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A friend didn't want me to come out...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RedLynx, May 7, 2015.

  1. RedLynx

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    I just recently recalled something from my previous job. I had a friend (let's call her A), who I just came out to. She's a bit surprised at first but she took it well. But there's something that bothers me, although a lot lesser now, about my decision to come out to our common friend (B). I told A that I wouldn't mind telling B about my sexual orientation. "A" was somehow hesitant about the idea. She told me to just keep it to myself until the need arises. I really didn't understand why A didn't want me to come out to B. I also had the speculation that B was a closeted lesbian...but she has a boyfriend. Was that maybe the reason why A just wanted me to keep my sexuality to myself, because she's afraid I might ruin B's relationship with her bf? "A" isn't homophobic but she's the type of person who thinks homosexuality can be "cured", but I did my fair share of educating her about the LGBT community...it's up to her if she believed me or not. We have no communication since I've moved to my new job and that's why I'm still wondering to this day.
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    Peraphs she thinks you were going through a phase, or something like that.

    Anyway, coming out is your personal choice. Don't let anyone tell you what to do.
     
  3. looking for me

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    this is some sage advise, it is your story to tell not someone elses to tell you to be quiet.
     
  4. KrazyKav

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    This sounds quite homophobic to me but at the end of the day who you come out and when you do it is your decision. there should not be any friend that you can't tell. If they do not accept you for who you are then you need to hear it and let them go. Don't stay at assumptions when you could have the actual answer. Even if you don't like it. (&&&) :icon_bigg
     
  5. RedLynx

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    Thank you all for the response! I guess I was just being too nice to her because she's way older than me and I didn't want any further arguments with her. You're all right about this, no one else shall make decisions for me but myself. :slight_smile:
     
  6. The Falcon

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    The problem with the coming out process is that we are very vulnerable when it comes down to it. You might say: I am a proud lesbian and I don't give a damn what you think, but I just wanted you to know. BUT, it is never like that, because solely the fact that you took A alone and decided to tell her proves that it is a touchy subject for you.

    Putting A or anyone in this position makes them wanna tell you stuff. What do they think you should do and how you should react to this or that... You weren't supposed to even ask her opinion about B, you should have decided yourself what to do. But we are all vulnerable and nobody can blame you for that.

    When it comes down to it, maybe she just wanted to help you... And B really shouldn't know.
     
  7. RedLynx

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    Thank you Falcon!

    I forgot to mention in my post that before I could even tell A about my decision to come out to B, she already warned me not to tell her. Does this make a difference?