a bit, and does a bit of research, she'll figure out that what she wants to do is a bad idea. Please keep in touch with us, please do reach out for help from a counselor, and if you have any concerns about your safety, please PM me or another of our staff.
