Now that I accepted that I'm a lesbian, I really feel it's time to come out to my "boyfriend". He's actually not my boyfriend, but we're having a secret "thing" and he's really into me, although I'm not into him physically and sexually because I like girls. Our history is kinda weird because he has liked me for almost a year, but we didn't kiss until March. I told him that it was something that wouldn't happen again, because I was already figuring out my sexuality, but a few weeks ago we kissed again and now he thinks we're kinda dating. I don't wanna lead him on but I feel terrible at the idea of breaking his heart. I can't figure out a way to break up with him without telling him that I found out that I'm a lesbian, because at least he would understand that I wasn't trying to play with his feelings. I'm afraid, though, that he's not gonna believe me and that our friendhsip will be ruined for good. What should I do? I'm desperate.
I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation I don't know if you will think this is good advice but I would be honest about it. I know you don't want to tell him but if you break it off he might want a reason why. You can always just say that you don't feel attracted to him physically/emotionally without telling him you're a lesbian. I, personally would tell him I don't feel attracted to him in a sexual manner as opposed to avoiding him, that's just mean. I hope this kind of helps, good luck. Be true to yourself.
Thank you for the advice and there's actually an update from last night. We were kissing but he felt that something was wrong with me and that I was uncomfortable, and I told him that, before we go further in this "relationship", I need to figure something out about myself. I don't know how, at that point he said "does it involve sexual orientation?" and I was like "wtf how does he know that". So basically I came out to him, even though I told I'm still questioning. It was so weird because he was the very first person other than myself to know about all this. But now that he's aware of an actual possibility of me being a lesbian (which I am) I'm gonna wait a while and then fully come out to him.
Woah, thats so weird how he kind of knew... Was he upset? I think waiting and then letting him know would be the best idea. You are going to be fine
He wasn't upset, actually I think he didn't get it. Although he thinks I'm still questioning he's acting like nothing happened and he keeps asking me to hang out, and I'm like wtf give me some space and some time to figure things out. It's frustrating because I thought "I finally came out to someone" but it seems like he doesn't believe me or maybe he thinks I'll just end up being straight. He's underestimating the importance of what I told him. I'm going out with my friends tonight and he's gonna be there so I guess we'll see what happens, but it definitely makes me mad that he's acting normal and that he wants to keep kissing me and stuff even after what I told him.
The initial reaction he has to what you say is probably not going to be the final reaction. It takes a while to process something like this. It sounds like he is trying to cope by pretending nothing had happened. My dad did this for years when I came out to him. Eventually your boyfriend will either figure out that you are serious or you might have to put some distance between you and him.
