Since I just got into a relationship with my boyfriend, I don't really want to hide it and want to be able to be like "He's my boyfriend and I love the fact he is." I'm not ashamed of who I am, it's the fact that I'm afraid of how people will take it. A few of my very close friends are homophobic and I don't want to sever that connection between them at all, and my dad has expressed homophobic notions before so I'm not extremely willing to do this. Any advice?
Hi, Coming out definitely isn't (always) easy, but you're already ahead of the game if you're not ashamed of yourself and you want to be out. That's one major issue out of the way. I would suggest you start by choosing the first person to tell. It's probably not a family member in your case. Maybe it's an LGBT friend or acquaintance, or someone you're sure is LGBT friendly. You basically want that first coming out experience to be a positive thing. It will give you someone supportive to talk to throughout the rest of your coming out process. And after that first one, you've already taken the leap and you're ready to do it again. Are your close friends very homophobic? As in, do they insult and dislike LGBT people, or are they casually homophobic (using words like "fag" and "dyke" without really thinking about it)? Do you think they would be disgusted, or just uncomfortable? I've never been friends with someone homophobic, so I'm not sure what you mean when you say that. I don't imagine you could be best friends with someone who routinely picked on gay people. If their homophobia is mostly casual jokes and offensive ignorance, you can start by talking about LGBT stuff with them, try countering whatever stereotypes/myths they may believe in, that kind of thing. If they really are your friends, they still will be after you come out. As for your father -- you don't sound too certain about the depth of his feelings on homosexuality, either. What are "homophobic notions?" If he's said all gays should die, yeah, you might not want to come out right now. But if it's just that he's against same-sex marriage, well, you can work with that. Again, it may not be a great idea to just drop the bombshell on him if you don't think he'll be accepting. But if he won't be violent (just disappointed, for example), you could.
Well to be fair, I came out to my boyfriend and he was the first person I ever told. Luckily he had felt the same way so it felt good to have someone there with me. I think most of them would be supportive but I know it would be uncomfortable with them. My one friend, though, who I've been friends with for all my life is very homophobic. He's probably the one I'm most worried about telling if I do it soon. Yeah I mean, my father would still love me and all the same, but at the same time I hate disappointing my father. As the last male heir in my family, it's really left for me to carry on the name and he takes the kind of highly. I'm bisexual so it's not that it can't happen, but right now I'm happily in a relationship with a guy, so I'm not sure.
You know my dad once told me that if some one can't like you for who you are then they don't matter. If they are really your friends they will accept you for who you are. Not more not less just exactly as you are
