I'm new to relationships, and I'm seeking some opinions from people who've been through them. Often I hear people talk about how the people they are interested in are not interested in them. Others have chided these same people for being superficial and advised them to try dating different types of people. I thus wonder, is physical attraction important? Is it good to try to be open-minded and settle for someone you weren't initially physically attracted to, but might be compatible with in other ways? Could other attributes outweigh physical attraction? Is it possible and how probable is it to develop such an attraction over time if you spend enough time together and getting to know each other? Is physical attraction also a part of "chemistry"? Most people think that it's not good to "settle", but yet there's talk about not trying to restrict oneself to certain standards. That sounds a little contradictory to me, and I am confused by it. When someone likes you more than you like them back, should you break it off or let it develop and see if it goes anywhere? How and when do you know that it wouldn't work? If I can think of only a few inconsequential things about what I like in someone, and am happy mainly because of what that person makes me feel about myself, does that mean that I'm not really into them? How do you know you have chemistry with someone? What are some indications? Sorry these questions are vague. But I hope I can get some idea about this complicated subject. Thanks for all your help.
Well, I've never been in love with anyone that I didn't find attractive. In fact, I'd have to say that I would only want to be in a relationship with someone who was attractive. *looks embarrassed because he's so shallow* But that's just me, everyone's different.
Physical attractiveness is a key ingredient, but not necessarily the only ingredient. For me, I find that I'm as much attracted to a potent intellect and certain stability as I am to just a pretty body, if not moreso. I've dated a couple of guys that were just drop-dead gorgeous, but they were also dumb as bricks, and at the end of it all, I just wasn't that attracted to them. Conversely, I've dated a couple of guys with just ok bodies that were intelligent and knew what they wanted, and they were quite attractive to me. But, there has to be at least some physical attraction there. Otherwise, it's a non-starter for me.
My general response to this conversation is that if physical attraction were a necessary part of falling in love, then blind people are doomed to never fall in love. And I find that a bit hard to believe. No, it's not good to "settle", but that's on a permanent basis. I believe in giving everybody a fair shake. Have a couple conversations, spend some time with them. If you're not interested in them - in any way shape or form - then yeah, you gave it a go, nothing happened, move on. But somebody doesn't have to catch your eye or make your heart race the moment you first lay eyes on them in order for you to fall for them. The first guy I fell for I'd known for over three years before I developed any feelings for him. And thinking about both him and my partner (who don't look anything alike), I don't have a "thing" for people who look like them. I just have (or, in the first guy's case, had) a thing for THEM. Lex
