Hey everyone. I am sixteen years old and I'm from New Jersey, and I have a little problem. My mom, brother and I are moving to Georgia to be closer to our family in a few weeks and I'm debating with myself on whether or not I should come out to these people. I only used to see them once a year but now it's going to be all the time and I kind of feel like I'm going to be lying to them by not telling them I'm Gay. And to make the situation worse, my dad who lives in south Florida, is getting remarried to a woman with a HUGE family. She always talks about how she works with all these great Gay guys and how much she likes them, but when I pressed the Gay question on her a few weeks ago she told me even though she liked her co-workers, she thought they were going to go to hell because she thinks homosexuallity is a sin. She even told me she wouldn't know what to do if she had a son who came out to her, which made me feel just that much better because I thought she might be one of the first persons I would come out to. So now I have another few dozen people I fell like I'm going to be lying to. So, if you get the chance, I'd appreciate you telling me what you think about the situation and what you might do if you were me.
Hmm...this is a tricky situation. Maybe you could tell your family and have your dad tell her. Since she said she didnt know what she would do if someone came out to her, your father might be able to help her get used to it.
that is a bad situation. I ask you what do you have to hide? Be yourself, if your step mom likes you she is not going to stop likeing u because you like guys. For you family in georgia do you want to hide things from them right from the start? I hid my secret from my family they were more mad that i hid it from them than me actually being gay.
Who cares if you stepmother thinks your gonna go to hell. is that what you think? becouse you are not. and if anyone whos gay is going to hell then i guess ill see you there. we will meet by the fire and brimstone
Does your mom and brother know already? I wouldn't overwhelm yourself by thinking about the huge extended family right now... I'd be focussed on whether or not you're prepared to share this with your immediate family. If you are, then great. And if you aren't ready for the extended family to know, then they (your mom and brother) should be willing to accept that and not disclose it until you're ready. As for your step mom - I have to believe that people say things that they wouldn't ordinarily say if they had all relavent information (i.e. if she knew you were gay). At the same time, I'm not sure it matters if this person knows right away either. It's a shame though that you had hoped this would be the person that was most supportive / sympathetic and you've found out she likely wouldn't be. Good luck with the move. That's a big change too - so you've got lots of stuff going on in your life. Give yourself a break and try not to take on too much all at once if you don't have to.
I agree with Jim. Try to not focus on the "big picture". Get to know these people better and then you will know who you can come out too. As far as your stepmom, if she tells you that she is worried about your soul making it to heaven I would just say something like "You believe that way, I don't. I believe a loving God would not make somebody gay and then send them to hell for living an authentic life." It may give her something to think about! Good luck in Georgia. I've never been to NJ or Georgia but I'm guessing the environment for gays is going to be less tolerant in Georgia. My son is dating somebody in Lousiana and it is quite different there than it is here in Oregon.
Hey everyone, I really appreciate the fact that you guys took the time out to reply. I had a lot of time to think about my goal for the summer today and I think I've pretty much decided what I am going to do. I've decided that I just don't care what people think about Gay people anymore, I'm the one who's going to have to live my life, not them. I'm going to leave a letter to my Mom on my dresser before we leave for the airport explaining everything and how much she means to me and ask for her understanding. She's just like all other mother's and I know she's going to be in my room straightining things up after the move, and she'll probably find the letter on the first day. I'll let her tell my twin brother, because he's always been hostile to Gay people, especially with this Gay guy from my highschool in New Jersey, and I know she'll call him and cry her eyes out to him and tell him to go easy on me. It may be the easy way out, but it's going to have to be the way the two of them find out I'm Gay. As for my Dad and my Stepmom and their whole new family, it's just going to have to take it's own course. They called me today and I took the advice some of you gave me and brought up her Gay "friends" again. What she said depressed me and made me feel angry with her. It may be wrong to hold a grudge with her over it because she doesn't know that I'm Gay, but I just can't help feeling mad with her. I don't owe her or her family anything and I've gone almost sixteen years with out them, I can easily do another sixteen if they decide I'm too un-Godly to be around. When it's all over and done with, in a month, I'll make a new thread and tell ya's how it went. I'm really thankful for the advice, and excited to be an active member of this website.
