So I've been thinking... (thus begins apparently every one of my posts) I'm definitely asexual but have been questioning whether to come out to my parents about this. I suppose it's not the most earth-shattering revelation, aside from the fact that that means I won't be having biological children? At least not in the "classical" way of having bio children... I mean, what harm could it do? I've been trying to figure out the best way to tell them though. Perhaps if my mother every mentioned something about if I like guys, or something, or my "future husband" (oh swell! *eye roll*) I can use that opportunity to say that I'm not interested in men. Then she can be like "whaaaattttt?! SO YOU LIKE... *gulp* GIRLS?" Then I can say "no I don't like girls either. I don't like, in a sexual way, anyone. I'm asexual." Though here be the problem... Should I say such a thing or bring up such a topic, this will send my parents on a suspicion trail, questioning whether me saying I'm asexual is actually an attempt to "cover up" something like being gay, which I'm not. Alternatively it might allude them to the fact that there is indeed something "off" about me (like, I don't know, being transgender) which would press toward more prying. Although maybe giving off these hints would be a good thing, so that they can walk themselves into learning about my trans identity, even though right now I'm really trying to keep that under wraps. The most likely outcome is that they will think me saying "I'm asexual" actually means "I'm a butch lesbian." Which is rather unfortunate. Any ideas of how to "come out" as asexual? Do you think I should just casually address it? I foresee absolutely no moral stigma associated with the simple lack of desire for sex - I'd even argue it's better that way since I won't be "tempted to sin" in sexual ways... Or should I make it a big deal, and do a letter, and explain all the info and scientific data backing up my asexuality and defending asexuality as a real orientation? Eh, I don't know... To acers, do people who know you know you're asexual or do you just pass telling them? I realize it is kind of hard to explain to "sexual" people what being asexual is... which is maybe why I'm so hesitant. -Rhys-
The stigma generally comes from the cool people who judge you based on your belongings and the size of your and your partner's private stuff (or boobs or whatever) Some people might actually have the idea that I'm asexual, who knows because I never talk to anyone about anything even closely related to sexual things, I never do the thing where people start checking out eachother in the street (because imo it's pointless) so I suppose I do give a good impression of being asexual. But I honestly don't care it's my business and not anyone else's. If you'd like to take a more gradual approach, I say just keep showing your lack of interest, but be ready in case they confront you with a question...
If you want to slip them that info, go for it. It might be a good prep for if/when you tell them you're trans. I'm personally a fan of dropping hints, "I know" feels better than shockhorrorconfusion. It might also be a chance to see how open they are to things they don't completely understand. I'm not ace so I can't help too much here, but I don't think there would be a negative reaction because they don't think asexuaity is ok, but rather because they don't think it's real which is when you can bring in the evidence if ya wanna? I really think it could be a good way to test the waters, but only if you're okay with them maybe not reacting the most ideal way. It could discourage you from being open about your gender in the future.
