Hi all, (Skip to issues if intro too long :newcolor: ) Intro: This is my first time posting on the site, but I have read through a few posts on here and feel good about the community. I am 20 and studying at uni. I am currently just ending my second year before the summer break and have decided (I think) that I want to come out. In my head coming out has never been a prevalent thought, I guess I am a self-confessed very private person and the idea of coming out has always been to stressful (it is and always will be), but I think I want to do it. I decided I wanted to come out at uni first since my best friend here is bisexual and overall I think my friends here are (dismissing the faggot throwing gamers [or] 15 year old revivalers) more liberal with the subject. I also want to do it since I will be leaving for summer shortly after and so know that if all gets too much I can take some time out from them and re-adress the situation in September- feels like perfect timing!.... ...ISSUES: I don't know what I am, but don't want to let that get in the way. I am either gay or bisexual. I show little interest in relationships, which saddens me at times, but makes it confusing when I try and label (different thread) myself. SOLUTION (?): So is it okay to come out as "not straight" or "gay or bisexual, not quite figured it out yet" or do I need to be more clear cut with people. I don't want to embarrass myself, but really want to come out and get on with my life. But feel like runing out of time to decide on myself. (p.s. : I DO want to label myself, I know this is an ongoing debate in the community, but PERSONALLY, I DO want a label for myself)
Coming out as not straight is completely fine. I know people who simply identify as not straight, or as queer. I used to hate that word (as it was so commonly used as an insult), until my best friend came out as queer. She said it was a term for, "not straight," that best defined her. Since then, I've met other people who identify as queer. It works for them. It doesn't have to work for you. As I said before, not straight is a perfectly fine way to describe yourself.
Focus on what you know for sure -- you know you are gay or bisexual. On that basis, it's absolutely fine to say "not straight", with confidence. Many people come out as bisexual while they are trying to figure out their sexual orientation and I personally have no problem with that. It's all very well saying that labels are not important, but to some people it is very important to be able to settle on something. If you know you are not straight, but remain uncertain about being gay it's okay to self identify as bisexual. At a later date you may feel a stronger attraction to people of the same sex and decide that you are actually gay, but that's something to focus on later. It's really your choice how to come out and "not straight" is perfectly okay. It's really not for anyone else to decide for you or label you.
I would agree with Patrick for the most part, and just want to add the fact that coming out twice is fine. I came out as bi to my friends, then, 2 years later, told them I was pansexual. I found that a big part of the worry was that they wouldn't accept me, but once I knew they would, telling them "hey, I've changed my mind" wasn't really a big deal to me Maybe come out as bi, and if you change your mind, say "hey, turns out I don't like girls at all." Or, just come out as "not straight" but tell your friends/family that you're not there yet. It's fine. I expect very few of us are. -I/W
I'm in the same boat. It can be hard to decide. Especially when you're shying away from relationships. This has been my problem exactly. I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to fall into the wrong category. But mistakes are okay, I think. Ultimately some risk is going to be necessary. Otherwise I'll stay trapped in the question forever.
Yep, just go for not straight. The timing is really good, maybe you'll settle on a label over the summer and then in september you can reintroduce the topic with the label you choose. I'm currently going through label stuff, and for a few friends I've come at as queer, and then explained fully later. Good luck though and it sounds like you'll be fine!!
This was (and so were the other posts) really encouraging! I really hope I can do this. My mind is so impassive to think about it, I really have to force myself, but hopefully I can muster the courage. Ill keep you all update and thank you so much! xxx
I wish you the best, but also want to add that threads like these make me feel less alone. I am 33 and cannot figure myself out. Gay or bisexual or what? I have no idea at this point. I feel more "normal" knowing that this is something others go through. You don't need to label yourself, either. You can just say you don't want to limit your relationships to one gender or whatnot.
