Family. How come out to? They're not homophobic, but.... They don't exactly support gay. My grandma even said like an hour ago 'I don't follow that sort of... Thing" when I said something about international gay rights. :bang: Until recently we were on a bus tour in Italy, and, out of 52 people, the tour guide and two of the couples were gay (including me means we defy statistics... Whoopee!) and, whilst mum amd grandma weren't horrible to them or anything, they often had a little giggle about them, or spoke in hushed voices on the topic and avvoided the words 'gay' and stuff. Grandma often uses 'alternative lifestyle people', actually, and has admitted to believing she shouldn't have to hear about them. I'm bi (ish.... Female preference and on the ace spectrum too) and, as far as they've shown, they don't even think that's a real thing. They'll probably even say something along the lines of my best friend (also bi, but they don't know that) who they practically despise and don't like me talking to 'influencing me negatively or some othher crap. I really don't like hiding this, because when the topic of sexuality comes up I hate having to play stupid and be offended by their stupid jokes and downright ignorance. Basically, should I come out, or should I leave it? If yes, tips for doing so in a way that'll leave the biggest impact with the smallest backlash? :help:
Hey! I'm having the same problem with family! Believe me, you are not alone! I think you should wait maybe a year or two unless you are getting homophobic abuse from anywhere as quite a lot of parents don't understand that people our age can really understand their sexuality! I know it's tough but I think it is what you have to do. That way you can be certain that they can understand you. If they don't support you, maybe it is for the best that you don't have the closest relationship with them, I mean, being bi is what you are and you are their flesh and blood so they SHOULD support you! I hope you take my advice for the best but if you don't it is your choice and there is nothing I will do to take that from you. Lots of love and hope, Megan xxx
Hi! Thanks for responding; it sucks you've got the same thing. It's so frustrating, huh? My plan is to wait a bit; maybe around 16 (end of next year or so)? I don't think they're intentionally homophobic (at least mum isn't; Grandma's acknowledged her generation's faults, but doesn't apologise for them), but they're very insensitive and kinda rude (they think they're hilarious. "There's such a thing as bi" "bye!"). I don't think there'd be an issue as such from mum, as she's said to me that she was betting on my sister (who's quite boyish and kinda obsessive over her female friends) being lesbian, but she laughs at the idea of bi and also has bery heternormative and stereotypical ideas about what a relatioship ("ere's always a man and a woman, regardless of gender; that's just how it is" referring to Ellen and Porschia. It was soooo hard to bite my tongue that night...). I agree, though; family should always be supportive of its members. Thanks for the response; it's awesome to have other perspectives and you're advice has been filed away into the archives of my brain Thanks, again, and best of luck with your own family! Liz
Your situation sounds pretty close to "average-good." Your folks probably don't want to get involved in PRIDE marches or bearing the flag of progress toward an uncertain future and all that. It's too much stress for some people. They have their own interests, and they have their own paths to follow in life, which is their right. Coming out would probably simplify things for you, in the long-run. Just remember to read all of the stories in the sub-forum, where people talk about their coming out experiences. You can't always expect your folks to assume that you really know what you are talking about and know what you want, and that's okay. Once you have broached the topic, it stops being a thing you feel like you have to hide. The thing I would focus on is aiming to try to make YOUR life simpler, such as reducing any scurrying about or having to tell annoying half-truths and all that. That sort of stuff really isn't good for you, and what coming out does is to take a lot of that out of the equation, thereby leaving you with less stress, less sense of having to look over your shoulder, and more of a sense that you know who your real friends are. Based on what I've read, your situation sounds like it could be a fairly low-drama coming out if you chose to do so. Just remember, read the stories, so when you run into certain things that might bother you, you'll realize you're not alone. That does make it easier, I think.
Thanks, Christiaan. I've got a good judge on how they'll react from when I 'came out' as atheist (disappointment and then pointedly avoiding any discussions on the topic), but my goal is to do it before Christmas. Again, thanks Liz
Oh, if you have already come out on not being interested in being a "model child" or whatever and clarified that you're intend on behaving with a sense of actual moral backbone rather than being driven by the forces of social approval, coming out as gay is apt to be so anticlimactic, you're more likely to be annoyed they didn't make a bigger deal of it. With mine, when I came out as not being their kind of Christian and later as an atheist, they were threatening to call the cops to drive me out of the house, and I was threatening right back to stand there and explain to the cop why and make them look like the spoiled fools they were. When I came out as gay, the anticlimax was enough to cause me a fracture. Fast-forward a month from now, and I am placing a bet here that you are going to be smoldering in rage that you planned this great, big, emotional coming out, and they ruined the moment for you, somehow. Oh, you're going to be mad, and it's going to be funny. Remember, this is how your parents get back at you for the Terrible Twos.
(I hope this doesn't come across as antagonistic; it's not meant to be) That's not all parents, and I can almost guarantee it'll be a bigger deal that I like girls. I always challenged Christianity, which annoyed them, but it didn't come as a surprise. Whilst it might not be 'oh god, the sky is falling', it won't be the 'ok' *moving on with life* that I want. I'm not an emotional person on the outside, and the less of a fuss they make, the better.
Well, you have to think from their perspective also. This is how they were raised and taught all their lives and what you are about to say is going to defy their believes and values. People need time to change. Don't expect people to understand you and embrace you for who you are. You should be pro-active and try to understand them too. Give them time to accept you and don't force the news on them. Be diplomatic about this when you are going to tell the the news. Also, I would suggest to avoid a religious confrontation with your family if you don't want to start WWIII. Just because you don't agree with the idea of Christianity doesn't mean it's right to challenge it. People have different opinions and different views on religions and you should respect that. Let's agree to disagree. Amen. Best of luck.
Nah, not antagonistic. It's just the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. You admit that you would prefer for them to make as little fuss as possible. Well, based on how you describe them, they are going to be the same, on the other side. The more anticlimactic it is, the easier it will be for them, just as it would be for you.
Sugarholic: thanks . Maybe 'challenge' wasn't the best word; more 'questioned' Christiaan: awesome; thanks. I'm still gonna hold off until it feels right. Thanks for your advice; it really helped
