hi, i'm 18 and i'm goin to college in the fall. i'm officially still 'in the closet' but most of my close friends know and all of my girlfriend's friends know. i've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 yrs and we are very much in love. however, i still have 2 problems 1) my parents are extremely old fashioned and i know for a fact they will basically disown me when they find out. i have no idea how i'm going to tell them but i really am sick of living this lie, it's been almost 2 yrs since me and my girl started going out and i've known i was gay for about 4 yrs. 2) also i know once i get to college i want to be 'out', but i dont know how to go about it without being labeled the 'gay girl'. i am a very unstereotypical gay person, which is why i've been able to hide it so well. is there a way i can ease my way 'out'?
well first of all welcome to EC! ok well I would say if you are wanting to come out to your parents and you think they may have a negative reaction and disown you then I would say wait until you are moved out of their house before you tell them ( but my dad said for years that he would disown any child of his that turned out to be gay and when I told him he didn't disown me, in fact he accepts me) so hopefully that is how your parents are. now about going to college out, I would say just act like yourself and I know you said that you don't seem like a gay person but maybe if you walked around not afraid to hold your girlfriends hand and just different things like that then people will get the clue that is, if your girlfriend is going to be around you I don't know if she is going to the same college or not. unfortunately there will always be people who just can't accept us and will say mean things but hopefully the majority of them won't care. I hope everything works out for you! Sam
Welcome to EC! Congratulations on being with your girlfriend for so long (!) , I can only imagine how hard Gay relationships are. I just have some advice I wanted to share with you after I read your post. I'm almost seventeen and I'm going to be going to college in a year so I can kind of relate to your situation. I would be extremely cautious about telling your parents about being Gay. If you think that there may be a real chance your parents will disown you after coming out, that could put you in a real bind. Unless you've gotten a full scholarship to your university/college they could cut you off and really restrict your chances of attending college. That would be unfair and down right cruel, but it's not unheard of. If you really had to, I don't necessarily think it would be the end of the world to wait until you were through with college, or have something else to fall back on, to tell them. That's just what I think.
well, unless you're absolutely sure ur parents would accept u, i'd agree w/ biloved and wait til u move out. i told my dad (well, didn't exactly TELL him, but it was obvious enough and anyone would've found out on their own.) and he doesn't accept me at all. i mean, he doesn't HATE me, but im constantly getting "talked" to and he's always leaving these bible verses all over my room w/ stuff about how God supposedly hates gay ppl. so, idk YOUR dad, but...or ur mom for that matter, but i would just make sure of the outcome before u tell them. otherwise...u basically might end up w/ what i have.
thanks to all 3 of you. im 100% positive it wont be acceptable, they found out about me and the gf last year and threatened to kick me out if i didnt 'end it' so they think its over and ive been sneaking around ever since. it was bad, my mom told me to kill myself etc. so i think you're right, it has to wait.
Your mom really said that to you? Oh my gosh! I'm sorry she reacted that way. I think I'd definitely wait until you are moved out of the house to talk about it again.
Yes (hi and welcome!) good advice from everyone so far. Definitely wait until you are "out of the house" and also are confident you can make your own way if things go really badly with your folks. From what you have said - it certainly could take them quite a while to accept the situation.
