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Feeling a bit isolated

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Choucho, Nov 28, 2008.

  1. Choucho

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    This will probably sound very whiney, because I realize a lot of people face these same problems. I'll try my best not to be annoying, but I need to vent some stuff.

    Well, for starters I am 18 and have never really experienced a significant relationship outside of the internet. Which for me personally kind of sucks. Don't be mislead by the term "significant relationship", though, because I've never been hugged/kissed by, or held the hand of someone of the same gender. Of course, I suppose it doesn't help that my school is composed largely of a malicious horde of rednecks.

    I feel very disconnected from my friends. I don't feel like I can talk to them about anything anymore, and frankly the past little while I haven't even known what there is to talk about. With the exception of maybe two people, I always have to be the one to initiate msn conversations, and it gives me the impression that these people don't really want to talk to me.

    Part of me is a little resentful, and doesn't want to talk to anyone unless they message me first. Then there's the lonely part of me that usually wins out over the resntful part and messages people, only to have some other random part of me wish the people would leave me alone. Kind of weird.

    Right now I find it a bit difficult to care. People tell me their problems constantly, and I sit here patiently waiting for the day when someone will offer to listen to me. But no one does, not ever. I'm here to listen, not to feel.

    I was feeling suicidal for a while, but I think it has passed. Now I'm just tired, and sad. But, during the time that I did feel that way, no one seemed to notice that anything was wrong. I tried to give hints, because I was too ashamed to say it outright, which I realize is probably not an effective method. It sure didn't work for me, because a couple of my friends seemed to find one particular hint especially amusing. (something to the effect of that I was sleeping a lot lately to keep myself from finding the time to die)

    Also, to the couple people I did tell I didn't really get very comforting reactions. One friend was fairly supportive, but lectured me a lot on how I ought to live my life, and the other friend said "suicidal tendancies make people cool"

    Not only this, but in the past two of my friends lectured me about how I wasn't allowed to be sad (they said those exact words) because they were sad, and I had to keep them happy.

    And my friends wonder why I don't talk to them.

    I have many aspects of my personality which I suppose make me a very difficult person to befriend. Therefore, the obvious result is that it's very hard for me to meet new people who will actually accept me. This may answer a question for some who might be wondering why I don't look for more epathetic friends.

    It's not just at school there. I don't really feel like I belong anywhere, ever. I'm just too different from most people. I am the minority of the minority, and it makes me wish often that I would have more of a desire to fake my personality, or at least be more "normal" for real.

    Hmm, what else. I dunno. Other than the fact that people seem to really enjoy ignoring me, I think that's it.
     
  2. beckyg

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    Choucho.....lots of people don't really have relationships until they get out of high school and move to an environment where you meet new people. My daughter was this way. She just hung out with her friends never really dating anybody until she went to college. Now she's got guys hanging all over her all the time! So don't give up on love just because you haven't found it at 18 years of age. There is someone out there for you, I promise!

    It sounds like you need to work on your self-esteem some which will help draw people to you too. People radiate to those that have self-confidence. Try thinking about one thing you like about yourself and then focus on that for one week. Then add to the list. Write these on your mirror so you see them every single day.

    Also do a little something to make you feel good about yourself. Get a new hairstyle or buy some new clothes if you can afford it. These little things can give you alot of confidence.

    Good luck! We care about you and your happiness!
     
  3. xequar

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    For what it's worth, my first relationship was after I came out... At age 25.

    I'll second Becky's comments, as well. The only way to win at life is to believe you're going to win at life and work at winning at life. The first has to come before the second, because if you don't believe you are capable, then you're not. Yeah, I know it sounds cheesy, but it really is true.

    And yeah, it really is amazing what a new hair style can do. Go crazy! Right after I came out, I shaved my head and porkchop sideburns, and I'm now bald. It made enough of a difference that some of my friends have subsequently joked that my straightness must have been in my hair.

    *Hugs*
     
  4. tomahto72

    tomahto72 Guest

    I know almost exactly how you feel...But you have gone alot farther than me in the way of kissing and holding hands...

    Obviously you should definitely follow Becky's advice clothes, material things can make you feel soo much better. Another one that works for me is to watch ridiculously over the top comedies. For me I would think right enough depression I am turning this round and I would watch Mock the Week, Have I got News For You, Black Books (these are all english things but you can get them on youtube). Just something to make you laugh. Then I would go to sleep and weirdly wake up happy. I don't know it might just be me but it has never failed...

    Your friends sound way to self-centred. I don't honestly know how to make this better because mine were exactly like this but I'm too passive and laid back so I almost always took it. But initiating msn convos hmmmmm. I have to do that as well even though I am halfway across the world and haven't seen them for a year but trust me, most of the time they are just signed in but not looking at who is online, don't take it personally. People are lazy and just see a name and leave it unless they really really need to talk.

    Oh and by raising your self-esteem people come flocking. You need to initiate conversations, break down barriers and all of those wonderful things. I think someone said this before???

    Mmkay take care, things will look up soon
    (*hug*)
     
  5. Choucho

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    Sorry it took me so long to reply to you all. >.< I've just been pre-occupied lately.

    But thanks everyone for the advice. ^.^
     
  6. daniel1655

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    Sweetheart,you are not alone.
     
  7. Smiley1123

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    This is my exact problem too! Except I hardly have a self-esteem at all. I hate myself to tell you the truth. I don't think I'm better than average at anything! I'm stupid even though I study really hard I never ever get good grades! My friends never seem to listen to me and it hurts. I don't even know what to do anymore...
     
  8. musican

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    I can understand how you feel. I don’t fit in with other people and I have a hard time making friends, and then keeping them. If I need to talk about something, people who are willing to listen are far and few between, but if anyone needs to talk, they know that I will listen and be helpful because that’s the kind of person I am. People that I’m not even friends with will come up to me and ask me for help, or tell me their problems because they know that I’m a helpful person. I really only have one person I consider to be my friend and she is amazing, but she is only one person, and she is a girl, and she is only a friend. I’m not sure what to tell you other than that I can understand; I’m not out, I don’t think that it would be a good idea to be out, I have few friends, and I’ve been depressed lately. Let me know if you would like to talk.
     
  9. TheRoof

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    i can really relate with u
    part of me wants other people to like start talking to me
    and all that and part of me feels lonely so i just start talking
    and then sometimes it's just like hell leave me alone for god's sake
    i also have some hard time making friends cuz my personality isn't
    exactly easy...i mean i do have friends but it just takes time for people
    to really understand me and be friends w/me ya know.
    so don't be sad, cuz ur not the only one...a lot of us feel that way
    cheerup!!!!
     
  10. Pendrin2020

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    The sad thing about being a minority amongst even the minorities is that Isolation is absolutely unavoidable. for the last six years I have been living in a bubble of rednecks and homophobic Tony Soprano wannabes (my dad), and I figured out that if I'm going to be happy, I have to be willing to go to any lengths to find support in person. I don't know if Ontario has a big out population but my suggestion is to find some people you can sit down with who know exactly what you are feeling.. ie gay people. chat rooms and message boards are nice and all but, at some point the keyboard is always guaranteed to make me feel even more lonely. "christ, I have to go online to find friends," I love to beat the hell out of myself sometimes (don't we all?). Not ragging on chatting. I spend way too much time here lately to do that, but tomorrow, I'm going to one of my support group meetings and I'm going to talk to them.

    we can always do together what we can never do alone.