Have I been in a closet without knowing it ?

Hi everyone
I am writing here to seek some advice about my sexual identity. I have always considered myself as straight until the last month where I have been questioning myself.

so long story short , I am 30 years old male, I moved to the UK one year ago and found myself stuck in a very stressful job , althiugh my precious job was even more stressful though.

from a relationship perspective , I am very shy and introverted and always been awkward with girls. I think I have always been attracted to girls , I felt the heart beat when seeing hot girls , aroused when watching / seeing naked women or straight porn. But my relationships always have been quite limited. when I was 13-14 , my parents were fighting all the time , with my dad going back home drunk almost every day so my teenage years were not really happy and I didn't had any experiences with girls , but I remember being attracted to them and not even think about guys . my first kiss was when I was 17 or 18 with a girl and I liked it although I was very stressed. I had only 3 girlfriends for my whole life and the last one lasted the longer with 2 months. I also started seeing escorts girls because I had sexual relationships with a couple of girls before but some of them didn't work (I. e. I was aroused and horny but couldn't have an orgasm ) so I think I was stressed that something may be wrong with me but never thought I was gay. when seeing those escorts , I liked it physically (not the fact to use women in that context ).

In the same time I was dating several girls but nothing happened with them they always told me they preferred to have me as friend. until the last one. When I started seeing her I was feeling anxious and had panic attack 2 days before I met her ( it was through online dating site). It was 3 months ago and since then I have been feeling anxiety , I had a couple of other panic attacks , sometimes not sleeping , it was maybe the worst period of my life . I am still through it and I think it is a combination of my move , stressful job , parents breaking up , etc. with that girl , I was feeling good and she was helping me forget my anxiety. and one day we got back home. We didn't have condoms so we couldn't have sex but we cuddle and did other things. In the morning I went to buy condoms but then I couldn't get hard to do anything .. and since then my anxiety got worse and I have been having obsessive thoughts about being gay. at the beginning it was very stressful but because I was going through a period of high anxiety I thought these thoughts were due to anxiety . I started seeing a therapist and she told me this is all stress related and that I have developed a generalised anxiety disorder. but I can't stop myself of thinking I'm gay. I've never been aroused by men , I tried to watch gay porn , focus on men in the street and nothing happen I don't feel anything.

However there are several things that make me think that I'm gay and one them is my first sexual memory. I had 4 or 5 hears and remember seeing and adventure movie with 2 men touching each other - the touches were not sexual though but I remember being aroused by that. I had other contacts with men that aroused me 3 or 4 times e.g. when playing in the pool but I never paid attention and was always thinking about women.

my fear now is that I denied my sexuality because I was afraid of it and this is why I am not aroused by picture of men and don't fantasise about men. that sexual memory is quite powerful in my mind but I don't know if it's just a kid thing or an indication of me being gay.

Thanks for all your advice and sorry for the long post