*Beware, lots of rambling* The point in my life where I'm feeling less and less sorry for myself; and more and more pissed off. So many wasted years. A wasted youth. Wasted time. I've taken the first steps in getting myself out of a hostile situation. I've enrolled in college for fall 2015. I'm leaving my job in Construction. I haven't outted myself yet. As I have to keep it as a backup. I can't let myself burn bridges yet; but it's on the tip of my tongue everyday. I fantasize about it a lot. "Fuck you, I'm gay. I quit" All while blazing two middle fingers and kicking shit over. As with anything that would be life changing. I have a greater anxiety in general, more than I've ever had before. I'm already having problems with the college. They accepted me only as part time. Even though I was promised twice that they'd change it to full. (My GPA wasn't high enough for full time, but after explaining my intentions they agreed to accept me full time) What if they change their mind? So as of now. I'm playing it safe, I'm keeping my head down, and doing my job. But this isn't good enough for me anymore. 16 years of playing it safe and I'm sick of it. So here the deal. I'm the second oldest of five. I have four sisters. Three older then 18. Two that can fully grasp the concept, and one that can potential keep it quite. Now I love my sisters but most of them got big mouths and honestly I don't trust them. I'm not that close with them. So I'm taking a huge chance here. At least to me. So heres the plan. The one I've picked still lives at home. So I gotta get her out of the house. Tomorrow is Mothers day, so I've got a reason to go over. I'll see if she wants to see a movie. Avengers maybe? On the car ride over, break the ice. "Hey sis, you know snitches get stitches, eh?" Haha bla bla bla. Then I drop the bomb. "I'm gay" So. Good? Bad? Thoughts or questions?
Two thoughts 1. Mothers Day may not be the best time to show up at your moms just to take your sister out for a movie. Plus, you don't want to mess up Mother's Day for your Mom if things go wrong. 2. Be careful not to be so intent on not playing it safe that you do something impulsive that could cause problems later.
I appreciate your advice. I didn't actually consider what would happen if things actually went wrong. It would not be my intention to ruin mothers day for her. That said. I will lose my mother the moment she finds out. I've written her off a long time ago. Though I've been trying to maintain friendly grounds with her recently. It will not be an in and out thing. I'd spend some time there and sorta spur of the moment thing to ask her.
Do what you gotta do. I feel like the courageous moments that lead to coming out are rare, so don't let any day ruin it for you. If you think, "Oh today's mother's day I'll ruin the day if I come out", you'll never come out. I know the everyday struggle very well and I know that once you can and do come out, everything will get better. Cheers to us both, dude: have a good one.
Your mother should be happy to see you on mother's day. Nothing wrong with then disappearing for a while with your sister and telling her, if that is what you want to do. You are 26 years old, independent, and getting ready to go to college; good thing to enter college as your true self, whether you choose to inform the family about it right now or not.
Aye. I went and saw her. It was fine. My sister wasn't around so I didn't get a chance to talk to her. We'll try again this weekend. As far as being me in college. Hell yeah. I don't plan to hide it at all. Actually thought about maybe joining the GSA or another club; but I'm thinking I might be a bit old for them. I'll stick with the mens group. Which I miss dearly; I can't really find the time to go with work and all.
