When is the right time to come out? Is there a right time? And is there a best place to do it? Also how do you do it? Do you just say 'Surprise!' and hope for the best? What should I do if my parents hate me or kick me out?
Hi sloths9! Sounds like you're a little worried. I hope I can help. Coming out can be stressful, but the advice you'll get here will hopefully make it a smoother process. First, the right time to come out is when this happens: you will gain more by coming out than you will lose. For that to be the case, you need two things (dumbing it down a little, but this is basically it): 1) To know you'll be safe. If you're still financially dependent on your parents (and in your case, living with them), don't come out unless you know they won't kick you and won't be violent, or you have a very good plan in case they do -- that is, money, a place to stay, etc. The latter option not recommended if you're a minor. 2) To want to come out. You should want your parents (or whoever it is you're telling) to know. Don't come out for any other reason. A good place to come out is somewhere not in public. If you're talking to your parents, you want them to be able to react sincerely, and not feel put on the spot and unable to respond. (Again, this is if you know you'll be safe.) You also want them to be paying attention to you, or at least doing something that isn't dangerous if they suddenly stop doing it. In a car when one of your parents is driving is not a great idea, for example. Ideally, I think it would be at home. Saying "Surprise!" is one way of doing it, I suppose! I think, though, it might be a good idea to bring up LGBT stuff with them. For example, if something about the referendum in Ireland on gay marriage comes up, or if there's something else vaguely related on the news, you can state an opinion, ask questions, kind of look at how they react. That will at least give you an idea of their feelings on the subject. Personally, I dropped hints before coming out, until my mother jokingly asked if I was seeing a girl -- and that's when I told her. She was still very surprised and hurt and disappointed, but the fact that she asked made it easier for me to say it.
I would wait until you're about 100% sure you are those things. I have not come out, and most of that is because I am not 100% sure I am Demisexual or Genderfluid. I have not learned enough about those things to come out yet. Once you are completely sure, I would wait until mainly all of your family/who you are coming out to, are in a good mood. Haven't said anything bad about the LGBT community, etc. If they are all at home (family), bring them into a room. Probably living room. Tell them in a group, or one at time. Whatever you are comfortable with. If you are really scared, but want to still come out, you should pick who you are most comfortable with and trust the most. Someone you think would somewhat or completely help and support you. Just tell them, and then find the best time to tell everyone else. There's not always a good time, you just have to get it out. You can't keep it in forever, but you need to take your time, not just blurt it out. I would do it at home, especially if they are more homophobic or might not accept it fully. In terms of telling them, maybe just bring it up randomly or try to show them, or find a show about this sort of thing. LGBT kind of thing. See how they respond or act. If they are fine with it, you could come out and tell them. Or you could just bring them into the room, and tell them what you are. In my case, I would probably say something like "I wanted to tell you, that I'm genderfluid. That means some days I want to be a boy. Other days I might want to be a girl, and other days I might not want to be either or both." Etc. Have a plan before telling them. Maybe ask before hand if you can stay at a friends house just in case they kick you out. You are still the same person, these are your feelings. Who you want to be. If you hate you/dislike you, try to get them used to the idea. Show them different things about it, etc. Hope this helped!
First off, only come out when you feel 100% happy and comfy doing it. There is no rush to do so. To test the water I would talk about topics related to LGBT and see how people react to it. If things go well then that may lead to the ability to come out. And if things do not go so well, then I would wait until you are independent and can not be overly affected by any negative reactions. And when/if you do come out, do it somewhere private. At least that way you can have a proper conversation without having to worry about being over-heard.
