well, going to tell my mum on the 13th. help?

SeanR · Dec 2, 2008

well, I have the letter to my cousin sitting in my bag, but it's so hard to get her alone, so I'm focusing on telling my mum.
on the 16th, my sister, cousin and dad are going to go to some football thing.
so, that leaves me and my mum.
my mum has had suspicions of me being gay, as she has reacted to some things oddly
like:
-I said I laughed at a mail. she thought I said "male"
-she has had a talk with me and my sister saying she'd still love us if we were gay
-when I was younger, like all of us, I was caught on certain websites (which I no longer visit)

so, obviously with parents, the letter I need to give her has to be more detailed and try to comfort her.
any advice?
I'll base a template on here.
if you can suggest anything I should add, please feel free.

I know I can trust you with this. I think it is important to start telling important people in my life this.

I am gay. I have known I was gay for some time now. I'm very sure of it. I wanted to share it with someone as I don't want to hide this part of my life anymore. I have known I was gay when I was 8, but never showed it. I only knew what the word for it was when I was 11, and since then, I've been certain about it.

this won't change anything about me, I will still be the same person I have been.
I'm still working on telling other people, and I'd rather they hear it from me, so please let me tell everyone else. I might need your support and advice on how to tell others."

if you want to talk about this at all, let me know
Click to expand...

Cool Beans · Dec 2, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

You might add that you love her, if you want. Otherwise, your letter seems fairly concise. From what you've said, she seems like she'll take it alright, so unless you feel like adding any more details that you deem pertinent, you should be fine with that letter. Good luck.

SeanR · Dec 3, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

ok, so I learned it was the 13th
anyway, I didn't find my planned letter yesterday so I copied the other one, but I found it today :icon_bigg
here's mine

Dear Mom,

I know I can trust you with this. I think it is important to start telling important people in my life this. I am gay. I have known I was gay for some time now. I'm very sure of it. I wanted to share it with someone as I don't want to hide this part of my life anymore.

To be completely honest, I cannot predict how you will be responding, what thoughts will be running through your minds. Why is our son gay? What did we do to make him gay? Will he ever be happy? What will everyone else think? -- those are just some of the questions I foresee you might be thinking about

The first thing I want you to know is that I have always been gay, this is not a temporary phase, and it is not something I ever “chose” or “decided” to be. I’ve thought about it a lot, and as best as I can remember, I first knew I was gay at age 8 or 9, although it took a few more years for me to fully realize what it meant to be gay. But even years earlier, I knew I was different. I am completely convinced that being gay is the way I was born, and nothing you or anyone else ever did “made” me gay. As for its being a “choice,” my only choice has been whether to be open and honest about my feelings, or to continue to hide them. Being gay is simply part of who I am -- and a part I’ve been longing to share with you for quite some time.

Although I knew very early about being gay, I kept it inside me for a very long time. Most of the time, I wished it didn’t have to be that way, that it didn’t have to be a big secret, but I was petrified of anybody knowing or finding out. But to be honest, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been -- mostly, I just dug my head into my books, studied, and tried not to think about it much. And for a long time, that worked.

But as the end of secondary school is close, and next year when college starts, it’s became harder and harder to distract myself from the issue. I needed friends to talk to, to share the emotions and thoughts that were overflowing my head. Luckily, I found someone that’s going through the exact same thing. Then that meeting I had before I was excluded, I was outed to mr colledge, mr povoas, mr Atkinson and mrs blackler. I went upstairs that night and told mrs oades I was gay, and to beg mrs oades to tell them not to say anything to you as I was not ready. That was why I left.

I began considering the idea of telling you ages ago -- a thought I seriously considered for a few months, backed out on, and lately began considering once again. I’m sure you know me well -- I had every single minute detail planned out perfectly, long before I had a good idea of when I would tell you.

The question of telling you has been the most important thought on my mind for a few years -- long before I began planning how or when to tell you, I knew it was something that would eventually have to be done. Of course, there was always the possibility that I could just never tell you and keep that part of my life permanently hidden from you -- there are many who advised me never to tell my parents I’m gay -- but several factors helped make me realize that that wasn’t an option. For one, you are too close and too important to me, for me to keep such an important part of my life from you. Up till now, I have by default excluded you from this part of my life, but it has become painful to keep something so important to me hidden from you. I love you, Mom, and I want to give you the opportunity to share this part of my life with me.

But there are other factors behind my decision to tell you. I have tried to speculate upon how you would react to this news you have just received, but as I mentioned earlier, I honestly have no idea how you will respond. I figure I could either tell you or I could not, but I know that if I held it all in, only to find out much later in life you would have been loving and supportive all along (and from the love you’ve shown me all my life, I think I owe it to you to believe that you are capable of continuing to love and support me as you always have), the regret would be too great, the feelings that we missed sharing so much of my life would be disheartening and overwhelming.

And there are still more reasons. One of my worst fears has always been that of you hearing rumors from somebody else; as long as the big secret was kept from you, I would always have to watch my back, careful of who I told, and worrying that somehow you’d find out from someone else, perhaps in a less-than-flattering manner. quite frankly, that would not be fair to me, and that would not be fair to you.

I’m sure both of you have many questions you’ll want to ask me. I can’t hope to answer them all at once, but I’d really like to at some point discuss any and all questions you have; after all, that is one of the reasons why I finally chose to tell you.

On another note, there is also the issue of telling family friends and relatives. To be honest, I have been focusing much of my thoughts to this point on telling you, and I have not yet thought much about which friends and relatives to tell, or when. But this is something I think should be discussed, and it is a decision I want to make -- in other words, I would appreciate at this point you not discussing with people who don’t already know (in most cases, I want to be the one to tell them), but on the other hand, I won’t go telling everyone you know without first discussing it with you.

Mom, I know the coming weeks and months will be difficult for all of us, as you struggle to come to terms with the news I have just shared. Please understand that I am not trying to hurt you, rather, I want to try to bring you into a part of my life that you may only now be realizing you have been missing from. This is by no means an easy task, and I am ready to be patient. There is so much else to say, so much that I will have to leave for later. But I want you to remember, Mom, that I’m the same person today that I was yesterday -- I still love computer games, I still want to enjoy being with you and the family, I still can’t make my homework on time to save my life -- only now you know a little bit more about me. I still love you and will always love you just the same, and I hope that you can continue loving me and being happy for me as you always have. And remember, whenever you have questions or issues you feel you’re ready to discuss, please don’t hesitate to ask me anything. Really, I want to be there for you, to help you through this, just as I hope you will be there for me.
Click to expand...

I think it's very good, but I'm not good at these things
what do you all think?

george678 · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

Very good and honest letter why spell mom like that not mum?
LOL
Just if u r in england it is mum lol.

SeanR · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

well, to be 100% honest, I stole it off a different website
I'll change that when I need to :icon_wink

george678 · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

LOL ok.
Good letter aswell.

SeanR · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

just to say, all the credit for this letter is here
I don't want to seem like someone who steals everything :icon_wink

george678 · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

Yes thats a good letter.
And emitonal.

SeanR · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

well, I hope it'll work :S

george678 · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

It will and if it does not then we can give you support.

SeanR · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

thanks (*hug*)

george678 · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

(*hug*)

funkmonk · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

I was planing on writeing a letter to my mum i did it before when i had a major problem but sadly i never got to write that letter cause i was outed by my brother.

I hope everything goes well and i hope u let us know how it went. x

Midnight Angel · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

george678 said: ↑

Very good and honest letter why spell mom like that not mum?
LOL
Just if u r in england it is mum lol.
Click to expand...

Mums belong in the ground with other flowers. Mom is what you call a female parent . I hope it goes well for you Sean =]

george678 · Dec 4, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

+1 for me to good luck Sean.

Bryan · Dec 5, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

Wow, I wish I had been this prepared when coming out to my mom. Good Luck!

SeanR · Dec 6, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

thanks (*hug*)

SeanR · Dec 11, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

well, my final version for the 13th

Mum,

I know I can trust you with this. I think it is important to start telling important people in my life this.
I am gay.
I have known I was gay for some time now. I'm very sure of it.
I wanted to share it with someone as I don't want to hide this part of my life anymore.
To be completely honest, I cannot predict how you will be responding and what thoughts will be running through your mind. Why is our son gay? What did we do to make him gay? Will he ever be happy? What will everyone else think? -- Those are just some of the questions I think you might be thinking about.
The first thing I want you to know is that I have always been gay, this is not a phase, and it is not something I ever “chose” or “decided” to be.
I’ve thought about it a lot, and as best as I can remember, I first knew I was gay at age 8 or 9, although it took a few more years for me to fully realize what it meant to be gay. But even years earlier, I knew I was different. I am sure that being gay is the way I was born, and nothing you or anyone else ever did “made” me gay.
Although I knew very early about being gay, I kept it inside me for a very long time. Most of the time, I wished it didn’t have to be that way, that it didn’t have to be a big secret, but I was scared of anybody knowing or finding out. But to be honest, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Mostly, I just dug my head into my books, studied, and tried not to think about it much. And for a long time, that worked.
But as the end of secondary school is close, and next year when college starts, it’s became harder and harder to distract myself from the issue. I needed friends to talk to, to share the emotions and thoughts that were overflowing my head.
Then that meeting I had before I was excluded, I was outed to mr colledge, mr povoas, mr Atkinson and mrs blackler. I went upstairs that night and told mrs oades I was gay, and to beg mrs oades to tell them not to say anything to you as I was not ready. That was why I left to go upstairs. I’ll be able to tell you more about this later.
I began considering the idea of telling you ages ago. A thought I seriously considered for a few months, chickened out on, and lately began considering once again.
The question of telling you has been the most important thought on my mind for a few years. Long before I began planning how or when to tell you, I knew it was something that would eventually have to be done.
Up till now, I have kept you out of this part of my life, but it has become painful to keep something so important to me hidden from you.
I’m sure you have many questions you’ll want to ask me. I can’t hope to answer them all at once, but I’d really like to at some point discuss any and all questions you have. After all, that is one of the reasons why I finally chose to tell you.

On another note, there is also the issue of telling family friends and relatives. To be honest, I have been focusing much of my thoughts to this point on telling you, and I have not yet thought much about which friends and relatives to tell, or when. But this is something I think should be discussed, and it is a decision I want to make.
In other words, I would appreciate at this point you not discussing with people who don’t already know (in most cases, I want to be the one to tell them), but on the other hand, I won’t go telling everyone you know without first discussing it with you.
Mum, I know the coming weeks and months will be difficult for all of us, as you struggle to come to terms with the news I have just shared. Please understand that I am not trying to hurt you, rather, I want to try to bring you into a part of my life that you may only now be realizing you have been missing from. This is by no means an easy task, and I am ready to be patient.
But I want you to remember, Mum, that I’m the same person today that I was yesterday. I still love computer games, I still want to enjoy being with you and the family, I still can’t make my homework on time to save my life, only now you know a little bit more about me.
I still love you and will always love you just the same, and I hope that you can continue loving me and being happy for me as you always have. And remember, whenever you have questions or issues you feel you’re ready to discuss, please don’t hesitate to ask me anything. Really, I want to be there for you, to help you through this, just as I hope you will be there for me.
Click to expand...

george678 · Dec 11, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

That is one of the best letter I have ever read.
Well done.

SeanR · Dec 11, 2008

Re: well, going to tell my mum on the 16th. help?

thanks (*hug*)

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