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All I have to do is send this text message...but I'm scared.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SubZero, May 17, 2015.

  1. SubZero

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    Hey guys. I'm 21 and I'm making it a goal of mine to come out to one of my female cousins this week. I've had this goal in mind for quite some time now and it's just very nerve-wrecking because it's getting closer and closer.

    So, I just constructed a text message to send to her to ask if I can speak to her sometime this week about something important. She lives approximately 45 mins away and I only see her around major holidays. Even though I don't see her much, we're pretty close and I feel most comfortable around her than any of my other cousins. I think she's the perfect person to tell first. The only problem is that I'm currently doubting myself and I keep going through these thoughts in which, on some days, I'm confident that I can tell her, and other days, I feel like I can't. It's a vicious cycle.

    I also haven't even sent the text message to her yet. That's how nervous/scared I am. Once I send it, there's no turning back. I don't really keep in contact with her that often, so I think it'll be slightly awkward once I send it. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but I just want to make sure I don't make the wrong move. Deep down, I think I'll feel good and proud of myself once I tell her, but some part of me is holding me back. I don't know how to overcome this. Please help!
     
  2. nonbinarym

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    I think you should do it only if you feel comfortable and are ready to. I know from personal experience how nerve-wracking it can be to send a text message.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Its difficult and the first is often the worst. Just before I came out for the first time I questioned myself quite a lot, I think it is because by coming out to the first person you are almost making it real. Whilst it is just in your head or online, you feel like you are still in control as though if you wanted to you could make it disappear but once you tell someone you kind of take that away. In my mind its like the point of no return, or at least that's how it felt when I was going through it.

    Did you manage to press send?
     
  4. SubZero

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    Yeah I do feel ready to tell her, but only her though. I don't see myself telling any of my guy friends or my parents, but hopefully that'll change in the near future. It's definitely making me nervous!

    That definitely makes sense! I'm just worried what will be the outcome (even though I don't think it'll be anything negative) because I'll be telling her something quite personal, which I've never mentioned to anybody before. I haven't pressed "send" yet, but I'm hoping to soon. It's very scary because I was content just keeping it to myself, but I also want to open up to her. I dunno...I just got to be brave and press "send", but it's hard.
     
  5. silverhalo

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    It absolutely is hard. You just need 5 seconds of bravery :slight_smile:

    I think it is all about the tipping of the scales. When you first figure out your sexuality you feel it is far to scary to come out and you are happy in the closet but as time passes your desire to come out grows. So I believe you feel ready to come out when your desire to come out becomes stronger than your fear of the reaction. It is only natural that you fear her reaction even though you are confident it wont be bad.
    You will get there, keep your chin up.
     
  6. SubZero

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    Thanks for the advice. I totally understand what you're saying. All I want is to tell ONE person, which will be my cousin. I've been thinking this through and I'm just going to go through with it and not chicken out. Wish me luck!
     
  7. bubbles123

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    Good luck!!:slight_smile:
     
  8. PATenor2

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    Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
     
  9. Onyx

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    Just think of it this way, you'll feel 100× better if you press send
     
  10. SubZero

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    Thank you! :slight_smile:

    Thanks! I'll be sure to do that! :slight_smile:

    Well, I pressed it and I did feel a bit of nervousness and my heart started to beat rapidly at first, but then I felt a sense of relief once I sent it. I'm glad I did. We're going to talk tomorrow in person. It's becoming all too real lol.