I think I'm bisexual and have been really interested in a few girls over the past year. Most recently I've been hanging out with a lesbian who is a few years older than me and I think I might be developing feelings for her. I haven't talked to her about my sexuality and kind of avoid talking about my personal life in general. I'm hesitant to "come out" in any way, especially to a gay girl, since maybe I'm actually not bisexual and I'm just confused. What if I were to meet a girl and date her and then realize I'm not into it? I'm so inexperienced, and besides hooking up with a few girls, I have no idea about what sex or a relationship with a woman (or a man for that matter) would actually be like. I'm also hesitant to label myself as bisexual because I'm well aware of the stigma that surrounds it. I know that a lot of lesbians tend to stay away from bi girls for the sorts of reasons I talked about above. Guess I can't blame them! Any advice, comments, similar experiences..?
Hey! My advice is don't pressure yourself to come out if you don't feel ready to. Do it when you're ready and feel comfortable. Self-acceptance takes a while, but you need to accept yourself before you accept others. Feel free to message me on my wall if you need any advice :3
Hi mukumuku, The girl I'm currently interested in, a lesbian friend, was one of the first people I came out to, because I knew I had a crush on her. I was open about not having had any sort of experience with a girl before. She took it well, obviously -- and I liked having someone to talk to who could relate. Coming out to someone who's gay is actually usually a good idea -- even if you're only questioning, some can relate to that, too. I think you could tell her you're questioning. When you say "hooking up," what do you mean? Did you enjoy those experiences? If so, why are you still unsure whether you could have a relationship with a woman? It sounds to me like you're physically and emotionally attracted to women. Try not to confuse "experience" and "orientation" -- it might be possible for you to know your orientation without having experience beforehand. And there is nothing wrong with being inexperienced. The lesbians who will stay away from you because you're bi are not people you'd want to date, anyway (not dating you because you're "questioning" and unsure is a different matter). If you feel you're bisexual, there's no shame in the label. Really. My gay friends have no problem with my sexuality -- you'll be able to find people who can see past the stigma/stereotype. Don't let that be a barrier for you.
Thanks for the responses!! Lyana, by hooking up I mean.. making out, feeling up? I've done so with one guy and three girls, though all of those experiences have been alcohol-fueled and I've never had sex or actually dated anyone (I've only just started getting over my shyness). The first girl I kissed was the only time I ever really enjoyed it but she also was the only person I've kissed who I've had feelings for. In general though I find men's bodies much sexier and I'm typically only attracted to female bodies that are sort of androgynous. Which is why I wonder if I start dating or have sex with a woman if I might suddenly realize it's not for me.. whereas with men I am quite certain of my sexual attraction.
If this friend is someone you trust, you might try talking to them. You can tell them you're questioning without "coming out" with any official label. It's likely they've been there before & will be sympathetic.
I'm questioning a lot and I don't really share a lot about myself easily either. But when I decided to tell my bi friend that I'm questioning I was really glad I did because she was really supportive and gave me advice.
Thanks for the replies. I think I might talk to her about it, she is a very kind person and I think she'd appreciate my coming to her for advice rather than judging me.
