1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I must be stupid...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BeautifulStranger, Nov 27, 2008.

  1. BeautifulStranger

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2007
    Messages:
    917
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jukjeon-dong, Yongin-si
    I seriously must be...

    I just got off the phone with Mike.
    And for the most part, it was really good. He was super jealous I'm going to a Katy Perry concert, he teased me for a bit... etc.

    Then I asked him if his feelings for me have changed.
    I didn't get an answer for 5 minutes.
    So I asked him again.
    Here's how it went from there...

    Me: Babe, you there? Did you hear me?
    Him: Yeah.
    Me: Have they changed? Yes or no?
    Him: ....Yeah.
    Me: Okay... in a bad way?
    Him: No, they're just different.
    Me: Oh... so do you still want to marry me?
    Him: Without a doubt.
    -silence from me-
    Him: You okay?
    Me: I am. I just... I was stupid. I knew we were going to be different... I just wasn't sure how much and I should've known better.
    Him: What do you mean?
    Me: There's no hope of seeing you. When we were both in Michigan, we could always make plans to meet. We can't now. I might not even see you in a year. And the way we talk... I know you can't say the things you used to. Do you still think of the future?
    Him: Yes, always.
    Me: Am I there when you think about it?
    Him: 80% of the time... So yeah, you usually are.
    Me: Oh... I'm just... right now I worry that you don't want me anymore. Even if we don't stay together forever, I still want you in my life. You've touched me in so many ways and you really mean so much to me.
    Him: I will be there, without a doubt.
    Me: I bet you will be... but I want you there as Mike, my husband. Not Mike, my best friend.


    I guess it could've gone so much worse...
    But... I just don't know about boys...

    The worst part is right now I'm wishing horrible things on every single happy couple in the world. If I'm not 100% happy with my relationship, why should they?
    I know it's a disgusting thing to wish on someone... but I'm so frustrated.
     
  2. Amy

    Amy
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2008
    Messages:
    1,237
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern California, United States
    O, love, you're not stupid, you're in love; there is a huge difference.

    I'm not going to tell you to do except think. Think about what you want, not what he wants, or what anyone else wants.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. Miaplacidus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2007
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Montevideo, Uruguay / Buenos Aires, Argentina
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Oh how I know that... *hugs Tyler*

    You aren't stupid. Maybe confused, but not stupid.
     
  4. Amy

    Amy
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2008
    Messages:
    1,237
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern California, United States
    I forgot to say how much I am like that. Where I just think "Fuck you and your togetherness and bliss and...happines. IT IS NOT GOING TO LAST SO GIVE UP NOW!!!!!"
     
  5. musican

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    (Not the city), New York
    Don't feel bad about wishing bad on happy couples, I want to walk up to them and slap them for having something that I can't. I know that I can't have a relationship until I'm out and I don't see that going well any time this year, but that doesn't stop me from wishing I could have a boyfriend, wishing that I could have someone to hold onto, someone to hold onto me when the world seems to spin out of control. I very much envy other people's happiness and I'm jealous at their togetherness.
     
  6. BeautifulStranger

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2007
    Messages:
    917
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jukjeon-dong, Yongin-si
    Upon further assessment of the situation (again, I apologize for my spelling... English is slowly becoming my second language right now >.<!!), I decided that I want to be with Mike, but I don't want to depend on him so much.

    He doesn't do anything to make me so dependent, but when I think of him... I feel like I'm down and I can't get up.

    The scariest thought is that if he told me to drop everything and move in with him, I would. Even if he was living in a place that held nothing for me.
    I'd give me dreams and everything to be with him.
     
  7. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    >>>O, love, you're not stupid, you're in love; there is a huge difference.

    [​IMG]

    Lex