These last few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotional uncertainties. As of a few months ago, I had no imminent plans to come out to anyone, deeming myself as 'unready' yet somehow, indirectly, I came out to three friends, and that went well. The thing is that I want everyone to know that I'm gay - I'm comfortable with myself and my sexuality - but I don't want to tell them. I don't want to say the words as if they're a confession or a request of acceptance. I know I'll be accepted for the most part but that should not be a question. I assume(d) that my family know that I'm gay, despite not having told them. My sisters have been asking me a lot recently about relationships and though I don't directly lie to them I'm not forthright about my sexuality - I try to veer them off track and change the subject - even though I want to be. I was surprised this morning when I was in the car with my dad on the way to school and a woman was on the radio talking about gay marriage. She said that we should think about the gay children of straight parents in this country whose parents would be up making school lunch for them - something along those lines - and my dad outstretched his hand, palm-upward; a high five kind of thing that we do. In Ireland the gay marriage referendum is fast approaching and the topic of gay rights has never been so keenly discussed among my family, and I have learned where nearly each family member of mine stands. My sisters, whom at first stood indifferent to the matter, now stand firmly on the 'yes' side, noting that voting 'yes' for gay marriage would make a lot of people happy and voting 'no' has no benefits. My parents have not actually voiced their opinions, seeming indifferent, which I deem more positive than being opposed, and my brother is against, which surprised me. I know that he would be supportive if he knew I was gay (which he mustn't, or he wouldn't think this way). I feel obligated to come out to my family and my other friends, but fear prevents me from doing so. I'm an open person, I don't keep many secrets. I feel guilty for keeping this one. I don't know why I'm afraid when I know that my family will be supportive. I don't know why I'm afraid when I know that all my friends are solid people who will love me no matter what. Am I just not ready? Should I wait? Should I be brave and come out? I want people to know yet I don't want to tell them. Am I being foolish? I feel like my sexuality shouldn't be something that I must announce, but it is.
Hey hun, I totally understand exactly how you feel. When I was beginning to come out as bisexual to my friends and family, I knew they'd all accept me, but a part of me deep down had this instinctual fear that rejection would be lurking around the corner. One by one I told people, working from my closest inner circle outwards; and every time I told someone, all my doubts leading to that moment diminished, and I was supported 100%. I also felt noticeably happier, and lighter - like a weight was lifted off my shoulders - every time I did so. I felt silly after for ever thinking something like that could crush any of my long friendships and family ties! You sound like you're most definitely ready to come out to the people in your life, and that they're in a position to be accepting of the person you are. They'll love you no matter what, and though it may be a little harder to grasp at first than for others, they all will soon enough. Hope I helped at least a bit, and if you need a chat, my walls always open! xo
I've felt the same way. To me my sexuality and gender are pretty obvious - I never tried to hide them because I don't know how but, because I'm not cis-gender or strait people don't seem to see it and I've never talked about such things because it just doesn't occur to me most of the time. I want it to be something that is known but not a big deal, and having to come out makes it a big deal no matter what. My family (parents at least) and friends are pretty open minded and accepting and I never seriously thought they would hurt me in anyway. I am out to a few people, but every time I've told people I worked myself into a panic. It's really hard to do and I don't have a lot of advice because I don't recommend freaking out, but life goes on. Good luck!
"I'm going to be voting FOR the gay marriage referendum, because I may want to get married some day, and I don't want to vote against my right to choose." They ought to be able to figure it out from there.
