I have been with my girlfriend and best friend for just over 4 months. She was the first girl I ever had feelings for, so I guess you could say she 'turned me'. However, I had had doubts in my mind beforehand about whether I was 100% straight or not, and so it didn't come as a surprise when I started having feelings for her, but it did confuse the hell out of me because I had never experienced feelings for a girl before. Looking back, I guess I was just scared. I had had boyfriends in the past, so all my friends and family thought I was straight + I had never spoken to anyone openly about my sexuality and doubts about being 100% straight. My girlfriend was my best friend before we got together for about 6 months, and I knew she was bi. I told my other best friend of 7 years that I was confused about my feelings towards her and what to do about it, and she accidentally let slip to my to-be girlfriend. Well, actually, my to-be-girlfriend told her she was wondering if I was gay or not, and it was a complete mis-understanding between the two of them. I was never mad at either of them for discussing it, or for my best friend letting it slip to my to-be girlfriend, because it meant we could talk about it openly and it was something I had to bring up to her. However, she was seeing someone else at the time, someone she had met online, but they had never met. She was confused as well as to who she really wanted to be with - she told me, her and I had a connection because we were best friends and so close. It was awkward and horrible for a couple of days, neither of us knew where we stood with each other. Did I want to be in a relationship with a girl? Did she want to end things with the girl she was seeing and start things up with me? We were both confused and didn't know where to go. My whole world felt like it was falling apart - I had known myself and who I was my whole life, pushing my sexuality to one side, I guess not wanting to face the fact that I wasn't 100% straight. Being straight is the 'easy option' in society, it's the norm.. especially in my family. She ended things with the girl she was seeing and we started to see each other. We saw each other for about a week and then she asked me out. I, of course, said yes. I have always been close with my parents. Yes, we have had our rocky times - especially me and my dad - but I knew this was something I had to tell them. The first couple of weeks into our relationship, after it eating me up, I decided to tell them. I rang my mum and told her over the phone, which maybe it was the right decision, maybe it wasn't. I told him very shortly after, to find that he had had his own suspicions about me and her for a few weeks (ironically, from when I first started seeing her). Little did I know, my parents were not okay with me being in a gay relationship. I completely under-estimated how hard my life was going to spiral. I spent the next few months in complete loneliness. I had my friends around me, and I had my girlfriend, but our relationship was a massive elephant in the room for my parents. She wasn't allowed round my house at all, and every time I mentioned her to my parents, I could see them go cold and act as though I had never told them. It was like every time I mentioned her name, they were hearing about our relationship for the first time again. I became very very low, not sleeping, barely eating, missing a lot of school and becoming distant from my friends. I eventually did tell my bestest friend (a different friend to who had let it slip to my girlfriend..), and I broke down to her. All my friends knew that my parents had not been supportive, but she was the only one who really cared enough to regularly ask me how things were, and she stuck by me through everything which is something I can never repay her for. Without her and my girlfriend sticking by me and making me feel somewhat human, I don't know what I would have done. I broke down to her, cried to her and she held me, telling me everything was going to be okay. The arguments in my house increased and I didn't know what to do. I haven't ever been through something like that before in my life. I recently found out, since my parents have started to come to terms with it (and are letting my girlfriend come over when they are here and are speaking to her nicely and are taking some interest in our relationship), that my mum felt like she had lost the daughter she knew, that she was grieving. She wanted me to grow old, marry a loving husband, have kids naturally. The 'traditional' way. It explained why her and I had become so distant, she was grieving. However, before she told me all that, I just believed that she didn't care about me, and didn't want a relationship with her gay daughter. I felt like I wasn't wanted in the house, even my brother turned against me at one point, and said some pretty horrendous things. I guess what I am trying to say is that I know what it's like to come out to people who you love most in this world, how difficult and nerve-racking it is, and I know what it's like to feel like a complete outcast from your family. I get it, I understand and I'm here for anyone who needs advice on how to come out. I still have a way to go, not everyone in my family knows yet, but my girlfriend and our relationship is so worth the temporary struggle and nerves. Thankyou for listening :icon_bigg
