I'm a senior in high school, on the verge of graduating. So, here's my problem: a girl. She's gorgeous. And smart. And sweet. Pretty much what you look for in a girl, when you're straight. I took her to prom twice, as friends. Although I'm confident that she feels something a little stronger for me. And the straw that broke my back (metaphorically)? This past weekend was my sister's wedding, which meant that all of my family came out to visit. I was a groomsman in the wedding, along with my brother-in-law's college buddies. We groomsmen all hung out quite a bit that weekend, so we all got pretty close, despite the five year age gap. Anyway, by the time of the reception, I'd received the "Do you have a girlfriend?" question several times, to which I replied, "Uh, no. That's one of the reasons I'm looking forward to college." Enter the good female friend of mine. My mother invited her to the wedding, probably because she wants us to get together. The entire reception, I painfully endured my extended family meeting her, as if my actual girlfriend. We danced together, because frankly, there was no one else to dance with. All of the groomsmen taunted me, in a friendly, bro-esk, way that she's basically my girlfriend; if only they knew. This torture has been going on for over two years. My mother, sisters, friends, all want me to make a more with her, but I can't. And it's physically and emotionally draining to continue this constant denial and distraction. I need to make excuses not to date her, which makes me feel horrible. Is this a sign that I need to tell someone? Probably my sister, for lack of people. I'm graduating high school in two weeks, and I'll be off to college, where this girl will also be attending. Hopefully then I'll muster the courage to open up; until then I'm terrified I might say the wrong thing and draw attention to myself. I can't take it a anymore. Advice?
I've seen this quote paraphrased and attributed to so many people that I'm not sure where it comes from or the exact wording, but I do believe it applies here. "We change... when the the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing." If this sounds like you then maybe it is time.
You deserve, and are entitled to, a life in which you can be free, open, and fulfilled. Coming out and progressing to the next phase of identity development can be very good for the mental health and well-being of sexual orientation minorities. I am 22; I came out to an old (very supportive) best friend of mine when I was 19 (he gave me a 5-minute hug); I came out to my mom when I was 20 (she was very supportive and said "Your happiness is all that matters to me...just as long as men do not treat you like they have treated me [she went through a lot]...I love you always"). However, not everybody has such amazing experiences, unfortunately. My regret is not coming out sooner. I wish you the best!
I'm not out to anyone, but the one thing that occurs to me is the girl could be hoping for more than you can give. Of course, you should only come out when you are ready, but she needs to be early on the list.
Well, I have a very strong sense of honor, and right now, I think the important thing is the future of that young woman. She needs to know, even if nobody else does.
