Lonely?

My only advice is keep busy. I just broke it off with the love of my life. Still friends mind you, but now there is no one to hug me and put me back together when I feel sad. I find that keeping busy really gets your mind off things. Ya, you don't have much time for yourself, but at least there isn't time to dwell on your emotions. Maybe for the next quarter, or semester, load up on your courses. This next quarter, I'm taking 19 credit hours compared to the 16 that I had before. Maybe that'll help you. Join some activities at the school, get involved in some clubs. If you've got a martial arts group, I'd reccomend joining that. Those groups take alot of trust between members and you'll quickly form bonds with other people. But ya...keep busy, try not to dwell. And maybe tell some of your friends at the school how you are feeling. They may suprise you and cuddle with you during a movie night or something.

 

Does a person need to be gay to for you to enjoy their company or to have a good friendship with (O.K. 'gay friendly' is a pre-requisite)?

You may not find a girlfriend while you are at college, but you can find a person - or two to enjoy fellowship with. I've been a 'conservative chrisitan' all my life and understand how frustrating it can be to always feel alone. But as I look back, I've always managed to have one or two around me did a pretty good job of filling-in the empty spots in my life.

Like momma used to say "to make friends you need to show yourself friendly..."

 

I know how you feel. Even at a liberal california college, I'm still experiencing loneliness. My college is very liberal about LGBT rights (so I guess I'm fortunate in that regard), but we have an extremely small queer community here, so much so that I find it incredibly hard to know where to look regarding relationships. I decided to attend here before I was really sure about my orientation and now I sometimes wonder if I wouldn't have been better off somewhere else with a bigger community. I feel like I have been waiting forever to meet someone and try dating, and yet I'm almost 20 and it still hasn't happened. It's extremely frustrating to watch my straight friends dating and I really want that. From the way my hormones are acting, I wouldn't even mind some casual fooling around, but it's hard to know where to do even that. at parties, there are always straight couples dancing and all I want sometimes is to find some nice girl to dance with. The one attempt I've made at dating someone fell through really early on (she wasn't interested), though I still talk with her occasionally as friends.

I try to keep myself distracted with school and other stuff, so that helps sometimes. I'm also in a local LGBT group for several colleges in my area, though I've found that hasn't helped much in terms of meeting people so far. is there anything for you in your community, even if it's not through your college? I know that has at least helped me feel less isolated from a social standpoint...

 

Hey, I know exactly what you're going through. I'm 20 and go to a small, Christian-based school. It's so conservative around here! We even have Mennonites (think horse and buggy). And I had a semi-relationship with my best friend, but that didn't work out either. It really helps to have close friends at school. Only 2 of mine know I'm bi, and I've only had a serious talk about it with one of them. I watch a lot of movies and keep busy with school work. I can't tell you whether it's working or not, because I'm in a rut of depression myself. But generally if I stay around other people I am okay (not so much if they all have significant others though. That gets pretty frustrating). Sorry I'm not of much help, but I'm here if you want to talk!

 

Im pretty much in the same boat as you so i know how you feel. Being lonely sucks.

I tried dating a girl to see if i could make it out as Bi, also as a last ditch effort at denile. Didnt work out at all and we went from a close freindship to a shaky barely talking to eachother. Other than that i have had no other relationships whatsoever.

The thing is i am completely closeted and the girlfreind thing pretty much makes me striaght in other peoples eyes. Thus even if there are other gay people here i doubt theyll ever consider me (ironically i brought this upon myself :eusa_doh. Moreso, my school is not exactly the most homo-freindly place in the world so i dont imagine comming out anytime soon.

And were does that leave me? Lonely as hell.

How do i deal with it? Well, focusing on studies and such helps but everyone who is lonely knows that it doesnt help by a lot. Surrounding yourself with freinds and going out to the movies as a group or something every so often helps to.

What i find the most helpful is pouring my heart into something i love to do (kinda ties in with the work thing but this is something you absolutely LOVE). I love to work with kids and so i help to teach a kids class for judo. I end up pouring my heart and soul into these kids (so much in fact that they are the only reason im staying home for college) and that helps to fill in the empty space and soothe the loneliness.

However, even if you do things like that, i dont really think you will ever be able to completely extinguish the lonliness. After the day is thorugh, us lonely people will go home and sigh because theres noone to go home to. Im not being pessimistic, im being realistic. There is a place in everyones heart for a significant other. Some people can live with it, others can only distract themselves from it. For those people, people like us, this is what drives us to keep searching for that someone special. And this means someday, yes we will find that special person. So take heart. Its only a matter of time

I hope this helps a bit (*hug*)

 

I in a similar boat to the rest of you. I'm in my second year of medical school in central Virginia (USA). I'm out to some of my friends and would really love to find a bf. But, I can't find a community of gay graduate students. I don't even really know where to start. I can't see the way out of my situation and so I'm kind of sad, and very lonely.

I second what's already been said. I try and keep busy with studying and all that medical school stuff. But the nights are hardest for me as well b/c I'm constantly reminded that there's no one for me to come home to and I feel like my life is passing me by and that I'm missing out on these years of me life.

Anyway, all I can say is that we need to hang in there, and try and change things for the better. I know those are hollow words. But, it's all I've got right now, sorry. You're not alone though, there are lots of us in this situation.

 

Same boat, I go to a Christian school and I have all these straight frineds and no gay people here that I know of. Okay one lesbian but shes taken I think but me and her...shes too fiesty.

But not knowing anyone and closeted is extreamly stressful. Been in ONE relationship with a close friend and she pulled "wanna try being with a girl...lets use my best friend" thing. We got over it somehow and were good friends still but...yeah I'm lonly. I want to join those meetings but their so far, and my parents wont really understand me asking for a ride...gotta wait for my G2.

I keep on my school work and try to fill up my time as mcuh as I can. I'm tryingto get over someone but its horribly going wrong.

 

I have one friend who is really great, and she knows when I'm not feeling my best and she does her best to help me out. The problem is that she is one person and I feel like I'm tiring her out with all my problems. The other problem is that I want a relationship and I can't have one because I'm not out and I don't know any gay guys. I just want someone who will hold on to me and tell me that it's ok and will make me feel better even if I don't really believe that it will be ok. I'm very lonely and I know that it shows; some people just choose to ignore it.

 

well I'm new here and I'm still kind of figuring myself out. Not a late bloomer just finally trying to answer the question. I've never had a "real" relationship. Most of mine lasted one night and I ended up feeling wasted and used.

So naturally, I've been lonely my whole life.
Just now getting to a point where it means something.

when I start feeling like the only person in the universe, I find real people in the flesh that know what I'm feeling. (most of them at my support group) Then I lay it all out there and we figure it out together. You'd be amazed at how a totally platonic movie night can bring people together. Anything by Mel Brooks is usually a good choice. But seriously, look up some lgbt support groups in your area and make some friends who know what it's like. If there isn't one, You could find out how to start one. Hell, It could be that you were meant to start one. We don't know how the universe works but I do know that where there is a will there is a way. And we tend to be a rather tenacious lot so let get to it!

sorry got kind of excited there