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Too afraid to come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by incaendo, May 10, 2015.

  1. incaendo

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    San Francisco
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi guys.
    I dont really know how to write this but I need support. I've had to hide myself from everyone for so long and now I know I can't ever come out - at least not for 4 years. My parents pretend to put on a face of tolerance for me, but they are really big homophobes and i know that they will judge me and possibly disown me if I came out as lesbian.
    The other thing is I don't even know if I'm lesbian, I just know i'm not straight. I've made out with guys before and it was awful, but that could just be the guy and not all males - or just their age because they're all 15/16 and so don't know how to kiss or anything yet. But I know I loved this girl who was my best freind, and I know I loved her in more than a friend way, and I'm so scared that somebody's gonna detect I'm not straight and tell my parents and then I'll never be accepted again.
    I'm just so scared. I don't know what to do. I hate being not straight and I hate myself for not being able to be into guys like that. I can have "crushes" or think guys are "attractive" but the thought of kissing them turns me off, whereas girls make me feel exctied.
    I just think I Need help.
    Any advice is welcome and thanks for reading.
     
  2. Notlad

    Full Member

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    The only one who can really decide if you are a lesbian is you. Admittedly, it can be difficult to admit that you're different, but once you acknowledge it and find a good group of people, you develop more confidence.

    I can't talk much about the parent thing I don't even have that figured out yet.

    Don't hate yourself. If you're going to make it in this world for long, you have to be able to live with yourself.

    Best of luck! Hope you sort all of it out!
     
  3. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    First of all, whatever attractions you feel towards people are completely normal and alright because it's what you feel. Secondly, it's perfectly okay to not know. Don't rush yourself. I too have been questioning a lot and I know it's really frustrating to not have a definitive answer. It makes it even harder when you really want yourself to like one gender more than the other. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself and try to take things as they come.
    Do you have any LGBT+ friends/aquaintances? If so, it may be a good idea to talk to them about it. One of the biggest things is that It's okay to come out as questioning. When I figured that out, it made things a lot easier. I told a friend who was bi and she was supportive and gave me advice. It's also okay to just come out to a few people you trust. You don't have to do it all at once, just like you don't have to decide right now what you're sexuality is. It's okay to not know. It's frustrating, but don't put pressure on yourself to know right away. I sincerely hope this helped and I wish you the best of luck(*hug*)
    Also, I encourage you to keep coming to EC for help and support. It's helped me so much just to know there are other people out there going through what I'm going through.
    (&&&)
     
  4. banana1

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    trust me, this will never happen...

    I always thought I am mr. gay...
    I wear pink shirts sometimes, really like dressing up

    but when I told close friends nobody would have guessed...
     
  5. TheJackC

    Full Member

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    You shouldn't be scared! I came out today, to my best friend. He is straight as they get, he even has a naked woman on his phones lock screen... But I typed out the message, cried for 15 minutes, and got an "okay I promis not to tell anyone" and now i feel so great! The first time is the worst, and depending on that the whole thing can change. So if your parents are homophobic, tell someone else you know isn't, to brighten you thoughts on the future, and make coming out to them easier! Hope I helped! Xxx