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Need help coming out to dad

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by materialboy, Nov 27, 2008.

  1. materialboy

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    Hi there. I've been on this forum for quite a while but did not register until about 5 minutes ago. Figured I might need some help and support others aswell :slight_smile:

    So, here's my dilemma

    Everyone knows that I'm gay...except dad. He's quite homofobic and it really surprises me that he hasn't been able to figure me out yet. I mean...how many straight sons lipsync to madonna songs all day long and do all sorts of stereotypical hand movements and so on? (I know stereotypes are wrong but most of the time I really do act like the gay stereotype!).

    In other words, he should have figured it out by now. Seriously :lol:

    But he hasn't. And we really got a great relationship going on so telling him in person would be the hardest thing. Any advice on what I could do would be appreciated :slight_smile:

    I would like him to one day meet by BF (6 months a week and ½ from today :grin: ).

    (*hug*)
     
    #1 materialboy, Nov 27, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2008
  2. -Michael-

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    Try a letter.

    Leave for the day.

    That's what i did.

    Let it settle in for him and then deal with him when it had sank in for him.

    =]


    Remember, EC is like heaven for these things. :wink:

    aha.
     
  3. kramer362

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    He already knows- He just doesn't want to confront or accept it. :bang:
     
  4. Swamp56

    Swamp56 Guest

    I wouldn't say that kramer....my dad had no idea, and I was trying to act gay to him, so he would figure out by himself....that didn't work >.<

    Anyway, my dad took it a lot better than I thought he would :wink: . I can almost guarantee you that if he says homophobic things, it's not out of hate, but out of trying to be funny (straight men -___- ).

    I told my dad over the phone lol.

    A note is a good idea too, if you can't tell him personally :wink: .
     
  5. Lexington

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    He may know. Or he may be camped (sorry) out firmly along the banks of DeNile.

    You don't mention your mother. Is she still alive? Does she know? How is your relationship with her? You might talk with her about it, and see if she has some insight on how best to approach him.

    Lex
     
  6. crimsonarcher

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    Can you somehow bring up the subject of homosexuality without you coming out?
    You know, to see what he truly thinks about it?
    Do you have any gay relatives also?
    Gay relatives can be a big help.
    Lastly, like Lexington said, your mother can also be a big help. She was for me.
     
  7. LoveIsBlind

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    I have to agree, if you can, try to talk to your mother about how you should tell him.

    I was scared about telling my dad as well, but my mum had a talk with him first and once I told him she was there with me to help me if I needed her.

    Good luck with however you decide to tell him! :slight_smile:
     
  8. materialboy

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    thanks you all for all your helpful replies :slight_smile:

    My mother knows and she accepts it. In fact, she let us stay at her place when my BF is in town :slight_smile:. My parents are divorced since a long time but basically she thinks that he (my dad) would accept it...after a long while. And I know that only I can tell him. Noones gonna do it for me. I'm absolutly positive that he knows that I'm gay. But, he's kind and supportive in every way but when it comes to things different....not so fine. A recent example is the very first time he met my sisters tatooed boyfriend. Dad did not even say hi. In fact, he yelled at my sisters BF for his tatooes and clothes before her BF even was able to introduce himself ( ! ) but was convinced to make an apology later.

    And he wonders why none of his daughters keep in touch with him anymore.

    So, writing a letter was a good suggestion. I'm actually going to start writing it now. But how about a text msg? I seriously cannot do this upfront and sending him a text message, while securely resting in my BFs arms, 200 miles away is an attractive option.

    Any opinion on this or any other ways I could do it?

    And again, you all have been really helpful :slight_smile: Thanks! (*hug*)
     
  9. materialboy

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    Mom tells me to tell him upfront, she doesn't get what's so hard with doing that. But there's no way I'm going to be able to do it like that.

    As I mentioned earlier, she's fine with it and all and giving me support. (But I don't like how she uses my, highly personal, sexual orientation as a tool to impress her friends.) But that's something for another thread.
     
  10. Nixon

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    He knows
    Just takes that whiskey down is
    throat
    try's to
    forget it
    BANG!!!