1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Oh screw it. Help with survey please?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by gasian, May 18, 2015.

  1. gasian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2015
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SE USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Y'know what? screw it. I am sick and tired of having to keep being gay a secret around my friends. Whenever I'm in the shower (the only place where I can just think without feeling monitored or judged), this...feeling....wells up in me, and I feel that I need to tell somebody, and tell them now. I almost blurted out "I'm gay" halfway through church the other day. So I need to tell people. I've decided to tell 4 of them. Let's call them...Parvati, Shang, Bill, and Josefina. They each live far away from me, so any contact between parents would be avoided. I can't ask them the normal questions about "what do you think about gay people" because all of them are like...uber smart. As in, supercomputer, Ivy League smart people, and connect dots faster than a printer. So I need a new way.

    I know that I need to be upfront and all about this, but I need to first gauge my friends' views on homosexuality. Therefore, I'm asking 4 of them to "take a survey" as a favor for me as a favor "for a teacher." Then, based on how they take the questions, I will come out to them (hopefully). I've decided that a Skype or Facetime conversation is best to monitor their facial expressions over the course of the "survey". While this may seem cloak and dagger, remember, my friends are uber smart. I would love nothing more than to tell them straight up (haha how punny)...but I can't, as internet means that if they are homophobic, and I choose wrong, then my parents will know...which is malo.

    Friend descriptions: Padma lives in NW USA, she identifies as liberal, and is of subcontinental Indian descent; she has openly said she supports gay people, and is Hindu. Shang lives in NE USA as a boarder student from China; I have no idea about his political or religious beliefs. Bill...is Southern USA, identifies as mildly conservative, and is Caucasian, and I'm pretty sure he is of a Christian denomination. Josefina is a girl of Venezuelan origin who lives in Brazil, identifies as Catholic, but I'm fairly certain is very liberal based off of her feminist views and posts. Very diverse friend grouping, so yeah...and they're all straight and going to college in the fall.

    I'm going to privately message each of my friends, and ask them to do a face to face "survey" sometime in June, around halfway through (so a month from now). Each person will be questioned each day based on how I think they'll take it: Padma first, followed by Shang, Josefina, and Bill. I'll also come out to them that day and hopefully they'll keep it a secret even if they don't agree.

    List of questions: What is your sex (XX vs XY)? What is your gender (male, female, genderfluid,etc)? What is your ethnicity? Where do you live (country)? What are your religious views (Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Catholic, agnostic, atheist, etc)? What are your political views (liberal, conservative, independent, or other)? What are your parents' political views? ---- finish questioning, and decide to come out or not.

    So...thoughts? Additional questions to ask? Thank you for reading everything.
     
  2. Winter Maiden

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2015
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Try asking them what they think about the lgbt community in general or something ._. Ahh! Sorry I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts. I hope I helped >.<
     
  3. indiqo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2014
    Messages:
    169
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    uk
    maybe hide things more with further questions. like general questions such as "do you like to read factual or fictional books?", "how long do you exercise each day?", "do you get transport to work/school or walk?" etc. things you would find on an official survey I guess.

    I agree you should ask about lgbt. maybe ask their sexuality, ask specific political views, not just alignments. what are their views on animal testing, the environment, equality, gay marriage (although if they don't support this it doesn't necessarily mean they are homophobic).
     
  4. gasian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2015
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SE USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Well, here it is. I've set the dates to around mid-June, so here we go. Attached is the survey I made. I feel that I need to add more questions, but oh well. I'm also thinking about adding a small segment on the end asking for an open response question about "What would your reaction be if one of your friends told you he/she was a homosexual?" Or something along those lines. I'll also probably tell them that Mr. Waik (my old "teacher") sent me a survey regarding homosexuality, so the large visibility of LGBT questions won't make my friends question too much.

    Regarding "Mr. Waik", how specific do I need to make his details? I'm thinking about just saying something along the lines of "Oh, he works with the government, in some random department" or something like that, and that he was an old Social Studies teacher from like, 7th grade or something.

    So far, Padma, Shang, and Josefina have responded. Bill hasn't, but I think he might be in the Middle East again with a host family to increase his fluency in Arabic or something...

    View attachment Questionnaire.docx
     
  5. Tyrael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2013
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Scotland
    I hate to sound like an ass here but perhaps you're over thinking this. You say these friends all live far away, but you're concerned that somehow they would tell your parents if they found out you were gay. Why is that? How would they even do it?

    That aside, you can't change the fact that you're gay. If one or more of these friends takes it badly and decides they don't want to be friends with you anymore, then quite frankly you wouldn't want them in your life anymore anyway. Yes it would suck, but if that's how they feel and you can't change who you are then so be it.

    All of this trouble you're going to seems like a waste of your time. You said they're smart, no doubt they'll work out what you're trying to tell them during this survey and their reaction will be the same as if you had just told them outright. I say save yourself the hassle and just well, come out with it. Just my two cents.
     
  6. gasian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2015
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SE USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Nah, no offense taken. However, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!! :icon_sad: In order of your questions/comments:

    Because let's say that one of them is secretly intensely homophobic, and wanted to "help" me because I'm their friend. They could post on my FB page, and other people that live very close to me would find out. I can't control what those people do, and it might eventually cascade down to my parents and the rest of my town, people that I REALLY don't want to find out due to conservatism pervading the town.

    And while I wouldn't be happy with that response, I would accept it, because it's their lives, not mine, and I can't control if they hate/love gay people.

    Thanks for your $.02. Really, I mean it.
     
  7. KayJay

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Messages:
    795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada.
    It doesn't sound like a good time to come out to anyone that won't have 100% confidentiality.

    You're making it sound like your parents will react very poorly, perhaps kicking you out or else I don't know why you'd be concocting this scheme. Just think about what you are going through to try to come out to them even though it's still risky. I think you should find a therapist or something like that so you can talk to them about it and they aren't allowed to tell anyone. Wait until you're ready to come out to your parents and after you tell them, you should tell your friends since the only thing you can lose is the friendship then. Which like someone posted earlier: those are people you wouldn't want in your life anyways.
     
  8. gasian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2015
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SE USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I wish it was that easy. However, I need to tell somebody besides my sisters, and out of all the people that I considered, these 4 are the people I trust the most, besides one friend that I'm going to college with. I can't just go find a therapist, because I'm "perfectly normal" in regards to mental health, and my parents don't seem to believe in stuff like depression needing therapy, they believe that prayer and going to church is better...which is not going to help me at all. My mom would ask me why I would need to go see a therapist, and probably would refuse to let me see one if I didn't tell her why. Yeah. The best I can do, is ask my friends to either a) accept me. or b) not tell anybody else if our friendship meant anything at all
     
  9. gasian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2015
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SE USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Well...first "survey" with "Parvati" just happened. We did it through snapchat since her skype is messed up. I think it went quite well...here are the results with emotions:
    Sex: XX bored
    Gender: female bored
    Race: Asian-Indian bored
    Ethnicity: North Indian bored
    Country/State of origin: Washington highly excited
    Religion: Hinduism smiling
    Political view: Liberal smiling
    Mother's PV: conservative N/A
    Father's PV: moderate N/A
    Parent's country of origin: India smiling
    Sexuality: straight smiling in an "are you f-ing kidding me" way
    Opinions on LGBT: "We need equality everywhere", "We have a world population crisis rn", "They deserve the same respect in society as those who are straight" her famous "are you an idiot" look (I admit that I squee'ed on the inside when she said those things)
    Education: Incoming college freshman ecstatic/excited

    I think that I should trust her...she seems pretty pro-homo, while not interested in girls herself...thoughts?
     
  10. guitar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,062
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Southern Ontario, Canada
    What is your sex: Male
    What is your gender: Male
    What is your ethnicity: Caucasian
    Where do you live (country): Canada
    What are your religious views: atheist

    What are your political views: socially liberal, econically conservative (broadly speaking)
    What are your parents' political views: about the same
    Finish questioning: 4-5 years ago I really started to suspect & begin accepting I was gay
    Decide to come out or not: Came out ~2 years ago, a year before that to 2 close confidents.
     
  11. gasian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2015
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SE USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Well....I got finished with Shang's and Josefina's survey's yesterday...I think that I have some pretty cool friends! I still need to get Bill's survey done though, and he's who worries me the most.

    Josefina:
    XX-bored
    Female-bored
    Latina/Hispanic-questioning
    Latina/Hispanic-wondering
    Brazil
    Roman Catholic
    Liberal-slightly
    Parents PV: both moderate
    Parents Country: Venezuela
    Straight-straight faced
    Positive, “I’m cool with them”
    Finished high school.

    Shang:
    XY-bored
    Male-bored
    Asian-bored
    Asian-bored
    Taiwan-bored
    Atheist-questioning
    Moderate-shocked
    PV’ parents: moderate-thinking
    Parents country of origin: Taiwan
    Straight
    “They are people” “There are nice and bad people, but they are still people” positive lived with gay couple as host parents
    High school.
     
  12. gasian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2015
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SE USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Well...the new facebook rainbow filters make things a bit easier...those who rainbow, are those I can trust to be accepting...
     
  13. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You are more worried about these people who are Internet acquaintances; it would seem that your two sisters are more likely to spill the beans to your parents. Just saying ...