So I just told my best friend that I'm not straight. I think I might be gay, but I'm not sure if that's where my sexuality lies just yet. Seeing as she's identified as everything from gay to bi to asexual, she was completely accepting. It felt kind of good, but I'm also afraid. I know my immediate family will not be as open or accepting as my friend is. I've even told myself to wait until my mother dies before trying to figure out the person that I really am. Does anyone have any advice on the first steps out of the closet?
Well, congrats on coming out to your friend. Well, testing the waters always helps. Get into a conversation about LGBT rights, and see what they say. If they say homophobic things, then maybe leave it. If they are supportive, maybe do something. Do you have LGBT family members? If so, what does your family say about them? Are they ostracized, or just treated normally? If you are gay, then they will find out eventually anyhow. You could just wait until you bring a boyfriend home, if you are worried about their reactions. It doesn't really make much difference tellign them before that happens...
They have frequently expressed passive aggressive homophobia to me in the past. My grandmother has told me that she thinks it's gross when two guys kiss. My mom has told me several times that if I ever turned out as anything other than straight, it would break her heart. I don't have any LGBT family members whatsoever. I'm trying to slowly be selectively out. I don't think they would handle the news well at all.
Congratulations on coming out to your friend! It's so great knowing that someone knows, isn't it? With regards to coming out to your family, I want to echo everything that Im Hazel said. Even though your family may not necessarily be as open as your friend is, it doesn't mean that they won't be open to you at all. I think starting with testing the waters is a good first step to gauge their reactions, and then you'll have a better understanding of how they view the LGBT community and of what your next step might be. Coming out is different for everyone - some people drop hints and gradually ease their families into the idea without explicitly saying anything, whilst others may choose to write a letter or have a sit-down chat about it. Judging what is best for you is a hugely personal process and can take a long time (it definitely did for me), so take as much time as you need. Best of luck ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ETA: Sorry, I just saw your message above! I'm sorry that your family have expressed these views, it's so hard feeling like you might not be accepted for who you truly are. I'm experiencing non-acceptance from my family at the moment, so I'm not entirely sure I'm the best person for advice, but I think taking as much time as you need is the best strategy. Taking tiny little baby steps and casually mentioning LGBT topics may make them more aware, and it's hugely possible that over time, their attitudes will change! Is there anyone in your family that doesn't share these attitudes and that you can trust completely? Your friend sounds really supportive, so talking to her may really help as well, if you ever feel isolated or scared or even if you decide that you're going to come out, let her know - at least you'll know for sure that you have someone on your side if it doesn't go as well as you'd hope. Once again, good luck!
It is the best feeling that someone knows. I feel really happy, and I feel accepted. I can only hope for the same reaction from those I come out to. As far as my family goes, I would love nothing more for them to accept me as me, and not turn me away based on my sexuality. I can try a subtle hint here and there, but I don't know what I'll do if they don't accept me. They're my family. They're the only one I have.
