This is an interesting topic I'm looking for some feedback on. Has anyone ever felt like staying in the closet for life, by choice? In my personal situation I feel like my sexuality is the only thing that is truly mine. I feel like most of my childhood and teenage years was taken away from me among other things. Now let me say, I don't feel like I would have trouble coming out. I feel like the people who mean the most to me would accept me without issue. I just feel lIke staying in the closet for life and letting people assume whatever they want based on who I am with at the time would not be a care to me. Knowing that what I am and what I have would be even more special to me by not having it broadcast and be exclusively mine. Thoughts?
What would constitute you coming out in your opinion? I mean most of the time when people find out I'm a lesbian it's because they see me with my girlfriend, which I guess could be a form of coming out in and of it's self, even though I don't actually have to do anything. That being said, I did come out and say "I'm a girl and I like girls!" a few years back, but that was to just save me having to explain the situation multiple times when I would of been asked by the people closest to me seeing me with my girlfriend. x3 But yeah, it's really not an issue, you'd be out of the closet by having a partner of the same sex with you in public as being attracted to someone of the same sex, as would you be 'outed' as straight if you had a partner of the opposite sex with you in public. I guess with the bisexual angle it may confuse some people so you'd be more likely to be asked if they saw you with a straight/bi partner then a bi/gay partner sometime later. Because of stuff like that, formal coming out to me is less of a stance and more of a time saver, really. x3
Firstly, You should do whatever it is that will make you happy. I can totally relate to your sentiment about having most of your childhood and teenage years taken away with you. I'm 27 and I am only just dealing with my situation, but like you am comfortable with my sexuality and just want to sort my mind out and feel better about myself, meet a partner, do normal stuff. Honestly, for me being in the closet is the worst feeling, pretending to be someone you are not, on the other hand I find the of relief when you come out to someone and it's not a big deal feels really great. If you are happy thats great, but living your life pretending to be someone else probably isn't a great idea, however you don't have to be open with everyone, but just those you trust or are comfortable with. It doesn't have to be a big thing telling them your sexuality but instead just join conversations, be yourself, if girls are talking about a guy they like join in, or vica versa, if anyone says anything just be honest tell them. If you don't make it a big deal they won't. If they don't like you because of it then they aren't worth knowing.
I guess I should give a little more back history. My friends are already convinced that I am in a relationship with my best friend that I live with (straight guy, I wish they were right about us, but that's a whole other topic lol). I let them think what they want because it doesn't matter to me what they view my orientation as. Same way I will be when I get a partner. There's a little higher chance it will be a guy, which I will act the same way with when it happens. I will let them think whatever they want and it won't effect me. I also want to clarify that I am not "in the closet" and pretending to be straight or pretending to be someone I'm not. I just fancy the idea of never announcing my orientation and letting anyone think what they would like regardless of if I'm with somebody or not. I would never hide my partner either.
Ahhh that's cleared it up a lot, I'd say that you could do that pretty easily if you want to, just be prepared for possible questions every now and again, but again, approach them as you feel most comfortable doing. ^-^ To be more specific I've never felt like staying in the closet, I tell people who I am so that friends that don't like me being a lesbian will stop talking to me, thus saving me the time of building up a pointless friendship. Most people realize I'm a lesbian when they see me with my girlfriend and I do get questions every now and then, but I pretty much always answer them and see what the response is then act accordingly.
I definitely understand and respect your viewpoint of being able to avoid friendships that may end bad because of people's opinions. I do factor this into my thinking. I would be heartbroken if I built up a best friendship anf they stopped talking to me because they weren't okay with my orientation.
If you do get a male partner, most people are going to assume that you are gay, unless you tell them otherwise that you are bi. You will have "come out" to them as gay, whether you say the words "I am gay/bi" or not. As long as you are single and non-commital, then most people will likely assume you are straight, unless they see you dating guys, or acting in some stereotypical flamboyant manner; if it continues until you are in your later years, they may begin to assume that you are "not straight" in some manner, possibly celibate or slightly abnormal, if they don't see you dating women. That is just what people do, whether they say anything or not. Generally speaking, you don't have to say anything, unless you have to apply for a job or entry into some organization which cares, and have to indicate something about your sexuality on the application. If you want to keep it a mystery for some reason, most people will let you, but it might limit the kind of friendship they want to have with you to some extent, or what they will let you do (Boy Scoutmaster comes to mind), if you don't choose to say anything. If it makes you happy to be undeclared, then do what makes you happy.
