i guess some back-story is needed with each post, because i know most don't really search through histories and most do. i am in high school and i have known that i was gay for 5 years. now, it's been a good year of suffering and struggling with depression and self loathing. suicide was always bound and nearby, but i managed to get to this weird point where i don't feel that much and just want to find a way to come out before i get put back into another five year stretch. being at the point where i am right now, i'm starting to get weird ideas about how i can come out of the closet in discretely secret ways. but that's not how i do things. i'm all about flair, about being bold with my choices. i don't want to be bold about this, but i want to do it where it's a surprise. luckily for me, everyone things i'm a straight asexual who spends fatal portions of his time being disgusted by couples of all kinds, so it would be a surprise no matter what. also, being a high school kid, prom is always something that seems to be nearing this time of year and everyone is bound to places of either going with groups, or going as a couple with another. being me, of course, i've already planned on going alone. there's this one guy, (that's a sentence spoken with meaning enough), whose been out for a little bit more than a year. from how he acts, he's pretty comfortable about it. complete opposite of who i am now. we're friends, but not close at all. we talk, but we don't really, "talk". most of our interactions are awkward, but never uncomfortable awkward. i like to believe that there's some sort of connection, but my opinion is in biased tongue. i've never felt love before, i've always been the one to push, shun, deny that it exists and keep it burried. but the more i've tried to accept that i was gay, the more i began to realize i had feelings. like, not the "i want sex" kind of feeling, but the subtle romantic, be-together relationship. and i'm still not even sure if I want a relationship out of this, just someone to talk to about it. this is where i begin my downward spiral. i'm thinking of asking him to prom, (he's not going as far as I know of), in by leaving a message in some way where it's anonymous, asking him to go with a group of his own friends and to look for some sort of feature, (colorful pin, cufflinks, something), that would stand out among the crowd of people. a dance and a dinner, all i would ask. there, i would come out. it would be both the flashy that i like to push, but also subtle in the fact that i wouldn't be announcing it, or having to. a blind date, in the sense. i would buy his ticket to prove that i'm serious about him coming. this leaves to so many complications, risks, weird feelings of, "it'll never work." he's out of my league by tenfold, i'm still in the closet and who would want to go out, or even spend time with someone who isn't exactly comfortable with themselves yet. i'm also not a romantic person, and i fear that this might kill our friendship if it doesn't work out. i don't want to ruin this friendship, but i want to know if it could be anything more. we're in high school, keeping hold onto friendships after "relationships" is something that doesn't happen often. i'm not really sure what to do. i'm not out of the closet yet, very few people know, (parents, one friend who i don't talk to much these days), and this would be my way of both getting out while being able to express these feelings that i may or may not having for this guy. i don't even know if it will work, let alone actually get me to be comfortable with speaking about it. they say its bad to push yourself to be comfortable, but this is the best i've felt and i want to take this lull in my depression, angsty nightmares and try to come out while i can, because people say that it gets better when you do. do i try to come out of the closet before i actually do this? (i don't really have much time between all this if I do) do i just stay in the closet? it's okay right now, maybe it'll stay this okay. do i pull through with this and hope that everything fall according to plan, (he accepts, he actually gets a ride to prom, he accepts that it's me and not some other person he had in mind). do i really have feelings and is this all just some sort of terrible joke i'm pulling on myself. all i know is that, i'm going to prom, whether it be with him or alone. where i go afterwards is entirely up to how it goes. whether it be in an ice-cream parlor, alone and silently weeping. or some fancy dinner, talking about this story of being in the closet i've had to keep to myself for years. i'd like some sort of advice before i buy the ticket, print the letter, etc.
Just start a conversation with him, and ask him if he would go to the prom with you. Since he is out as gay, he probably does not already have a date, maybe not even the intention to go. If he asks you if you are gay, come out to him; if he says yes, but doesn't ask, then leave it at that for now. If he says no to the invitation, then move on, and decide if you want to ask someone else; people get turned down because the person they ask simply doesn't want to go to a prom. You don't have to come out to everyone in general to ask him or to come out to him. You could also ask him in a letter, but it would probably be better to ask him in person. Doing it as some kind of anonymous hookup/blind date doesn't seem like a very good idea, but being bold and having the balls to walk up to him and ask him face to face does. If he says no, you can still go to the prom and hook up with other friends there, or ask someone else.
