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does coming out ever end?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JakeSteven, May 28, 2015.

  1. JakeSteven

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    I want to know if anyone else is having similar issues that im having? Does coming out ever end becuase evertime i get a new freind, I keep forgeting that they dont know that im a biromantic asexual.
     
  2. Lyana

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    Hi JakeSteven!

    For most people, every time they meet someone, that person assumes they're straight. (Some people present in ways that makes people assume otherwise.) In that sense, you're always going to have to come out and there's probably always going to be a moment, for the other person, where they go, "Oh, not straight."

    But when you're out to enough people, there's a point where you can stop coming out and start being out. It's enough to come out to your family and friends, and then just be casually yourself around people who don't know.

    I'm out to a bunch of people now, but I've only said the words "I'm bi" or "I like this girl" to a handful of them. I don't feel the need to announce it to people I'm not close to. The others picked up on it from things I said (mentioning a girl's looks, talking about LGBT issues I'm passionate about) or things I did (kissing a girl, being a member of an LGBT group on campus). These are things I do, not with the intention of coming out, but simply because I don't censor myself. They're a part of me, and they just slip into the conversation whenever it's appropriate.

    It's worked pretty well for me. Petend they already know and have no problem with it, just talk normally, and it will come up when it's relevant. Say things like "my girl/boyfriend," or "my ex, s/he," as if it's no big deal.
     
  3. Awesome

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    Honestly, I think that you will need to come out many times throughout you life. However, ideally, you should be comfortable enough with yourself that you don't feel like it is extremely important to come out to everyone. Your sexual and romantic orientation are just a few small parts of who you are as a whole, so don't feel like you have some huge obligation to make sure everyone is aware.
     
  4. OGS

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    In one sense I guess it doesn't in that new people you meet will tend to assume you are straight, but that doesn't mean you have to keep having the conversation. I actually have only ever had "the conversation" twice in my life--with my parents--and I've been out to everyone for over twenty years. Then I pretty much stopped coming out and just was out. When you truly drop all the barriers to it coming up it actually comes up all the time. Nowadays when I meet someone new I hardly even notice the first time it comes up. Oftentimes when I do notice it's because I notice the reaction--often you can see them sort of cock their head to one side and furrow their brow just for a second as they incorporate the new information and then the conversation goes on, no biggie!
     
  5. guitar

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    Unless you act in an overt way that displays your sexuality, then the natural assumption for most people is you're straight. 90% of the world's population is, so I would never begrudge someone for holding that assumption.

    You never really stop coming out. I suppose a guy who's super flaming, wears a pride shirt, and mentions lgbt issues on a regular basis never has to come out. For everyone else though, it never really stops.
     
  6. scouse

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    Yes, in a way it never stops. It does however become less of a big deal personally. Once you're comfortable in yourself there comes a point where you don't hold it as a secret to be disclosed anymore. It crops up naturally in conversation and becomes part of life to be discussed as and when.
     
  7. bajel

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    It never really stops. But it's up to you if you want to stop having big like Coming Out Conversations. If you're out to your friend group/everyone, then you can just kind of let that new person figure it out. But yeah, saying things that indicate you're biromantic asexual casually, they'll catch on and if they have any chill at all they won't question it.