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I think I might come out tomorrow.....(LONG)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RaRa, Nov 30, 2008.

  1. RaRa

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    Hi everyone, im new here, been lurking for a while but just decided to register to post this.

    I think it'd be good to give a little background on myself. I'm 17, closeted(currently) and live in Los Angeles, CA. I've known i was gay since i was around 14, but I was uncomfortable with it then.

    All of a sudden, for the past few weeks and after reading all the great coming out threads, I have this sudden feeling of wanting to come out. Can't really explain it. I'm scared as hell but what's the point of living if you don't live the way you want to?

    I plan on telling a close female friend of mine since 7th grade. She's also close friends with my cousin who i've known my entire life and lives 5 minutes away from me. I plan on telling my cousin soon too but she has a big mouth so i'd rather tell her a little later. This friend of mine, we have so much in common and she's awesome. She has a great personality, shes never sad, and from what i've seen, shes never been homophobic ever, so i feel comfortable telling her. I go to a small private school with around 250 students from K-12, and my class is only around 23 people, it's almost like a family, so I have this mindset that if I tell her i'll have more coureage to tell everyone else until they all know.

    The reason im posting this is just because i need support and backing up, it's really scary and i have absolutely no gay friends that I can talk to in real life. So hopefully I can find that support here, but just thinking about driving up to her house tomorrow, and saying "I'm gay" gets me nervous and frightened, but this coureage built up and I can't throw it away. Atleast if I can only maneage to tell her and no one else i have someone to talk too.

    Also, I don't really plan on telling my parents. I mean, I love them and i honestly think they'd be ok with it. But with senior year and college coming up I need they're bank account until im able to stand on my own....sorry to say lol. I also need my G37 they're getting me for graduation :grin:

    Ok, im sorry this was so long, but I just need a bit more support from people who have been through this already. Thank you so much.(&&&)
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    Coming out is scary and it can be difficult at times but it does become easier over time. I agree with you that coming out will allow you to be yourself and be more open with others.

    I think telling a close friend first is the best way to go about it. From what you have said, it sounds like that she would be supportive and accepting. It sounds like that you trust her enough. Having that support is crucial as it will help you to feel more comfortable with yourself and in some ways also prepare you to come out to others, including your family, eventually.

    In terms of coming out to your friend, take her aside and talk to her alone. Go with her for a coffee, or grab a bite to eat. You could start by saying that there is something I need to talk to you about and then take it from there.

    When it comes to coming out further, do take it slow and go with what you feel comfortable. Follow your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, maybe take a step back and try again at a later point in time. Sometimes it is better to wait. But this is a decision that you have to make.

    What might also help you in your coming out journey, is if you try joining a LGBT group. In my experience, having joined a LGBT group has given me even more courage to come out to others (including my sister) and just be myself. Talking to others and sharing experiences can be very helpful and can make things easier.

    I hope it goes well for you tomorrow. Let us know how it went. Good Luck!
     
  3. Peter

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    Good luck with this. Don't keep your parents out of it for too long. If you think they would be OK with it, I would recommend you broach the subject. Imagine their reaction when they hear it from someone else. Once you have spoken to one person, no matter how much you ask them to keep quiet, the matter is out of your hands (unless that person is professionally obliged - priest, lawyer, psychologist - to keep professional secrets) (*hug*)
     
  4. ColdSnap

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    Hmm, i'm inclined to disagree with peter slightly, good friends will keep it to themselves if they understand the gravity of the situation. Obviously it's important to let your parents know, but only when you're ready. If you are careful with who you tell you'll be fine, good luck x :slight_smile:
     
  5. RaRa

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    Thanks everyone for the supportive comments, i'm going to go to school now and tell her a little afterschool when we're alone, i'll let you all now it went as long as i dont chicken out. :frowning2:
     
  6. RaRa

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    Well guys i got home from school, she went home too. I can go over to her house but idk...there is something holding me back, im a bit frightened. I think i'm going to txt her saying i need to talk to you.
     
  7. RonApple

    RonApple Guest

    Hmm, sounds like you are in the same position that i was a few weeks back. I was also wanting to tell one of my girl friends. What i did, is we were basically speaking after class, and I sorta said i need to tell her something and i ddnt want her to judge me or hate me for it. And after about 4min i finally managed to tell her, and she was absolutely fine with it :slight_smile:

    You have known ur friend for much longer that what i knew my friend, which was only for about 8 months. So just prepare urself mentally, i know its not easy, but i wish you luck :slight_smile:
     
  8. RaRa

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    I just got back from talking with her.

    I got to her house and told her to come outside. I started some smalltalk and ended up having her guess what i was gonna say. I ended up saying its about me and i said theres 2 words to describe it but its hard for me to say.

    She said i was scaring her and told me to just say it. I told her the 2 words were sexual orientation. I then told her i was gay. She started laughing because she thought it was a joke, because im usually a prankster and i said it with a smirk on my face. I told her i was serious and she was the first person i told.

    For some reason i just started to cry lightly after that. She said don't cry it'll make me sad so we just sat in the car and talked. She said she was completely fine with it because she has gay friends. She also said that some of her friends (a girl friend of hers actually) thought she was lesbian, but later realised she was straight. She said it was a completely normal thing to question your sexuality, especially at this age.

    But the best thing she said was, even after you told me this your still <name> and i still love you the same way. I must say it was an experience...good or bad im not quite sure. We later just talked for an hour about anything normal, as if i was still straight to her. She did ask me what type of guys I thought were hot, but i told her im still uncomfortable talking about it right now....

    I assured her one thing though, if she ever called me up to go shopping with her, I'd kill her, sorry im not that type of guy. -_-

    I plan on telling my cousin tomorrow afterschool tomorrow too with her helping me, I hope it goes well. She also told me i should take a step back and make sure if I want to tell everyone in my class, and to **** all the haters. :grin:

    I just can't wait tell college starts to start a new chapter of my life, high school is such a drag. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Thanks for all the help though everyone.
     
  9. RonApple

    RonApple Guest

    Congratz! Soz my advice was a bit useless, seeing though you had already told her :slight_smile:
    But goodluck with telling your cousin, i hear it gets easier to tell people, keep us updated.

    Cya
    Nathan
     
  10. RonApple

    RonApple Guest

    Hmmm, had a double post... I blame south Africa's bad internet services!

    Applogies
     
    #10 RonApple, Dec 1, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2008
  11. MedGuy211

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    Congrats man! The 1st step is always the hardest.
     
  12. riddlerno1

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  13. Trystan

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    I would like to say my coming out was dramatic... but it all just sorta washed over.
    we were at summer school (a week of fun stuff after school in the holidays) and I was on here and I decided I didn't care if anyone saw it... so it got around. My parents don't know and I don't plan on telling them any time soon... but it feels nice not to have to creep around, checking guys out and trying to find out who else is like me :grin: And noone was funny about it at all.

    Well done
     
  14. krazykyle

    krazykyle Guest

    Los Angeles can be really friendly toward gay people and sometimes it can be very very hard. Good Luck and Best of Luck.
     
  15. RaRa

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    Thanks for all the replies everyone. i still haven't told my cousin as she left school early today and I dont have my car on me right now... but another female friend messaged me on AIM so I just boldly told her that I was questioning my sexuality. It came so easy this time. She said she didnt care and she still loved me the same. (it probably helped that she has a gay cousin :grin:) Soon i'll be out to my entire class! :grin:
     
  16. MacAlex

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    yay! im glad that it all went well for you :slight_smile:
     
  17. kramer362

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    hahaha, that's exactly how I feel.
     
  18. RaRa

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    Just thought i'd give an update with the cuz.

    Told her while i was shitting shotgun in her car with our friend in the back. I told her in a kind of wierd/funny way... she said she was ok with it, but she gave me the whole "I just don't want you to give up on girls." I assured her I was still not sure of what i was. I think it's because shes scared for me, especially of families reaction when i tell them, so i think overall it went ok.