Is it advisable to come out without knowing for sure what sexuality you are?

hi there...new here myself but your post rings bells with me!
first off theres a lot of pressure to identify as a "set" preference-i.e. strictly gay, straight, bi or whatever. choice is yours really you don't have to choose one yet obviously if your not sure.
I first came out as "Bi" to family when I was 14- one or two years down the line my feelings for girls basically disappeared lol. made for some awkward times whenever girls asked me out that's for sure.
all im saying is don't rush you can always say when asked that youre "questioning" and its a satisfactory answer to most people too.
also, which orientation seems most logical to you personally? you mention that you like girls but as I said it could change lol! it certainly did with me. anything else you wanna chat about give me a shout- im brand new here but plenty of XP with being bi -then- gay aha.

Take care <3

 

My feeling is that the people to discuss this with are people you are close to that you know are open to this type of thing, and just relate that you are still trying to figure out where you are, in this. That's really the best place to start any coming out journey, in most cases. For instance, you have come out to us. Good start, and you did it well. If you can do the same thing around your nearest foo-foo liberal do-gooder friend you know face-to-face, then it shouldn't be too much more complicated, since we are really not as much different from that person as it might seem. All you're lacking there is the anonymity.

 

Depends on if you feel comfortable doing it, have anyone you can do it too; etc. Come out when you feel ready too, don't force yourself to be bound to finding a label before you do if you are certain of things (such as the fact that you like girls); through a label doesn't hurt if you feel like you need one.

 

I would say come out to friends you feel close and comfortable with. If it feels right, then go for it. Maybe some of them may even be able to offer you advice along the way.

I went through a similar experience with my gender identity about a year ago, so I know how you feel.

 

It's not uncommon to feel scared and unnerved about this sort of thing - I was greatly myself when I figured out I liked men too and recently with my issues with my gender, and during the whole coming out process for the former, you'll grow more comfortable with it over time and those feelings will eventually fade away.

But yeah, as long as you are comfortable with the fact that you like girls and have someone who can be supportive, then I say do it; but that of course is your choice to make. (*hug*):icon_wink

 

You definitely don't need a label to come out however let me give you some other advice in regards to coming out. Never use the words "I think." The minute you say I think I like girls or I think I'm gay, people will see this as confusion and dismiss it. I speak from personal experience.

 

Good luck

 

When I read this, it was almost that I could have written it myself a few months ago. I met this girl and we hit it off. We went on a few dates and I got really confused about my orientation. I knew that I liked her, but I was confused if that made me a lesbian or if I was just curious. I built it all up inside until my sister approached me and asked me what was going on in my life witch I was not telling her about. Then I told her I had been on a few dates with this girl and she was totally supportive. It felt so good talking about it out loud and was very liberating. Her response gave me the courage to talk my closest friends about it as well. I feel like I cant put a label on it quite yet, if I´m a lesbian or what.. but talking about it to friends and family does help, at least in my case.

I hope you figure it out soon.. Good luck and I hope it helped to hear that someone is going through the same thing

 

Hey there,

I personally feel that there is no absolute answer like advisable or not. Coming out is always a personal choice.

For me, my initial coming outs were without surety of sexuality. I do not regret it. It was definitely liberating. I am thankful to those decisions.

First, I came out to my close friend first at age of 21 - as a questioning person - actually I was having doubts about my sexual attractions for girls whether or not it exists. Honestly at that age I did not even know that it was part of me coming out. Then at 23 and 24 - I again came out to other close friends - as Questioning and then as Not Straight. Since I was not sure, my friends initials reactions pointed to denial, discarding my doubts, ignore it etc. But that has not changed my orientation ! So I am thankful I came out regardless of surety so I could talk and discuss for hours with closest friends. I did not have idea about EC back then! I am from India and it is unimaginable to be anything other than straight. I may be pretty late in being open and educated about these stuffs but better late than never.

For you - see what is your personal situation, what you need from your friends, where are you in your journey of coming out, how is your environment - and take your decision. I am sure whatever decision you take - in long run it will get better !

 

You could come out as mostly gay or something, just explain to them you are still working things out. I was like this for over a year and a half, because at first I concluded that I was gay but then... I discovered my flexibility and I questioned for another 1.5 years until I just came out as bi with a strong preference and/or no labels. I wish I had came out as mostly gay but bi still covers that in a sense. I'm more interested in actually experiencing relationships and beyond that click with me so I don't care about labels and terms at all.
Let them know that you are still learning about yourself if you choose to come out. I found that questioning in the closet for years did not help. When you are out of the closet you can get out there and find out easily without restrain. By being out I learnt more about myself through experiences rather than being in the closet questioning what I should identify as.