I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I've wanted to kill myself for about a year and a half now. Everyday, I listen to my dad say homosexual people are disgusting, lustful, perverted and how it's a "One way ticket to hell." I don't know if I can do it anymore. My mom rolls her eyes every time a gay person is on TV or something. My dad will hate me. My mom won't like it. I have no friends, never really have. The only one I live for is my little brother. I love him so much but he doesn't need me. He's only 6. He'll forget about me, eventually. The only reason I'm still here is because I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I tried telling my mom, she said she would always love me but she doesn't think I'm actually gay. To quote her, she said, "Sometimes when you're young it's easy to adapt other peoples stories as your own." It hasn't been brought up since. I don't know if I should bring it up. I still have to listen to my dad everyday. I'm always lonely. The only two people who know (and believe me) are my online friends who I don't talk to a lot. I was on a basketball team in the winter (girls only) and I hated how I would look at the other girls. I remember being only 5 and telling my mom I wished girls could marry other girls. She told me they weren't supposed to. I'm just tired. I don't want to live anymore. It hurts too much. I want to come out but I can't. I don't know what to do. I need advice. Thank you for reading. Have a great day, or morning, or night, or whatever the case may be.
I won't lie, that's a very tough problem you're having. I guess talking with your parents doesn't help anything at all, so I'd say (as much as I hate that idea) accept that they won't understand. I honestly don't see another way. And I'm pretty sure your brother won't forget you. That's impossible in my eyes. I'm not sure if this is gonna help you, but maybe it's nice to know that someone cared and answered although I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people out there that care but are just too overwhelmed with this problem to answer sth. Keep your head up! I'm sure there is a solution and some flowers beneath the path(*hug*)
yeah i agree with space walker im pretty sure time will come everythings gonna be fine. I understand that you are having a tough time. But you have to be strong, learn how to help yourself because at the end we are also responsible for making decisions in our lives and suicide should not be an option there is more outside. Try to go out and breathe. btw im 23 and im still not out to my parents.
Thank you, both of you. It's nice knowing people care. I want to get into a better state of mind and I think I need to start accepting myself, especially if I ever want others to. Thanks again, much love. (*hug*)
It sounds like you have been in a really dark place, I know I have been their myself. I spent about 3 years believing that I was destined to kill myself, I really couldn't see another way out. It meant that when I looked forward all I saw was blackness and nothing. I'm not there yet so I am not in a position to give proper advice but I do know now that I AM going to get through. Maybe keep talking on here and get comfortable with it yourself. Be brave and keep going, you will get there.
First of all I totally understand how you feel, I tried suicide when I was 20 and a big reason was because I realised there was no escaping the fact I was gay. Don't think your little bro will get over you dying (BTW I would do anything to have a little brother, you're very lucky to have that!), when I was 8 my 5 year old cousin died from cancer and his little brother was only 4 months old at the time, it caused him so many problems and he saw over a dozen child psychologists and only fully dealt with it by time he was 13. So don't think he's too young not to need you and love you unconditionally, also because of the fact you are gay he is 3 times more likely to be LGBT too, so if he is, he will need you more than anyone. Another statistic I was told by my psychiatrist back then was that younger siblings are 6 times more likely to commit suicide if an older sibling has too. I does sound like your mum is on your side (albeit in a weird way) she will over time learn she is wrong, I really do think she's open to changing her mind
Arfff please dont do that miss I tried suicide too 2 years ago, it failed I ended up in medically induced coma and the pain afterwards is terrible I realize that it looks like the easy way out but it dont the pain you'll get, the pain that you make your loved one to feel. Suicide are not worth trying. I know i'm a hypocrite for saying this to you even after attempting suicide myself, but one thing i learned that you cant handle suicide and depression alone. You need to talk to someone who understand and release all the build up pressure you have inside. My family is also full of homophobes except my sis and i cant burden her with my own problem. Your place are far much better than mine but our family problem is actually quite similar. just hold on a little longer until you are independent, and it will be all better =) Where do that number came from?? i'd love to read the source You dont want a brother who wont accept you bro!!! My younger bro is 17 y'o and he shared the same homophobic trait as my bigot dad. When i test his water to LGBT topic he responded by "the good gays are the dead gays" my sist is open minded my additional little man is 5,,, and yes I'd do anything to protect him, as contrary as a popular belief that kids are easier to forget stuff since their brain is still developing up to age of 8 or 9, they retain memory a lot better. Your death will cause him great trauma both immediate and for the rest of his life. anyway its just my opinion tho hope you feel better if you need to talk to anyone, my wall is opened =) have a great day arfff
Drea friend, I understand the uneasiness you're living. First, I think it's good that you can't commit suicide, life can give us so many beautiful things, like health, the sun, the sea, and every part of the world worths life. You can do whatever you want in your life, and nothing, nothing can stop you, accept this, and you'll be able to face everything. Homophobia is everywhere, I've learn that is not possible to defeat it completely, but we can not let it destroy us. How? Living. Just living our life. Don't stay at home crying and thinking about what your parents told you, but go out, go running, go cycling, lie on a lawn, travel, talk to people even only by "Hi" when you buy some candies at the supermarket, etc. Life is too beautiful and full of surprises and things to know, doesn't worth killing yourself. Don't let anybody and anything destroy your life and happiness, ok? Leave your parents' house, if that can help you to not destroy you life, or if you can't, well, keep on staying there but live your life the same, doing what you like, staying close to your little brother, he still needs you, trust me, he would never forget you and he would spend the rest of his life wondering about you and what he could do, when he would be older. I tell you something about myself: it's not true we don't need a person, eventually. My favourite aunt committed suicide not so many years ago. She was a very sweet but weak person, because of it maybe she thought that her absence wouldn't be noticed. You know what? It has been the opposite. I think she had no idea about how many people needed her (and still do) and in such a big desperation people had gone. So you cnn understand, that almost nobody is completely alone (you're not a hermit), and everybody of us has something to do in this world and with his life, and everybody of us has his own place in the world, even if maybe we don't know. You first, you have your own place in your own life, and you can do everything you want, only if you believe. I couldn't tell my aunt this, and I'll never be able, and you know, that's my only and big regret, until now. So you see, I repeat, everybody of us has his own place in the world and in people's heart, even if we don't know. Please, don't ever forget it. Ever. Hugs, Debora
