I've already come out to several friends in another country who have been very supportive, but now I want to come out to another group of friends who will very likely not react well (they're very religious). I basically have the whole month of June to do so (I want to do it before I leave for summer), but I don't know whether to do it at the beginning of the month (so we have time to talk about it afterwards and meet again so it's not the last thing I tell them in a long time which could be awkward) or if I should do it at the end (so if they react badly I can leave quickly). Any advice?
I'd say tell your friends in the beginning of the month so at least if they did want to meet up with you and talk about it then they can. I know that you're scared to tell them for fear of rejection but they may surprise you and if not....well you one unique unicorn prancing on that gay rainbow highway and don't need no bigot baggage. or in other words they're not worth being your friend.
Haha thanks for the advice, this literally made my day! Especially the unicorn part I was thinking of telling them at the beginning, you’ve convinced me that it’s the best time, now I have 2 weeks to prepare myself psychologically ^^ Any advice on how to deal with losing friends after coming out?
Just tell them, "I'm so gay, I fart rainbows." That's my personal favorite. Look, you're not going to lose them all or even most of them as friends. They might feel awkward or behave very stupidly around you for a while, and you might get a lot of weird silence and not get any phone calls from them for a while, but that's most likely because you've glitched the silicon chips in their brains. Give them time to reboot and come to grips, and they'll realize, eventually, that you're the same person you've always been. You might even, with time, find some of them being warmer and more tender toward you, seeing you as more human. Believe it or not, but relatively few people really go in for the "shun the evil sinner homosexual" thing, and those that do go in for that are finding themselves to be increasingly excluded and isolated. Even the most passionate fundamentalists usually are above that, and they see it as the filthy hypocrisy that it is. Conservative Christians may be wrong about some things, but they aren't stupid; they can tell a arrogant coward and feel about the same about them as you and I. If some of your religious friends actually DO try to go that route and develop this haughty sense of having the moral high-ground and thinking they're going to shame you into changing, somehow like some stupid shunning ritual, then that kind of moralistic arrogance doesn't fly. It's intentionally cruel and hateful, and it represents a truly evil form of vanity. False friends, worthless people, not just worthless to you but worthless to the cosmos, trash, junk, abort, screw them. If I found out that I had genuinely shed worthless baggage like that from my life, then I would be doing cartwheels, my friend. Consider it a good thing that you shed them before you were really in trouble and needed to call on them. For the most part, though, don't assume, right off, that a silence means they have rejected you for good, even if they seem to suggest so. They're usually just trying to figure themselves out, so be patient. Be the mature one. Be the strong one. It's a hard thing for them to understand, so they need your help and your patience.
Hahaha that’s a really good one!! The thing is I’m leaving for college after summer and won’t see most of them very often, so I’m afraid the friendship might ‘die’ if they feel awkward and we’re far from each other. Also some of them said specifically that if they had a gay friend they’d be distant because they “wouldn’t want the gay friend to make them question their sexuality” (*sigh*), but I’m planning to tell them specifically that I won’t ‘make them gay’ or whatever they’re afraid of I agree with what you said about religion but I live in a super religious country and homosexuality is punishable by prison and so on so it’s much harder for my friends to be more ‘modern’ in their views since everyone else in the country is homophobic… They even have anti-gay protests and gay people get beat up and stuff :O But as you said they can change their minds even if they react badly initially, especially with college. Thanks for all the advice
Don't worry. That used to be a problem in the US, and there actually were loud and passionate anti-gay protests in the time of Harvey Milk, even with sweet, little teenage girls crying that the gays were "going to take away the country's morality" and all that. We went through it, too! I'm 31, soon to be 32 years old, and I grew up when gay sex was still punishable by prison, here in the US. That gives me more of a context, I think, than some younger folks for how ugly people can be on their first reactions. I'm just going to stress my reassurance, don't judge people based on their initial reactions. It's hard to weather the storm, but be patient. Give people a chance.
Thanks so much for all that advice, and you're right I hadn't thought of that ^^ Anyway my problem is (half-way) solved because a guy in my grade just came out to my friends as bi and they became closer and everything, they were okay with it!!! I know it might be different when I come out because they might be afraid I'm going to hit on them and stuff, and also I'm closer to them than he is, and he hasn't come out to the most homophobic of my friends, but still, it's such a relief!!!!
