Hi Everyone! So, I met someone who's MTF transgender. She's completely pre-op everything and isn't out to her family. She plans to come out soon, but doesn't know how. She still presents herself as a man to pretty much everyone. She only shows herself when she's with her small LGBTQ group of friends. Now, you can only imagine what she's going through...she's always fearful, she feels guilt and shame. Then the depression is just...it's so bad. She's such a beautiful person and I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to get to know her. I remind her of that every day that when we text, talk on the phone or Skype. I just wish I wasn't thousands of miles away from her (I plan to visit her soon). I just wish to comfort her and encourage her in ways, others have done for me when I was down. I know what she's going through is extremely tough and I may never comprehend what she's feeling inside but I still want to be there. Is there something more I could do or say? Any advice to give her in the coming out process about how she should approach her family? Or anything else... Thanks everyone...I hope this is the right thread, if not, sorry!
Well you could point her towards this forum, it helped me a lot. Maybe advise her to go seek for some professional help in dealing with all this. Just let her know she is not the only one and she has the right to be herself.
Like penta said, maybe she could try here. Some advice you can give her is to stay as close to her LGBT+ group of friends as she can, and then expand that circle of trust gradually. Like, if she has an extra-trusted friend or family member, she could talk to them, and then the ones she is maybe a little more doubtful aboutt, etc., work her way out. Let her know it's not an easy process, but she'll get there, and you're there for her and her friends are there for her. GL! (*hug*)
I just wanted to add more insight to the helpful advice above. I'm a trans guy. Sometimes I used to keep quiet about my dysphoria because I didn't want my partner to feel bad. He's said something similar about never being able to comprehend how it feels to be trans. I'm pretty sure it made him feel better, when I explained that he isn't to blame for my dysphoria, and also that I'm responsible for my own feelings. We're able to talk about almost anything and we usually stay objective. I think you're already doing a good job by being there and listening. As long as that support doesn't become dependence. Please don't forget to take care of your own feelings. It's awesome that she's got LGBT friends. That can help to balance many things. IF she's living with her family, then she needs a contingency plan, IF there's a risk that coming out will result in getting thrown out. Of course that could be less of a concern, if she ain't living with her family. Either way, it might help to "test the water." She could discuss something related to LGBT from the news/TV/film/etc and gauge reactions. I think the actual coming out process, is best done at a time when everyone involved is at least somewhat relaxed. I would probably begin by saying something positive, say the important stuff, and end with something positive. You don't want to drag it on longer than required and you also don't want to be awkwardly quick. She also might have to be prepared to explain transsexualism. Some folks might have knee-jerk reactions to the trans stuff, but if they really care; they'll be willing to learn and accept it. As you might know, some trans people write letters, and use those to come out. I tried that once and it didn't really work, but that's only my experience! I'm sorry, if my answer's jumbled. It's a heavy topic and I'm tired =P
Maybe she could see a gender therapist and just talk about her feelings. Not a regular therapist unless they're familiar with the LGBTQIA+ community. Hopefully your friend feels better! Well wishes.
