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How should I tell my friends? But I hate confrontation

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by VTH, May 10, 2015.

  1. VTH

    VTH
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    So I finally have accepted to myself that I'm lesbian, but I'm way to scared to come out to my friends. I know that they won't care, but I'm the kind of person who HATES confrontation. I just feel like I want to get drunk one day and say that I'm gay and later on have them ask me if I actually am. Ya, I know, it sounds like a bad idea. But, I'm just so scared.

    What made it easier for you to come out to your friends? Any advice? Like when or anything
     
  2. MetalRice

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    I can't say anything about friends; as I have none and never have had any. But what finally got me to come out as bi to my mom was just a good lunch and a need to tell someone.

    There's no perfect time to do it, so all I can really say is don't force yourself, get the courage, and make sure your ready to do it when you do it. Through you could always bring up gay issues first as a test to see how they react.
     
  3. YermanTom

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    Hi VTH
    You will not be the first or the last person to come out when they are drunk!
    Generally it is best to come out when you are in control of the situation. It is totally natural to be scared sh1tles. So only come out to those you feel comfortable with and when you feel comfortable. (even then it's still scary). For me coming out was worth it as I just don't have to pretend to those that matter to me any more.
    I once came out to a colleague when I was very drunk. He asked me was I gay, I said yes and the conversation immediately went back to whatever rubbish we were talking about before. It changed nothing as far as he was concerned.
    90% of the time there will be no confrontation but only acceptance.
    Best of luck.
     
  4. banana1

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    I've just told a few friends... but everytime I was drunk...
    I get anxiety if I am sober and think about that. :frowning2:
     
  5. SwimScotty

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    It doesn't have to be a confrontation or anything like that. You can just make it happen in passing. When I came out to my friend A, it was during a conversation about sexuality and the way people think about us. My friend C got the news while he was talking about the BSA policy on gay adults. I just told them when the subject came up, and that took a ton of the pressure off. I've come out to several people that way, including two co-workers and multiple friends.

    If you want to try and be more subtle, you can just start commenting on other people of the same sex whom you find attractive. Chances are that someone will get the point eventually.

    Good luck!
     
  6. bubbles123

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    You don't have to tell everyone all at once. Maybe just tell some really close friends first so you can ease into it slowly. Once you see that a few of your friends are supportive about it and get comfortable with them knowing, it will make it easier to tell more people.
    If you want to avoid confrontation and having to tell people face to face, there's this video:slight_smile: You may not actually want to use it, but kind of funny anyway.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhNXxlMvo08

    Good luck!
     
  7. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    @bubbles: LOL ^^

    Also, I agree with you, that's the theory I usually use as advice - begin with your closest circle and then expand outwards more and more:


    [​IMG]
     
  8. blossoms

    blossoms Guest

    Hi,
    I'm not out to all my friends, just my close friends know and I'm happy with that for the moment! The first friend I came out to, she was just talking about a guy she liked and then started asking me if I was attracted to anyone. I kind of just avoided the question at first but then thought, we've been friends absolute years, why not just pluck up the courage and tell her? I basically then told her that actually there was someone I liked, but not someone she'd have thought of… then I came out :slight_smile: she took it really well and actually apologised for just assuming I was into guys, which I didn't expect at all because how was she to know! Anyway, after that, I sort of just started dropping hints with my other friends and it was during a group movie night when we were all talking about crushes etc that I came out to them. It was awkward at first cause everyone just sorta sat quietly but then one of my male friends just excitedly asking me about female celebrities he likes and what I think of them! Haha it was actually really positive, even though there were moments of awkwardness. Good luck, take your time and do what you feel comfortable with. I'd say maybe try dropping hints if you're unsure of their reactions and see how they react - like others have said, it doesn't have to be a confrontation. Hope it goes well for you :slight_smile:
     
    #8 blossoms, May 12, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2015
  9. VTH

    VTH
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    Thanks everyone! Your advice has actually been super helpful.
     
  10. Boudicca

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    I completely understand. I emailed my mom and sent facebook messages to my brother and a few friends. Everyone else asked me, which made it see much more casual, less like I was coming out, I guess. Maybe you can write to them if doing it in person is too much for you.
     
  11. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    Wow I hope my coming out experience will be as positive as yours! I'm so scared though :frowning2: