Earlier today I made a post about the Irish Referendum on same sex marriage and I posted the link on my FB too. I thought it was pretty amazing that 12,000 Irish emigrants travelled from all over the world to vote (there was no proxy vote option). Anyway, at dinner I told my mum that I thought it was pretty awesome that so many people felt it was that important. And then began what felt like the most obvious subtle hint dropping she could get from asking "are you gay". It was along the lines of "I don't see any reason why not, if you're happy and love someone then you should be able to marry them", it then changed to "[my sister's friend] is gay and it's great to have him round at the house, if you ever had any gay friends there's no problem bringing them back to the house". Then she just straight up said - "If either of you two were gay I would still love you just the same and I'd be happy knowing that you are happy too" She was talking like this for a good 5 minutes and it literally felt like a Guantanamo interrogation! And I just didn't know what to say. Last week I fell asleep in my bed with my MacBook open on EC and when I got up in the morning it was on my desk (she does that if I go to bed first), I opened the lid and there was EC on my profile where I left it. Anyone who reads it would know it's me! I don't know if this makes it easier or harder to come out, I feel both ways. It's comforting to know how accepting she really is but it did just feel uncomfortable to hear someone talk to me about how I feel inside. After that how can I broach the subject again without coming out or her just to straight up say "are you trying to tell me something Andrew?"
Would it be that bad to tell her? I'd imagine it would be a huge relief... But if it's anything like what I went trough the issue is trying to deal with your own disappointment of not being able to be what you think your parents hoped you would be... Don't know if that makes any sense to you... My mom asked me straight out and then when I admitted it, I was confronted with tears, denial, what did I do wrong, I still love you but I don't approve of it etc. particularly hard for me was trying to deal with the feelings that I had disappointed her... And I figure that that might be the same issue that might be holding you back from telling her. I think you're extreamly lucky that she's put the cards in the table from her side, you know that she will be ok with it... The question is will you be ok with it? It takes courage to cross that bridge but it's definitely worth it... Everything gets better and you can be who you really are without having to hide a big portion of who you really are. Your mom knows and I think she is reaching out to you...
My parents have never really pushed expectations onto me, they always said "no matter what you do, whether it be a CEO or working in MacDonalds be the best as whatever you do". But there still is a part of me that feels bad that I won't be able to provide my mother with grandchildren, I thought I'd got over that but it's still a lingering thought. I want to adopt and would love them unconditionally but there's just a part of me that's scared it won't be the same. I accept myself much, much more than before but other people are more accepting of me than myself!
I'm in the same boat. I'll never be able to bear children, but with so many kids that would love to have a loving home, I have no problem adopting. It does upset me sometimes, but when I think about all of the orphans in the world, I feel a little better. Good luck! (*hug*)
Tell herr! She knows already she just wants you to say it, she clearly loves you a lot and she'd be totally fine with the gayness haha. Coming out was always awkward for me at first but you've still got to go for it sometime, and honestly I'd have loved to hear this from my parents before I told them as I'm sure would soo many gay people.. there's no excuse for you not to say!
There are ways to have biological children if that is important to you, no reason to give up on that, and as you've pointed out you can always adopt. The thing about children, you love them unconditionally, no matter whether they share your genes or not, they will always be your kids and likewise that unconditional love is shared by grandparents. But I get and know how you feel, in many ways I'm in the same boat. People are accepting and those who aren't don't matter... Problem is getting our own approval for ourselves and that is a process that we all need to work trough. For some it's quick and painless, for others it's a much longer journey. Trying to deal with all of this on your own is extreamly hard... Having someone like your mom in your corner who you can talk to... Now that is priceless and something many of us would give our front teeth for. In my case, my mom knows, but we don't talk about it... It's like it doesn't exsists... And that is extreamly hard. It's good that she knows, I don't have to hide who I am anymore... But it's still hard that we can't talk about it and discuss things like my sibling can. Your mom sounds like she is open to sharing that journey with you. That is such a fortunate position to be in! Your mom knows, you just need to find the courage within yourself to confide in her and the rest will fall in place...
That's pretty much it, I suppose if I bring up anything LGBT again it'd probably be easier to say I'm not straight.
You are already out to her. Say the words however you want to when you are ready, but she knows, so the awkwardness is just inside your head.
