OK, here's the deal: I have always been close to my parents, but they have always assumed that I was a heterosexual. I thought I was too, up until a girl moved in with me, and I could never really get into the intimate part. I know I'm not gay, I've never been to men, but my parents, grandparents, etc. have always used slurs when referring to gay people, so that made me scared to tell them that I have no sexual attraction whatsoever. I don't want to be even more of an outcast from my family, just because I associate with an orientation that is as of yet unknown where I live. Am I just being paranoid, or are my concerns legitimized?
Why do you have to tell them? If your parents are going to ostracize you if you tell them this, and you have no reason to tell them, why do it? If you are in danger, never come out. Lots of people just don't want sex. If they ask about kids, maybe tell them. Or you could adopt, or something like that. Or make something up if you are still scared of their reaction. At the same time, just because they use slurs, it doesn't mean that they are necessarily homophobic - especially towards asexual people. In the eyes of religion, celibacy is sacred and revered. If their homophobia is motivated by religion, they could be fine with your asexuality after you talk about it.
The main reasons I thought about it was because they have mentioned wanting grandchildren. That did get me to thinking about adopting. Then one time, my mom asked me if I was gay, which kind of threw me(just wasn't expecting it.) In the end, I probably won't tell them. In all honesty, at 30 years old, I'm still questioning, myself.
It is not unusual for gay men living in very homophobic environments to have a sort of "arrested development", because they are not able to have experiences with other gay men, or even feel comfortable talking about their feelings and what they mean; one not atypical response is to think of yourself as "asexual"; then you don't have to deal with the negative consequences of declaring yourself to actually be gay in a hostile environment for doing so. I am not saying that you specifically ARE gay, just that it is easy to repress such feelings in a hostile environment. The fact that you have never experimented or indulged in gay behavior up to this point, does not guarantee anything about your actual sexual orientation, particularly if you have never indulged in straight sexual behavior either. If you do have a limited sex drive, it might come from physical causes as well, such as "low T" or other hormonal variations from normal for a 30 year old man; this could be affecting your "sex drive" whether it is naturally gay or straight in orientation. It is easy to feel asexual if you don't feel the typical urges that most people have. It is also easy to misunderstand what your orientation is when you do not have those hormonal effects intensifying whatever your natural orientation is. It is a very simple blood test to measure what your T-levels are in nanograms/deciliter; the normal ranges for this hormone are well known and established; your primary care physician can order these tests discretely for you to determine IF there is a physical cause for what you feel as your asexuality. Once you establish whether you are in the "normal" range, or need some kind of supplementation to achieve normal endocrine levels, then you will have a starting point to decide what the next step is. Whether that includes telling parents about any of this is also a decision you can make, as you are an adult and responsible for your own medical decisions. The fact that a girl has "moved in with you" and you are not experiencing "intimate interactions" with her suggests that something is not normal. I would hope that you start figuring this out, beginning with the T-level test, which, if you are in the "normal" or "upper normal" range would suggest that you may be less "straight" than you or your parents currently think you are. If it is low, then there are simple medications today to treat that condition back into normality, and help your natural orientation assert itself.
I was thinking these things in school but at the time I was overcoming severe trauma, so I always just thought I never dated girls because of all the trauma I had experienced, and not yet understood. Then add to it that I was brought up in a small town in texas, and that made me even more screwed up. I think what really threw me off was that I was into girls in my pre-teen years. I'm still not sure if I could come out as anything to my family though. They're all too conservative.
My advice would be to take your time and become comfortable with your sexuality before you come out unless you think the person will be able to help you think through and figure out who you are. And there is no reason why you have to come out. It is up to you!
Had some time to reflect recently, and I've come to the conclusion as of now, I'm just me. Gay/straight/ace, whatever. I'm just focusing on being happy, from now on, and not caring what others think.
EDIT: I think one of the reasons I've had such a hard time figuring all this out, is because I was traumatized when I was 6 years old, and I completely shut down during the so-called discovery phase of my teenage years. Also, I'm just now starting to heal from ptsd, so it may be no wonder I'm confused.
I think that focusing on being happy and yourself is a great plan. I'm glad you are healing from ptsd and I hope things continue to get better.
