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Trapped

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MedGuy211, Nov 25, 2008.

  1. MedGuy211

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    So I'm really not sure where to start except to say that I feel trapped. I came out to a few of my friends in college, but I never lived openly, mostly because my roommate was my best friend and I was terrified that he would abandon me if he found out I was gay.

    I'm halfway through med school now, and until recently I wasn't really bothered by the fact that I've never had a boyfriend (or really any serious relationship). About two weeks ago we got a lecture about homosexuality in medicine that had a big impact on me. I started to realize how lonely I really was and how draining keeping this part of my life secret still was for me.

    All of the friends that I came out to live far away, and there's no one at school that I can talk to. I looked for resources on campus, but it's a stereotypical US southern town and there isn't much there. The only group they have for grad students is group therapy, but I've done that. I know who I am, I just can't do anything about it.

    I feel totally alone, like I'm missing out on a huge part of my life. I'd love to have gay friends and a relationship. But, it seems like there are no places in town that I could go to meet gay guys even if I was living openly. I don't know what to do. I'm having trouble getting my work done, I can't think about anything else.

    I just feel powerless, like I'm trapped in this small southern town hell for the next two years. But, if something doesn't change soon then I won't make it two years.

    Sorry for the long post, I feel like I have nothing / no one to turn to.
     
  2. Agerardii

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    Wow, you've just made me really glad that I decide to start posting on this message board last night. I'm in a very similar situation - I'm even a biology grad student too, though not medical. I can relate to your loneliness (I can't imagine stereotypical small town Iowa is much different than stereotypical small southern town).

    It's like there is this huge part of my life that I'm trying to keep a secret from everyone and it is really draining. I came out to a couple friends that I met and worked with this summer but now they've all returned to their lives and I've gone back to pretending to be something I'm not. I'm having trouble getting my school work done too - the loneliness and confusion are eating away at me. I guess I don't really have any advice to offer, just someone to commiserate with. Keep posting if you have the time and I'll try to do the same.
     
  3. musican

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    I can comimiserate with you along with Agerardii. The sad part for me is that I'm in highschool and I feel trapped; even more sad is that I'm in New York. I feel stuck between coming out to everyone and dealing with the crap that will come with that, and hiding it from everyone even though it is taking a toll on my mind. Keeping up denfenses takes up a lot of energy and I wonder if there's a point in me trying to keep mine up any longer because I have a feeling that they are going to fail.
     
  4. starfish

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    Keep posting here. It helps. Lots of awesome people here.

    A couple of people suggested doing a google search with <your town> lgbt. I did that and found we have a PFLAG chapter, so I am planning to go to their next meeting.

    Not to pry too much, but I would be interested to hear about the homosexuality in medicine lecture you attended.
     
  5. MedGuy211

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    Thanks a bunch guys. It really helps to know that there are people in similar situations.
    Agerardii I bet you're right and our towns are really similar. I don't know if this is your experience but one of my biggest issues is the insular nature of grad school. It's almost impossible to meet/hangout with anybody who isn't in medical school.

    The lecture was great. Obviously it's focus was on informing us about how to help w/ health issues related to the LGBT community. Awareness of stereotypes, actual statistics, what doctors can do to help, stuff like that.

    It was actually given by a recent graduate of my med school. He was just appointed to be an attending physician (a MD that has finished his training and teaches/supervises students and residents) at the med center. He came out as gay when he was in medical school, almost exactly where I am right now, and he's really happy. He has a boyfriend and likes where his life is going. He's a psychiatrist that specializes in helping the local LGBT population.

    I guess the thing that gets me down the most is that I want to be where he is so badly. But, I can't see the way there at all.