Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support me.

Re: Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support m

Thank you for sharing. First off, I want to let you know that you are not alone. I am 31, and have just now started questioning my sexuality, after never having a relationship until roughly a year ago, which ended up with me never enjoying the intimacy of it. I consider myself asexual, however, I never really got a chance to experience normal sexual exploration growing up. When I was 6, I was in a car that was hit by a coal train. The accident killed my little brother and a family friend, and hospitalized me for 91 days with a severe frontal lobe injury. To this day, I suffer from seizures, and ptsd, b/c of that accident. I grew up in a conservative family, so I was raised straight, and due to the ptsd, I never questioned any further. I seem to be slowly coming around to healing, but I still don't know what orientation I truly belong to.
Sorry, not trying to monopolize the convo here. If you need any help, feel free to pm me.

 

Re: Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support m

Now, quite a few people understand how you feel, because you just told us. You don't like the way you feel, but feel compelled to act "macho" because you look macho, and feel that the people around you will only accept you as macho, not as a sensitive caring man. First of all, that is probably not the only way people around you think about you. They probably see you as a nice, but somewhat private guy who does not get emotional and involved with other people, preferring to be alone and tending to over indulge in alcohol use; maybe acting a bit different and more emotional when drinking, and a little bit hard to read as to what your interests are.

Since you haven't been able to deal with these emotions on your own, it would probably help if you sought out some professional help, first to deal with the excessive alcohol use, and secondly to start working on what is causing you to feel that you need the alcohol to cope with what you are feeling. It does not sound like you have as big a problem as you feel that it is, other than you are not comfortable with your own body as you perceive it to be and are not satisfied with having sex with women. That is definitely something you need some help dealing with, and it needs to be with a trained therapist who has experience with difficulties involving gender roles that do not match physical bodies.

I doubt that you have any physical problems related to your mother using alcohol while carrying you. What you describe does not sound like fetal alcohol syndrome, or any other developmental sort of problem. You sound only like a sensitive man who is not living in an environment where your emotional needs are being satisfied; that is not a "female" characteristic, it is a human characteristic. There is nothing that unusual about what you are expressing; it is probably the alcohol you are using which is allowing you to tolerate these unresolved and misunderstood emotions, instead of dealing with them and accepting your natural personality. A good therapist can work with you and help you on both the drinking and the other issues. Finding one you are comfortable with should be your next step.

 

Re: Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support m

Don't be like that. We are just trying to help. What do you want to do, anyway? Do you want people to believe you? Do you want to make sure of your gender identity? Do you want to transition? If you are serious about the last two, a therapist (esp. gender therapist) could be of help. Do you get dysphoria? Do you struggle every day? If so, just talk about your experiences. It sounds whimsical, but a moving speech can persuade most people of anything.

 

Re: Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support m

Don't be like that. We are just trying to help. What do you want to do, anyway? Do you want people to believe you? Do you want to make sure of your gender identity? Do you want to transition? If you are serious about the last two, a therapist (esp. gender therapist) could be of help. Do you get dysphoria? Do you struggle every day? If so, just talk about your experiences. It sounds whimsical, but a moving speech can persuade most people of anything.

 

Re: Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support m

Like Hazel said, people try to provide their view of the matter. If you don't agree, say so, and why, don't be rude and offensive about it, okay.
If you seek our help, you tell us what your problems are and we respond as we see it. And a little gratitude is not too much to ask.
Listen to Hazel's questions above. Have you thought about those questions? Do you sometimes feel physically sick of your own body?

 

Re: Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support m

Wow. I'm somewhat relieved that I'm not the only 30 year old AMAB who is just coming around to figuring all this out. You all give me hope.

 

Re: Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support m

Just because you don't fit the stereotype for trans people or gender nonconforming doesn't mean you aren't - we can't experience what you do on an everyday basis. It is frustrating though isn't it. I do think that talking to a therapist about your feelings could be helpful. A good therapist will help you look at your experiences and figure out how to think about it and what you may want to do with that. It has helped me tremendously. Just make sure they take you seriously and find someone else if they don't (even therapists aren't all good at listening). Good luck (*hug*)

 

Re: Coming to terms with being tran. Not a single person will believe me or support m

Girl, let's look at it this way. Your body is how it is. And I could tell you it's ok, but I know what your thinking. So I will tell you something pull your head out of the keg and go do something about this problem.(!)(&&&)