At the moment I have finally decide on my sexuality of being pansexual after having multiple crushes on gender queer and intersex people. I really want to tell my mum but recently she has said that she thinks that people my age are "JUST EXPERIMENTING" and don't know what their sexuality really is! I am CERTAIN that I am pansexual but I don't think she will believe me. Will somebody help me work out what to do?! Please!
Oh hi! Like you said in my thread (which I would've said anyway), wait until your mum can't really protest it. 16 or 18 seem like good ages to me, but to each their own *shrug* As I said on the other one, best of luck with your family! Liz
Unfortunately, some parents really do believe that it's an experiment that will pass and it's very difficult to get them to change their minds while we are still young. In part it's due to their own struggle to accept what they are hearing, but it's not helped by supposed experts who indulge the myth that it's "a phase during puberty". Actually, it's not. Sometimes, it can be easier to come out in writing. A letter is better for some people as it offers a way of saying everything without interruption. In conversation we can be frustrated by the inevitable questions and comments and it can throw us totally off course and may even lead to painful arguments -- arguments that are always best avoided. If you decide to write about your sexuality you can make several drafts until you are happy with it and you can really describe your feelings in such a way that your Mum will be in no doubt that it's not a whim. Coming out is difficult for us, but it's also difficult for our parents and we really need to do our best to understand it from their perspective. This may help: Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief If/when you decide to come out, make sure your Mum has the contact details for FFLAG: Home FFLAG is a UK charity that offers help and support to the familes and friends of people from the LGBT community. If your Mum sees that you have taken time to consider everything and that you have researched coming out it will further demonstrate that it's not a passing fad that you will grow out of. Good luck.
Don't worry about the belief, "It's just experimenting." For one thing, you should be. For another, I think that it's normal, when we're going through this part of our lives where we're trying to figure out our identity, to feel very sensitive over how people perceive us. Your sense of your identity is delicate, and if someone just dismisses it, that's a lot more threatening than it will be to you when you're 30-something years old. It's not that they're really doing something that bad, by making these dumb assumptions about you, but it's just sort of ill-timed. When you get into your thirties, you wake up one morning, and you realize you really have better things to worry about than other people's bonehead perceptions. Being in your 30's is like being an anthropomorphic Boston Massachusetts. You just realize, completely without any animosity at all, that you are just too busy to waste your time with people. Then, if someone said you were going through some kind of phase, you'd open your mouth to try to reply, and you'd end up saying, "Umm...oh, crap! I have a pot boiling over!" You're just too engrossed in things to argue. As a stop-gap, for now, try to exercise patience with your family and your other elders. They are more confused about this stuff than you are. They have less preparation. They are children in the wilderness, here, in way that you will never be. You grew up in a world where it's okay to try to understand these parts of your personality. They didn't, so you are dealing with people who are a little lost. They don't have a context for this stuff. Be gentle, and that will help them be a little more gentle with you.
