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Talking to a guy and told him I'm not completely out!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by cyclops79, Jun 2, 2015.

  1. cyclops79

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    So I've been chatting with a guy on a site and we seem to have a lot in common in the internet world. I figured we were getting to a point where we might start talking about meeting up. Thinking it's better to be honest I let him know I'm not completely out of the closet, still have a few important people to tell and after that who cares. I really don't plan on being the next social activist, just not my personality, I just don't want to be labeled the gay/bi guy in work. If I get asked directly I'll answer but otherwise it's not their business.

    Anyway, sorry I got off topic. But, how stupid was I to tell this guy I am not completely out yet? I don't think it's too big a deal, but I don't want to hold anyone back either. Really wish I did this younger lol. I know some people who are out have an issue with people who aren't. But you need to come out at your own pace right?

    I'm trying to be so honest with myself, I think I'm being too honest with everyone else.
     
  2. Yossarian

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    I think it was a very decent thing to do; honesty usually is.
     
  3. bajel

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    It was the right thing to do in my opinion. Just know that some people might not be comfortable dating someone that's not out. It's just they have to look out for themselves, and put their happiness first. Sometimes dating someone who's in the closet or not willing to take the relationship public makes you feel like you're taking steps back into the closet too.
     
  4. MarthRoyIke

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    You did the right thing. Coming out is about living in honesty and truth. @bajel is right; some people might not want to date closeted or partially out people as it has challenges they might not want to deal with, but nobody wants someone who isn't honest. It's where you are right now, so don't feel shy to share that.

    I'm partially out. I'm forward with the people I meet that I'm partially out. Nobody has reacted negatively, and if I do find someone that I'm serious about, I'll be in a place where I'll feel comfortable being fully out.
     
  5. dysfunctional

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    Hi, you did the right thing. I personally don't believe in the term "partially out," but if you aren't out, you have to be honest from the start.

    I encourage you to work towards coming out, so one day, you can have a meaningful and real relationship (of course, only you and your partner can define "meaningful and real").
     
  6. cyclops79

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    That's what I thought, I'm pretty honest with most of the things going on. And I like being prepared so I think in my head everyone does. I understand why some people have a problem with dating or getting to know someone not completely out. But I thought I'd give him an easy out as soon as possible.

    Well, he doesn't seem to have a problem! Gave me his number so we can talk offline, so I guess that's as good a sign as any. So we will see.

    And I'm working very hard at coming out completely. There's only a few more people I need to tell directly, and that's my parents and grandparents. I think they deserve to be told individually, not through the grapevine which is my family. After I can tell them it's out there. Whatever the reactions.
     
  7. bajel

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    I'm so happy for you!!! :slight_smile: Glad it worked out.