1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

is coming out as bi different than coming out as gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Hillthrill, May 6, 2015.

  1. Hillthrill

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2015
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nashville
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    does anyone have any stories about coming out as bi? did women avoid you? did people treat you differently?
     
  2. MetalRice

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2015
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Well, I'm a bit different since I don't have any friends and the only person that knows that I am bisexual happens to be my mother. But I would say that coming out as bi is not really all that fundamentally different from coming out as gay; the only difference is that you are admitting that you are attracted to your own sex in addition to the opposite one.
     
  3. Lyana

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,134
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    I'm a woman, so can't say anything about the experience of a bi male specifically -- but I'm still bi.

    The actual "coming out" experience is quite similar, I would say. I've never come out as gay, so I guess I can't necessarily compare, but it's still finding the courage to let people know you're attracted to the same gender, just with the added difficulty of making them understand that you're attracted to more than one gender. That can both make it easier (for example, it may make your parents think "Oh well, at least there's still a chance he'll end up with a girl") or harder (when people don't believe you or don't understand).

    Neither women nor men (of any orientation) have avoided me after finding out I'm bi. (It's not like I have the plague or anything.) It was hard on my mom, and she hasn't come to terms with it yet. One or two people have made jokey comments about it being weird, or a shame that I'm not gay. I've been lucky, though -- haven't had a bad coming out experience so far.
     
  4. confuseddreamer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    337
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK South West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi Hillthrill.... Interesting question. I came out to myself as bi two months ago. The difference with me is I am married. The sad thing is that two people that don't know are my mother - who is elderly and not well, and after the cause of her marriage ending to my Dad, and then losing her only other son to motor neurone disease, if she found out about me, the result could be catastrophic. ..... and my wife. She is not homophobic at all, and our relationship is very good, but some members of her family are. I've heard some of the things they've said and have felt like going outside and just bursting into tears. Telling her and putting that burden on her wouldn't be right. Our relationship is good, and I love her, and being bi, rather than gay, I don't need to. Like many married men, when they see pretty I do fancy other guys when I see them though - probably more so than girls, and frequently find myself thinking he's handsome. The only other people who know, other than you all here, are a few of my closest, trusted friends.
    Metalrice.... Well you do have friends here... (*hug*)
     
  5. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    All you are saying if you come out as bi, is that you are attracted to SOME men and SOME women, which is just saying that you are attracted to SOME PEOPLE, but not ALL people. If you come out as gay, then you are saying that you are not attracted to ANY women, but attracted to SOME men.

    There will be some people who will shun you because you are attracted to some men, and will treat you the same way they would treat gay men, whatever that is. There are also some women who don't care as long as you are attracted to them, and are willing to pledge your love to them by marrying them, and not following up with your attractions to other men, or other women. These are the women you should be looking for, assuming that you want to be with a woman rather than a man, because you can be honest with them about who you are.

    I don't have any stories to share about coming out as bi, because I never have, and don't really think I am. I am married to a woman but am attracted mostly to men, and her; only her, not other women. This might be confusing to some of the gay men I know, but, hey, we aren't all textbook stereotypically identical; gives them something to think about for a few seconds before they shrug their shoulders and move on.
     
  6. Schloss

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Beirut
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This is something that I keep trying to explain to other people. No matter how much social change there's been, within households attitudes have changed very little and in some instances they've even become worse. It should be very interesting to find out what would happen if you do eventually come out to them. I reckon they'd feel quite ashamed for having spoken like that in front of you. Since she's your wife, I doubt you'd want to keep this very important aspect of your identity in a sunken treasure cove for too long. It'd be interesting to get updates from you if you're willing to share them. More often than not, people are reporting positive rather than negative reactions.

    To respond to the thread, I'd give my personal experience. I initially came out as bisexual, even though I'm gay. I did that because I thought it'd give me a safer platform than saying I'm outright gay. The only problem was: many people did not believe me. I guess it'd be similar to actual bisexuals: some just won't believe it. Be ready to get all sorts of BS thrown your way, just like it happens with gays. Be smart enough to discard them, or strong enough to fight them.