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I don't know if I'm gay.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Scared22, May 6, 2015.

  1. Scared22

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    Ok well, I'm not gonna say my name referring to myself as Bob, and my friend as Jim. Well me and Jim we're close friends for a long time really didn't have any feelings for him we lived in same apartment area. Then I moved to a house and he came and slept over, we would do some crazy gay stuff. He would hump in the back with his pants on and just play it off, and I would do the same as if we were trying to hard NOT to be gay.

    When we went to sleep(We had recently moved in) we only had 2 beds one for my younger brother and one for me. We would have a fake romance (I was 13 at the time i'm 15 now) just having fun imagining me and him together. Then we would play kiss, we did this multiple times on different occasions. On like the fifth time he came over, he faked falling asleep it was SUPER obvious. I moved in on his dick, he didn't do anything and I knew he was fake sleeping it was obvious, fake snoring and all and shit. I kept egging him on to do something and he didn't, I then went in his pants and messed with it from his underwear (I was grabbing at the underwear, hands weren't inside the underwear) he had a boner and I was like damn.

    After playing around with it for a while, I reached and grabbed it from underneath pants he didn't do anything but I felt guilty like this is disgusting. I was curious though, I gave him a handjob kind. Than after I finished I woke him up, just to see what he would do. He faked act like he didn't know, but I knew he knew.

    After he left, I fantasized about it matter of fact i'm hard right now. I knew I was in love with him, and I won't deny it I want to do so many things with him but than again I don't. So when he came next time, we decided to wrestle. I wanted so bad to explore things with him without coming out full-blown gay so I came up with a stupid idea like if I win you admit I'm better on the PS3 you win I act like I didn't have any ideas and I just shrugged and did a fake laugh and played stupid and said I'll suck your dick.

    He agreed (This kid doesn't like to bet anything, not even a dollar so I knew it would be easy) when we was wrestling I fought to get sexual poses it was thrilling I loved it I would face plant on his balls and shit. I liked it, than I let him purposelly choke me out. It was time to suck his dick, than I thought about it and I was disgusted. Gay sex seemed so disgusting to me, or sucking his dick and cum going into my mouth. We had put an oath on god before this, I was religious at the time now I clarify myself as an agnostic and I couldn't do it.

    He decided it was okay and I didn't have to do it, and I was like thank god. Whenever I think about it seems so good, ONLY with him. I'm in love with girls, I've been attracted to very few males and just a physical attraction maybe like 3 or 4 in my life. I see myself married to women, and I want that I really do. Yet Jim just seems so perfect, like he is the love of my life but then I'm disgusted with the sex and everything.

    I want to rush in on him, try it and be curious I'm about 99% he's gay or bisexual. Yet I just can't do it, I've already come to terms that I'm in love with him and that I want him but I just can't do it. Am I gay? Bisexual?

    Like I said, I'm shy around females, I get attracted to females there's not one man in hollywood I would have sex with but many females. I've been attracted to men before but it was those wierd attractions life you know this kid really isn't attractive but it's something about him. Like I met a boy with soft, glossy lips, while playing basketball and boy it was a turn on! I was hard the entire game I played with him, and with Jim I feel like our friendship just grew, we just became more than friends. Like i wasn't attracted to him at all, like I said that fake romance slowly turned real and I want to know if I'm bisexual or what.

    I really don't want to be gay, and did gay sex seemed appealing to some of you guys? Because I might, just might try it, and my attraction to Jim is a 10/10 like I said I'm in love with this kid more than many others. It's just he's the only male, and gay sex seems disgusting any tips? And again what am I? A curious straight gay? A straight guy with a gay lover? To be honest other than Jim the glossy lipped male is the only other attraction I remember I just said 3 or 4 to be safe.

    ---------- Post added 6th May 2015 at 11:37 AM ----------

    And also, sometimes watching passionate making out male on male is attractive, but not gay porn. Sometimes I like watching gay blow jobs but I'm disgusted with the cumming.
     
  2. Connorcode

    Connorcode Guest

    I would have said you were gay 'just for him' if you hadn't said about the glossy lipped guy but you might be somewhat bisexual. It really is up to you to do only what you feel comfortable with - take all advice with a pinch of salt, as they say.
    I have known guys who were straight and just liked to have a guy once every few years, I also know guys who would go gay for just one person especially.
    Can't help you with the disgust though; everything is pretty weird when you focus on it but it could be your upbringing or just the fact that you're not gay that makes you disgusted at cum.
    Good luck and remember that it's your decision to make on who you are, who you love and it's your choice and nobody else's what you do next. :slight_smile:
     
  3. MetalRice

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    It's sounds like you could be somewhat bi - if this Jim isn't the only guy you have been attracted too as you said; and you could be a strong female leaning bisexual kind of like me. I can't say for sure through honestly.
     
  4. atoadaso

    atoadaso Guest

    Romantic & sexual orientations are separate, so there's a chance you're only romantically attracted to people with penises but sexually attracted to vulvas.
     
  5. Scared22

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    I really don't think I'm Bi though, those are the only two and the glossy-lipped male the lips were the only thing I lusted for because I love those on females.

    The most I would of done, was made out with him but Jim is something I want.
     
  6. MetalRice

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    Hmm, I was just making a guess based on what you said in your post. But you just honestly may be curious or gay for him, I can't really say for sure.
     
  7. Billy the kid

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    Sounds a little bi? Do you fantasize about sex with girls? Does any of that disgust you? Are you always checking girls out? Do you find yourself getting turned on by checking out your friends body? I have a friend who is bi and he prefers only certain types of guys but will hook up with various types of girls. Do you have a desire to kiss your friend more than you would a beautiful girl? As for your friend, I don't know? If you're comfortable enough with him bring up a conversation about it with him. Sometimes guys just experiment. Take some time and ask yourself questions like that and do some soul searching. Whatever you decide make sure you are happy with it. If it makes you happy and you can accept yourself that's all that matters. Good luck!
     
  8. Chip

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    First, I want to clarify one thing: while there are plenty of unrecognized labels making that separation, there is no credible evidence that romantic and sexual orientations are separate, and generally speaking, thinking along those lines serves only to confuse you.

    On to the actual main topic: It's pretty clear you have attraction to guys. It is very, very common for people who grow up with a strong amount of religious dogma to feel a lot of shame around being gay and gay sex, and very often, that centers around the idea of orgasm and ejaculation being "disgusting."

    A lot of gay guys, as they are first awakening the awareness that they are same-sex attracted, are all about the gay sex (or fantasizing about guys, or both)... but as soon as they ejaculate, they feel completely disgusted and gross. This doesn't mean they aren't gay; it means they've been conditioned to believe that gay sex is gross. (There's another, biochemical process going on as well that makes people feel weird after orgasm, but I'll skip that for now.)

    So one question to ask here is... what do you most commonly think about when you masturbate? Are you thinking about guys, girls, or both? It's clear the idea of being with him has been really arousing for you, so I'm asking if it generalizes, whether you thought about other guys before you started hanging with him.

    It's unlikely you are "gay only for him" and it is equally unlikely that you're straight. You're almost certainly at least somewhat bi, and I'd give it a good chance that you're more gay than bi.

    I know that probably isn't what you want to hear. And what I say really doesn't mean anything. What you have to do is think about it for yourself, and see what fits. I don't think anyone *wants* to be gay, but it isn't a choice, and it isn't changeable, so wherever you are on the spectrum, the sooner you begin to think and talk about it (as you're already doing) and come to terms with it... the happier you'l be.
     
  9. Scared22

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    I don't want a super-long commitment, thing is. I have dreams of having a girl, snuggling, getting married, having a baby. I want to be the alpha male, and I want my girl to be my baby the one who is proud to be with me, and I'm proud to be with her.

    If I go with Jim, it'll be like we are equal and even then I don't want to cuddle with him or anything. I just want to grab him by the waist, make out with him, suck his dick, that's it. I want a emotional romance, but I don't want to be married I want to be his boyfriend and after maybe like 1 or 2 years we break up.

    Also, like I said. I've only fallen in love with him, because what I assume our bond just grew we got to deep, to intimate. The glossy-lipped boy I dunno, he was hot like I said but I've never been attracted to male since then which was like three years ago. So I'm not 'Bi' I don't want to come out to my friends and start holding his hands and shit.

    I just want this to between me and him, maybe he come over to my house we hang out and laugh and when it's time for the doors to close and lights go off we have sex.

    When we have fun, we're playing the PS4 holding each others waist and being intimate. Like I've held his dick, in broad daylight and felt a boner and he didn't mind. Thing is I feel like he feels the way I do, whenever he isn't faking and shrugging it off I've asked if he wants to do it, he said 'Nooo! I'm not gay!'. I think he's gay (He's not attracted to Beyonce! :eusa_liar) he doesn't find traditional females cute or have my sense of taste.

    Maybe I'm biased, but I have that generic taste that 90% of heterosexual males can agree with. If I whipped out his dick and sicked it, while he did his stupid fake sleeping and made him know I had the same feelings as him I'm pretty sure we would hit it off. I guess he is trying to get comfortable.

    I've come to terms I'm gay for him, i've been attracted to one other boy and I'm pretty sure I'm straight.

    If you were in my place would you make the romance public and consider yourself bisexual? Also how would I go about this, to be honest I want to go ahead and make love but I'm pretty popular around my school. I don't want word of this coming out, I feel like I'm straight.

    I'm on this website, none of you know me, I have nothing to hide. I just am at the end of my ropes, I want a private relationship where we can you make love, and have fun.

    Our romance is just pretty much getting into sexual positions, without us becoming sexual like fucking. What I mean by that is he grabs my waist, dry humps, rubs his hand against my stuck, grabs my dick, lay my head on his penis, lay on his chest, give him hand jobs.

    So let me end this by saying. Should I come out? Identify myself as bisexual? And how should I take a step forward with him, public or private and also like I said I'm 99% we won't marry because I want a certain niche and he's the only guy I've ever thought about like this.

    ---------- Post added 7th May 2015 at 06:25 PM ----------

    Billy, like I said I've never been attracted to males other than him. I only came on this website because of the gay rights movement, we haven't talked in a while I just wanted to know because I still have feelings for him and I need place to get input without judgement. In school, I'm shy around girls, I think of girls before I go to sleep, etc. . I've never thought about any male besides Jim, and the glossy-lipped boy.

    I have very sexual desires about females, if I had the chance I would have sex with females like 5x a day. If I ain't thinking about hanging out with the bro's or playing basketball, or anything fun I'm thinking about females.

    ---------- Post added 7th May 2015 at 06:29 PM ----------

    Chip, I think about girls 99.9999999% time that other .00000001% is Jim and the glossy-lipped boy. I'm very sexual or whatever, I think about sex all day, and it's about females (I'm a virgin btw).

    Thing about gay sex, is I'd probably suck Jim's dick if it wasn't for cumming without hesitation after the wrestling match. If I cummed in a girls mouth, I wouldn't kiss her. I'd also really never want to cum in my wife's mouth either (But i'd like a BJ) I'd feel sickened.

    I'm exclusively attracted to females, I just had two same-sex attractions is this the start? Is this how gay people became gay? Or . . . ?
     
  10. Billy the kid

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    If you love him that much talk to him about it. If he is willing to come out as bisexual and you think your friends at school are accepting of that then come out. If your friend doesn't want to then don't. Don't rush into though, discuss this with your friend. If you feel like this is who you are, the real you, and you are proud to accept it then go for it. If your friend wants nothing to do with it then obviously respect that. He should be the one to speak for himself. I hope that helps, read everyone's advice and try and make a decision that makes you happy. Good luck!
     
  11. Billy the kid

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    So when I first noticed that I had attractions for the same sex I just kinda thought, hey that guys pretty hot. I also thought girls were hot at the time. I would try to ignore the fact that I was attracted to guys. Living in denial and trying to fantasize about girls. I mean that's what is supposed to be normal right? That's what you tell yourself anyway. Then one day I realized, aw shucks I guess I'm gay. I think there is a range from really really flaming gay to alpha male totally straight and everyone falls somewhere in between. That is my opinion anyway, there are so many different breakdowns within that too, Trans, Asexual etc. etc. you just have to have an open mind.
     
  12. Scared22

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    So do we have to make this public? I want our relation to be more of a sexual friendship, we do all what girls do but like I said I'm not going to marry him or anything. I mean thats the goal of a friendship, to see if your meant together and marry is the top.

    I don't see myself holding hands with Him, going outside and to the movies with him, taking a care of child with him, saying I love you before I go to work. I want to do those things with woman, a women I can take care of I want to be her knight in shining armor.

    I have more of sexual attraction to Jim, but don't get it twisted I have an emotional attraction too. I just like playing with him and crap, and outside of us being sexual we really don't get along, we're nothing alike, and we don't agree on things.

    Put yourselves in my position what would you do? Also I don't want to come out as bi, because until I start finding other males that I like I don't really think I'm bi. I've never been with a man, never really wanted to be with a man, I've watch gay porn it's good to a point. The ejaculation is nasty I don't really want to have a dick in a butt or his butt.

    I don't really think it's because of those biochemicals like Chip metioned (Maybe the ejaculation part) because I just don't see myself in the female role, or it's just the fact I'm not really attracted to two hard-head muscular brutes going at it. Even if they aren't muscular.

    Also the only two traits on a male I've ever been attracted to, was the lips of course, and sometimes I just want to experience with the penis and all these attractions go towards those two males I've said I been attracted to. Noone else.

    So to finish this up, should I come out as bi? Should I tell him the plans of our relationship? I was hoping for a REALLY intimate friendship, one step down for dating. I don't want it to be purely for fucking, and I also don't want it to be a super emotional attachment. I was thinking we date and when I feel we're through I finish up with him, but I want to wait for my first intercourse with a female so I can compare the feelings.

    Also I just want to say thank you guys for helping breakdown my homophobia. I wasn't one of those super homophobic people, but I would stray away from gays. You guys we're easy to talk too, and I feel like your just the everyday person. Thanks.
     
  13. Billy the kid

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    Your sexuality doesn't define you, you will always be the same person that everyone knows you as. You shouldn't come out as bisexual if you're not sure of your sexuality. You can experiment with it as long as your friend is okay with that. You have plenty of time to figure out your sexuality. Don't hurt your friends feelings by just using him for a year or two though. One of you might get your feelings hurt. As long as both of you are enjoying it and are happy great. Don't forget to practice safe sex. As far as accepting the lgbt community, that goes without saying, we are all just trying to get through life and be happy, life is to short to waste time on worrying about how others choose to live their lives. Like I said, your sexuality doesn't define you, it is just a small piece on the pie chart of life.
     
  14. Scared22

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    If I came out as LGBT, the amount of backlash I got would make me commit suicide.
     
  15. Yossarian

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    Why don't you tell him what you have told us, that you have this sexual attraction only about him and you want to experiment and see what it feels like, because you don't understand what is going on. Maybe he will agree for you to do this with him, and maybe he won't. You have not really come out as gay, more like you have come out as intensely curious, and want to resolve this situation with him, and only him, so you can see if it is just some kind of obsession you have about him, or what it feels like to have sex with a guy. It is not unusual for young guys to explore their sexuality with other young guys, whether it is mutual masturbation, simultaneous masturbation at the same time and place, or even a group thing such as a "circle jerk". You have not told him that you love him and want to marry him, only that you want to explore your own sexuality with him as your friend to help, and think that you are probably straight, but want to confirm it.
     
  16. Scared22

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    Thanks Yossarian, that's what I'll do.