Ok, so about 3 weeks ago I came out to a professor, one I've never met before and he pointed me in the direction of a group on campus where I can meet more people like me. I went there after like a week of nervously passing by the office. It was a slow process, but eventually I met a lot of people through this group and I can't remember the last time I'd been happier. However, most of the members of this group are girls. This wouldn't normally bother me, but one of the major reasons for my finally coming out had a lot to do with my losing ability to control my feelings. There's a guy in one of my classes that I can't even look at because I get fluttery and I can almost feel myself blushing. I've never been like this before around someone and it's messing with me a lot. I feel like I need to find someone before I do something stupid, but I can't do it by myself. I've only ever been with girls, and even then I wasn't very good at this sort of thing (I'm also sick of pretending I like them, it's practically become habit). I was so excited about coming out and meeting someone, but now I just feel like I'm stuck between a straight and gay existence. Have I not come out enough to do this? Is it too late? I'm scared to death of how my friends and family will treat me if I tell them, I don't want them to act different around me. And I feel like if I don't find someone before I graduate (1 semester to go) I will have lost my only chance. I'm confused, frustrated and anxious all at once and all this turkey isn't helping my stomach. What the heck can/should I do?
Welcome to EC! A bunch of stuff going on, so I'll try to address it one by one. First thing - relax. You're not on a timeline. I didn't come out until right around graduation, either. And yeah, it would've been nice to do that "experimenting" thing that supposedly is so easy to do in college, I still got through it all right. I still got boyfriends and sex and, eventually, a partner. Also, don't focus on the hypothetical. You MAY in fact find a guy at school, click with him, and get physical. That'd be great. But don't go forcing it. Don't "pretend you like him", the same way you pretended you liked girls previously, just because you want something to happen before graduation. That wouldn't be fair to him, and it probably wouldn't be much fun for you, either. As far as getting flustered go, actually, the girls can help. Talk to them about it. They more than likely go through the same thing with specific girls, and they might be able to give you some advice about how to handle that. Will your friends and family treat you differently? Almost certainly a bit. But probably not in a massive way, and probably not in a negative way. It's a new "piece of the puzzle" in who you are. It gives them a clearer picture who AA is. Some friends or family may have questions, if they don't know any other gay people. That's fine - answer them. Education is the only cure for ignorance. Keep at it. Let us know how it goes. Lex
Yes Lex is very smart. I also agree with Lex on talking to the girls about how you are feeling because bottling your emotions and feelings is not healthy for you.Niether is pretending to like girls.That could prove detrimental to your mental health.The girls probably went through that as well when they first realized their sexuality and I think they would be a great resource for you because they will know that you aren't trying to hit on them.It will make them feel good if they feel like they can aid someone else that is going through the same things that they did at the very begining. And congratulations on telling your professor first.Not many people can come out to a person of authority such as a professor before you come out to anyone else.
